Greenlight Made 1.4% in January

Bloomberg is reporting that Greenlight Capital shed an ‘unexplained’ $600 million last year, chalking it up to redemptions–since the fund lost 20% in 2015. But, hidden amongst the rubble of their idiotic article was the fact that Greenlight made 1.4% in January.

This is especially impressive, since, according to recent filings, his largest holdings were AAPL and GM, down 8% and 11%, respectively, for the year. He must’ve offset those losses with hedges and his large gold holdings.

One of Einhorn’s newest positions is Macy’s, which is up 17% for the year. In pre-market trading, one of their top 5 holdings, KORS, is up 17% on an earnings beat. That should help offset some of the fuckery stocks are about to endure–with Dow futures off by 155.

Kudos to David for crushing January.

If approved, this would be the largest acquisition by any Chinese company, acquiring foreign assets. The $43 billion offer is a 24% premium to yeaterday’s closing price. I am highly doubtful the Swiss government will approve of such a deal, as Syngenta is a major ag player, globally, and the pride and joy of the bean counters in Switzerland.

My theory is supported by the fact that shares are only up 5% in pre-market trade.

ChemChina will likely be told to “fuck off” and to never come knocking on Swiss doors again.

If this deal is happening, there is a huge arb opportunity right now between the offer and current price spread.

The Iowa caucuses are over and so is any glimmer of hope for a normal stock market.

Dow futures are sharply lower. France is having its gateau eaten for it and oil, naturally, is at the epicenter of it all.

Oh and an admitted socialist won last night’s Iowa caucuses.

Bernie is that grouchy old man next door that you love. He rants and raves about how fucked up everything is; and you indulge him because of his passion and because it’s humorous. However, if Bernie were ever able to become the leader of the free world, in some sort of twisted perverted way, that might put a different spin on old grouchy Bernie’s spirited verbose.

In his victory speech tonight, Sanders told Wall Street to fuck itself. A speculation tax is coming. Also, he said the word “billionaire” about 10 times, none of which were supported by a positive narrative.

Bernie gets elected: the Dow is going to 5,000.

She’s looks batshit crazy and Bill looks like a famished vampire.

She’s up by 0.2%, so it’s not exactly a win. But who cares, really?

Trump’s concession speech tonight in Iowa. He’s gonna go back there ‘many, many times’ and buy a fucking farm.

Onto New Hampshire.

Ted Cruz is gonna win the Iowa caucus, with 28% of the vote compared to Trump at 24% and Marco “Big Ears” Rubio at 23%.

The Donald humiliated himself this evening, unable to relate to the corn loving Iowans. Perhaps they preferred Cruz because he believes Jesus is going to come back to Earth in order to smite the human race for electing Barrack Hussein Obama?

With 99% of the vote in, Trump is barely 2,000 votes ahead of Rubio, an utterly useless candidate with the biggest ears ever placed on a human head.

Ted Cruz didn’t win tonight. The Teflon Don lost.

Ted Cruz, the Goldman Sachs candidate, is well ahead of Trump, at 31,000 votes to Trump’s 27,000– with 75% of the votes in. Rubio is right behind Trump with 22% of the vote. Anyway you slice it, the invisibility of Trump has been dispatched tonight, despite the fact that Iowa is an utterly useless state.

Nevertheless, The Donald is going to need to start spending more money on his campaign. Thus far, he’s used his star-power as an excuse to run it like an popsicle stand–running a misery campaign with a skeleton crew. If Trump doesn’t win in New Hampshire, he will need to really start using his net worth to crush all of his enemies.

On the dem side, Clinton holds a razor thin lead over Sander, 50-49%, with 77% in.

Ted Cruz has jumped ahead of Trump with just 7% of precincts reporting. On the democrat side, Hillary is taking Sanders to the woodshed, up 53% to 47% with 27% of the precincts reporting.

Republicans (47% in)

Cruz 22,674(30%)

Trump 19,855 (25%)

Rubio 16,285(21%)

Democrats (64% in)

Clinton 51%

Sanders 49%

Obviously, Goldman Sachs rigged the machines.

Dennis Gartman, obviously feeling his oats for making some accurate crude oil market calls, is firing confederate shots at T. Boone Pickens’ bullish call on crude oil. Gartman is a super bear now and cites the lack of insolation in Siberian oil pipelines as a reason why Russian oil will continue to flow–in order to prevent those pipes from busting loose (Serious shit, I am not making this up. He really said that).

At any rate, Gartman is the new King of crude oil, in dollar terms, as well as yen, and he’s letting T. Boone know what the deal is–dropping some knowledge on thew 87 year old oil man.