Solid Day for Stocks, In Spite of Dreary Decline from the Outset

If you weren’t long on Friday, you had zero opportunities to make money today — mostly. Stocks shot out the gates, like a bitch, higher by 150 — only to slowly drop lower, finally closing the session up 88.

In spite of all that, it was a broadly loved day, with upwards of 70% of stocks trading higher — highlighted by Mylan’s slap on the wrist and subsequent rifling higher of its shares.

Today, in a very dignified and staid demonstration, markets celebrated the status quo, the indelible cacophony of globalism and all of its waste and ruin. The campaign of a certain D.J. Trump is in shambles, lowlighted by a late minute scramble by many of his high level GOP ‘allies.‘ Even still, there’s always hope and prayer that one day soon, Hillary Clinton might become overwhelmed by the strobe lights, the rapid succession of flashing lights off of reporter cameras, causing her to succumb to a great seize — off a stage– and into a river, to drift with energy, towards a mountain. At which point, lions will descend upon her and welcome the Maddam secretary to their mountain resort.

They will feast and have great enjoyment and all will be right in the world.

Happily ever after.