Our Beloved Hedge Funds Brace for REDEMPTIONS

It’s that time of year again, folks. If you outperformed the market, you are knocking down that piece of shit $20 million home and building a $50 million dollar castle in its stead. You’re also going to plan for a kick ass New Years party, with lots of hookers, blow and nefarious dealings.

On the other hand, if your year was mired with pain, brought on by blogspots gone wild, you’re prepping for the R word: REDEMPTIONS.

The $2.87 trillion industry added $45.3 billion in net deposits in the first nine months of the year, according to Hedge Fund Research Inc. Only $5.6 billion came during the three months ended Sept. 30, the lowest third-quarter take since 2009, when a net $1.1 billion was deposited. If no money pours into funds in the current quarter, inflows in 2015 will be at least 40 percent below last year.

Among the most prominent losers in the second half is Bill Ackman, whose Pershing Square Capital Management is down more than 17 percent in 2015 through November. The firm has been hurt by its investment in Valeant Pharmaceuticals International Inc., whose shares have slumped 31 percent this year amid scrutiny over drug prices.

Einhorn’s Greenlight Capital has declined 21 percent this year, as positions such as SunEdison Inc., Consol Energy Inc. and Micron Technology Inc soured. Einhorn’s worst annual loss was in 2008, when his fund fell 23 percent.

Others firms have been losing money for more than a year. Mason Capital, an event-driven fund based in New York, was down about 20 percent from the start of 2014 through this year’s third quarter, according to investors. Assets fell to about $5.6 billion from about $9 billion at the end of last year.

Fortress Investment Group LLC said in October it was closing its $2.3 billion macro business run by Michael Novogratz after posting losses for almost two years. Earlier that month, Bain Capital decided to shutter its Absolute Return Capital fund after more than three years of declines.

At BlueCrest, assets have shrunk by more than 40 percent this year to $7.9 billion, mostly from withdrawals after years of lackluster returns in what was once its biggest fund. New Jersey’s public pension plan decided to pull $284 million from one international fund as of June 30, citing “disappointing” returns just over a year after adding to its investment.

Some firms will be able to hang on to much of their cash regardless of performance. Certain investors in Ackman’s Pershing Square Capital Management can only take out one-eighth of their money every quarter, meaning it takes two years to exit completely. At the end of 2014, those restrictions applied to clients accounting for about a third of the firm’s $18 billion. About another third was permanent capital from a share sale last year.

More often than not, end of year redemptions will be paired, rather nicely, with stock market fuckery, as lascivious hedge funders sashay out from their bullshit holdings in order to fulfill the requests of their clients, who want their fucking money back.