I am a little late to opine on Google’s moronic conversion into a company called “alphabet” because, frankly, it was too much for me to handle, with the markets in turmoil and all. Now that I’ve had time to mull it over, if you will, I am ready to offer my objective, completely unbiased, opinion.
For years, those maniacs, Larry and Serg (sp?, who gives a fuck?) have ventured off plantation to invest in pie in the sky ideas. Their core business, search, is now being threatened on multiple fronts and growth has slowed. Youtube is also under pressure; and quite frankly, GOOG hasn’t been a good investment for a long time.
UNTIL NOW!!!!
The good folks at GOOG have given up on their core business and instead have opted to take shareholder dollars and toss them idly into flaming barrels of garbage.
I do not jest.
First of all, a child created their new company page, straight out of the Sesame Street marketing book. Fucking Cookie Monster and shit.
What will this new company do?
Invest in crazy, batshit, hipster ideas, such as:
Calico (immortality and shit)
Boston Dynamics: (fucking robots that fuck)
Capital: (Google’s money burning arm)
Dumb ass self driving cars
Fiber: (space aged internet, son. Eric Schmidt even went out of his way to confirm that Fiber was in fact a “real business.” They will increase our internet speeds by 1,000x)
Life Sciences: (contact lenses with chips in them that will monitor glucose levels and shit, for persons with diabetes. No word on whether they will connect with local police forces to immediately blind persons who are wanted for crimes.)
Aside from all of these wonderful ideas, I propose they take a serious look at the following concepts.
– Traveling to Uranus, because it’s cool
– Curing cancer and also Tourettes syndrome
– Investing in Orbital Space Cannons (OSC) to be used for offensive purposes only
– Homes made from recycled water bottles and pepsi cans
– Robo-brokers, literally robots who are also brokers
– Invisibility cloaks (for persons who simply do not want to be seen (No bank robbers or rapists need apply)
– Clean energy harnessed from the fucking core of the planet (what could go wrong?)
On this news, the stock ripped higher, adding another $27 billion in market cap that could one day be used by Larry and Serg (the fuck?) to feed into their bionic alligator robotic arm and ass ideas.
Have you people lost your fucking minds? Oh, that’s right, you have.
Concerned? It doesn’t matter, since the dick-grabbers at GOOGL made sure your big fat stupid mouths remained shut, when they split the stock, raping GOOG shareholders of all voting rights.
Maybe these two clowns are the next Warren Buffett and Charlie Munger? Or, maybe they’re just fucking nuts?
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Stop being so dramatic. They can afford 100 pie in the sky ideas if 1 hits. Classic VC mentality that works. And if it doesn’t they just buy the Tweeter (sans Dick).
It’s beyond stupid. So stupid, I cannot argue with you.
Some of your best work
don’t forget about robotic arms for monkeys to throw feces and jerk off with.
Nice. Real nerds build bombs. That protect other weaker nerds from reality. Alphabet is nerd gay. No doubt.
A post I thoroughly enjoyed and agree with 100%. The only company stupider (sic) would be the Muskies favorite TSLA.
ROFL, look what I found after I made that post. “T is for Tesla!” http://finance.yahoo.com/video/alphabet-acquisitions-t-tesla-spotify-212144774.html
Why buy TSLA for $250/share when you can get it for $150 in a month?
Well, considering “Alphabet” is what you say it is, why not burn the cash on another cash burner?
G is for Google, but A is still for Apple. I used to defend these assholes, but they have gone off the deep end. I can guarantee that anything successful will get the Google name, leaving Alphabet with a box of shit.
Best blog post in a while (no offense).
It’s been a slow summer
Haters gonna hate hate hate hate hate hate.
Google is and will hopefully continue to be the best place to work, the best place to innovate. Investor ‘clowns’ can go suck it. Google/Alphabet plans on growth for the next 5-10 years, not for the next quarter.
I may or may not be biased.
Also, here is a simple explanation for you those less informed http://www.businessinsider.com/google-alphabet-diagram-2015-8?utm_content=buffer8a090&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer
Sia
They are raping shareholders. If they want to fuck around, they should spin off google
the people, aka, ‘the market’ is tossing Serge & Lars their moneys, hand-over-fist style, because they are purveyors of the good and the humane as pertains to the future of humanity, if indeed we are to have one if we don’t blow ourselves the fuck up.
They are of the new socially-morally conscious WE-form of CEO, as are Musk, Zuckerberg, Bezos, etc … as opposed to the old ME-form of CEO. Such a form is in and they are being tossed investment dollars in order to save humanity from itself.
You are smoking hippy crack pipe son
+1
The Count was such a creep. I never liked him.
We need some crazy shit thinkers.. for every ten Jack Welch we need a Branson or a Jobs. Let them do their thing.
No
Yes. I win.
“contact lenses with chips in them that will…connect with local police forces to immediately blind persons who are wanted for crimes”
lol
They are a reverse venture fund. Instead of investing in 100 and hoping to hit the 1 winner, they hit the 1 winner first and are now wasting money on the other 99.
As a shareholder, I’d be pissed; as a non-shareholder, it’s comical.
And it’s Saaaaaairg…”S-errrrg, sounds like a detergent.”
Why not just spin off GOOGL? There are plenty of investors that will be happy to give billions to Alphabet. Sum of the parts will be worth more!
Non-shareholder here, I think the real idea here is to make it easier for them to spin off the side ventures that might actually have a future, most likely candidate would be Google Fiber.