My Research is Complete

The recent downturn in the market, coupled with the surge of VIX instrument users, has motivated me to conduct research into what is causing people to behave in such an irrational manner. Despite the irrefutible evidence, empirical in nature, stating that 99.9% of VIX trades will result in horrendous capital losses, I took it upon myself to understand why the Twitter, the Stocktwits, and The iBankCoin comments section was littered with ‘kamikaze’ styled traders who believed ‘this time would be different.’

Without further delay, I am proud to announce my findings.

At first I thought there was a chemical imbalance in the brain that led to irrational behavior. I examined levels of serotonin in my subjects (do not concern yourself, I am a Doctor); but this study proved to be inconclusive. I then experimented with electric pulses and the “amygdala” part of the brain, the part responsible for fear. Regrettably, our research ran into significant road-blocks here too.

We then experimented with neurotransmitters and became emboldened by our findings.

In 97% of our subjects, persons exhibiting ‘acute mental disorders’ emanating from a malady in the pre-frontal cortex, we found they executed VIX instrument product trades when left to their own volition–despite empirical evidence stating this was detrimental to their financial well-being.

What does this mean?

This means, through proper surgical means and partial removal of this part of the brain, the subject may, at some point in time, lead a normal life. Naturally, of course, our research is in its nascency and there are aspects of this illness that we are becoming acquainted with each and every day. But, I am pleased to inform you that electro-shock therapy is no longer needed as treatment and we are now on the cusp of revolutionary, break-through, treatments–that will benefit the good of mankind for centuries to come.

Dr. Fly, 2014.