Fly’s Tale of a Debt Ceiling Breach

As the Tea Party caucus in Congress sang “Amazing Grace“, mezzo-soprano, the debt ceiling was breached and the Unites States of America missed its first interest payment.

Back at the office de Fly, stocks were drowning like pigs in quicksand. Using his new powers of brute strength, “The Fly” punched a giant hole in his computer, ripped the tower from his stupid desk, and proceeded to smash it to the smallest of pieces, slowed down only by his knuckles breaking under the pressure of his thrusts.

Panic gripped Wall Street, 1929 style, with traders and investors alike sky-diving out from their office windows, sans parachute.

The news channels were very busy, very busy indeud. In the midst of all the fuss, Charles Gasparino, from the Fox Business news channel, was caught on camera masturbating to the carnage. James Cramer knocked out Bob Pisani on live teevee and David Faber broadcasted the news completely in the nude.

Dennis Kneale was killed by an errant rocking chair.

The internet was rampant with schadenfreude, spearheaded by the bitCoiners and Gold bugs. Zerohedge revealed his true identity in a live webcast in front of the NYSE, as it burned to the ground–lit aflame by angry TSLA shareholders crashing their trendy cars into the complex.

Back at the office de Fly, the masked man took to the streets to incite riot, burn people alive at the tip of his stick over flaming barrels of garbage, like marshmallows at a camp fire. The transition from gentleman investor to revolutionary cannibal was complete–all in a day.

The White House was eerily quiet, with The Obama clan, gingerly and quietly, enjoying a match of bowling, over large bowls of fried rice and chicken wings.

Rick Santelli was so happy over the ensuing tragedies, he cried on teevee, then died of a massive stroke.

By the end of the trading session, miraculously, stocks recovered all of its losses, following a surprise telecast from Benjamin Bernanke.

In a dimly lit room, sitting with his legs crossed in a Victorian era chair, whilst smoking a large philly blunt brimming with Jamaican marijuna, Dr. Bernanke said: “I got you bitches again. I bought that shit, motherfuckers, all of it.”

Poltergeist.