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The Future of $JCP Hinges on This Sweater

In case you didn’t get the memo, this Friday Ron Johnson, alongside his team of fashion experts, will launch Joe Fresh in their stores. The Joe Fresh brand is what Ron has been telling us we need all along. He convinced Bill Ackman to wear the attire to Pershing Square board meetings and now he’s going to dress America.

Starting Friday, the future of JCP shall be revealed, from the visionary himself RONALD “BUSINESS MAN” JOHNSON. The entire company, the employment of thousands and supply of cheap wares for millions of misers across the country depend, hinge even, on this one sweater.

BEHOLD:

Fresh

The company has $685 million in debt maturing by 2017, with a burn rate of $1 billion per annum and $800 million in the bank.

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33 comments

  1. mrkcbill

    (no jason treu)

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    • The Child Of God
      The Child Of God

      I’m hijacking this comment.

      Just an FYI – Joe Fresh is a Canadian company and is killing it here. Woman love and and men are starting to take it seriously. It’s decently priced clothes with decent style.

      Do I think it will save JCP? Who knows. I do think it is the best thing JCP will stock though.

      Joe Fresh is real and I wouldn’t be surprised at all to see it doing well in the US of A.

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  2. samiam

    60 bucks for that POS?

    I will pass.

    But if the chicks suddenly like their guys in Joe Fresh, gotta have it.

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  3. drbigboss

    the Joe Fresh line looks like a fail to me. The Marchesa line however looks like a huge huge home run as does some of their other lines. If they lose the Martha Stewart suit/arbitration however things get much more dicey from here.

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  4. Paul

    Neon green is the new black. Who knew?

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  5. Bravo

    LOL…JOE FRESH to the rescue…BEHOLD!!!! Hilarity will ensue..Indued..Brilliant marketer that Ron Johnson…lol

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  6. longview

    Insanely great!

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  7. The_Real_Hmmm

    Seems like a high price point for Department of Transportation contractor shirts.

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  8. Bravo

    This kills me. Millions and millions of these novel lime sweaters will be had by every male across the USA. BRILLIANT…I cant wait to wear mine!

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  9. JTU

    Nevermind! That sweater is awesome!

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  10. JTU

    After owning C for over 3 years now, I am on the verge of breaking even.

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  11. The Devil

    Quick, someone interview Howard Davidowitz (sp) on this matter – he may burst a vein in his forehead.

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  12. Bullish

    That will look great paired with my neon green spandex shorts! I’m a buyer.

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  13. Sooz

    huge ((GRIN)) on that title..
    “It’s a Good Thing”..as Martha (I did my time) Stewart would say.

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    • Sooz

      adding..
      “As long as that label doesn’t read Harpo Fresh ‘It’s a (back stabbing) Good Thing”.

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  14. Yabollox

    Dude needs to go to the office, ala Yahoo, stop with the telecommuting. And wear a tie.

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  15. Marc David

    $60 for a neon sweater? Is that really the target market?

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  16. Mr.Partridge

    Awesome, this is a new uniform for VIX longs.

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  17. Vertigo

    This is simply a revival of “The Regular Guy Look” created by Rodney Dangerfield in the movie “Easy Money”.

    http://movieclips.com/PLE8-easy-money-movie-regular-guy-fashion-show/

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  18. Vale

    Oh yeah baby, that’s just what I was looking for. And as soon as I grab one I’ll make sure to “Like” it, “Tweet” it, “Pin it” it; can’t wait for all my friends to know I own one!
    WTF, is this a joke? Short JCP with conviction!

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  19. mike camp

    “i’m all in”

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  20. DaveyNC

    Johnson will be canned about a month after this stuff launches and is still sitting on the shelf. Then it will be marked down to the $20 the JCP customer expects.

    Who launches a sweater with spring and summer upon us?

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    • Sooz

      resort wear for a Caribbean Cruise vacation(?)

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      • DaveyNC

        Eh, maybe. But how many JCP shoppers will be heading out to the Caribbean? They’re going to the Redneck Riviera.

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        • Sooz

          it was a joke, Davey.

          In fairness to the Co. and all long positioned shareholders, I haven’t followed this saga to closely nor have I perused any of their stores in numerous years. Last shopping experience seemed pretty mumble jumble.
          It could get a bit of a bounce before heading lower.
          14 and change today.. Wow.

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  21. King of all Muff
    King of all Muff

    seems a bit gay (yes homo)

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  22. Yeah_OK

    Couldn’t I get the same thing for like 15 bucks at Old Navy?

    I don’t think chicks are into this attire,but flamers might be turned on by it. That’s a very small market.

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    This is really interesting, You are a very good blogger. I have joined your rss feed and look forward to reading more of your wonderful post.

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