iBankCoin

BEHOLD: A New King is About to Seize the Crown

Enough about stocks already. Some of us got fucked today and some of us did the fucking. Now it’s time for everyone to get fucked (absolutely NO homo).

I will be providing you with sagely predictions, as well as ‘on the scene’ coverage tonight, as Willard “Mitt” Romney seizes the crown, in what will widely be described as ‘criminal in nature and explicitly reprehensible’, from the donut hole makers at MSNBC.

Get your FOX news cowboy hats ready, my good friends from the Appalachia! We’re gonna have us a good ol’ fashioned BBQ tonight, served extra greasy.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m9SmhC-Sm6Q

NOTE: Keep track of elections results here.

NOTE II: This song was performed LIVE at an Obama campaign rally yesterday, with the President of the United Steaks present. The song commonly refers to women as “bitches.” Obviously, the President is okay with this rhetoric. The artist JAY Z, admitted drug dealer and criminal extraordinaire, pleasantly replaced the word “bitch”, again meant for all people of the female gender, with “Mitt.”

How kind of him.

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67 comments

  1. Spicule

    …served extra greasy, and grilled over black gold from Virginia.

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  2. DMG

    werd

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  3. Abe Lincoln

    Obama was in Pennsylvania today rallying particularly in Urban areas. He was giving his Ghettosberg address

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  4. darkslicer

    fly what do you think about 911/ conspiracy theories?

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    • The Fly

      I rather not discuss it.

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    • metalleg

      If you’d like to discuss 711 conspiracy theories, I’m in.

      I think they add something to the Slurpees which they aren’t telling us.

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      • TraderCaddy

        My theory is that the clerks at 7-11 are adding curry leaves and roots to the drinks so that we will all move to India and become customer service representatives for Dell Computer. I keep hearing about a shortage of workers.

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    • BottleRocket

      First time ever in the world that fire brought down a steel skyscraper in WTC 7. It’s never happened since either. The engineers are baffled. What do they know, stupid engineers and architects of good schools.

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  5. fake amish

    Fully expect testicules to drop, facial hair to sprout as MSNBC goes ass sprinkler on the Romney win.

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  6. PostApocalypticTrader
    PostApocalypticTrader

    King Romney will be prying open those surplus canned good donations when he doesn’t have a job come January…Oh wait, he hasn’t had a job for the last 5 years, unless you count “philanthropy” and “blind trust management”

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  7. Ottnott

    Pea eating.

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  8. SteveTheNeighbor

    The word on the street , on Nassau Street anyway, is that there is a large write in campaign going on for Steve for Mayor of Princeton. Dem. ‘Liz’ LEMPERT and Repub. WOODBRIDGE are falling behind me. I guess they like my bagels here and the fact that I will appoint my neighbor Fly to head the committee to turn Princeton Univ into the iBC College for Advanced Trading.

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  9. hmm

    99 problems and Obama is all 99.
    broke as I used to be in the unemployment line
    that’s why the prez is falling behind,

    I got 99 problems but Mitt ain’t one, so elect him… too late, he’s already won

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  10. 999

    Romney’s cabinet hopefully will include Herman Cain as Minister of Pizza!

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  11. John

    Give Peas A Chance !

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  12. the Bull

    0bama will take the early lead UNTIL the Republicans get out of work!

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  13. inandout

    Jay Z is almost as great of a performer/actor/showman as 8ball 0bama.

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  14. Lisa

    Sitting at a bar, located under the same roof as my designated polling place, I waited for my food to arrive on the bar in front of me. I ordered a glass of water and some fried food. On the teevee, to the right of my view, was a football network, Disney-owned, according to a lay person. Purportedly, ESPN. While I waited beneath the soundless televisions, I noticed the ESPN chalkboard had some writing on it. As close a quote as I can recall stated: “If you are sitting there and haven’t voted: LEAVE NOW!”

    I waited for my food, ate it, and did leave, without voting, although before the dining experience, the kind lady did let me have a sticker anyway; which I passed on to the bar tender, story intact.

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  15. Gavin

    You are hilarious. What is this prediction based on? Your local urinal shadows? Fox News? I assume when Obama wins, you will issue a public apology.

    P.S. Why is it wrong for the president to enjoy some quality rap music?

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  16. JTU

    Western Refining (NYSE: WNR) declared a special dividend of $1.00 per share.

    The dividend will be payable on December 7, 2012, to stockholders of record on November 19, 2012.

    The annual yield on the dividend is 3.8 percent.

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    • Ottnott

      Making the short WNR crowd dig into their pockets if they want to stay in their position.

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  17. riggedgame

    Obama OH, NH, PA, MI, NV

    That gets him up to 275. Bye Bye, Mittens. Enjoy the Cayman Islands.

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  18. (too late to) Raise taxes, Raise spending
    (too late to) Raise taxes, Raise spending

    No matter who gets in, use the post election bounce to start dumping. First 2 years of every presidential term stocks trend down, last 2 years they trend up.

    http://www.theglobeandmail.com/globe-investor/inside-the-market/the-presidential-cycle-whoever-wins-markets-lose/article4953360/

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    • longview

      I think you are on to something of course with the exceptions of 2009 to 2011, 2005 to 2007, 1997 to 1999 and even 1993 to 1995.

      Otherwise recent history bears you out.

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  19. No One

    I say Bronco will win. Even Georrge – I am an idiot- Bush got relected.

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  20. noodleboy

    motherfuck it, I’m never watching teevee again.

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  21. Super B

    Fly, I know the result. It is Romney.

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  22. The Plumbers Crack
    The Plumbers Crack

    Whispers from my favorite swamp ass odors smell a Romney win.

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  23. KAHUNA CHINCH

    The Canadian military is massed along the 49th Parallel.

    Our Chinch armies are looking for a warm water port, and daiquiris.

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  24. The Return of Braveflaps
    The Return of Braveflaps

    JK, it’s me – bearing tungsten.

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  25. I Like Ribs!

    I Like Ribs!

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  26. No One

    I like tities

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  27. illuminated1.

    Ummm a bitch is NOT ALL females, they know which ones he’s talkin’ to…

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