Gentlemen, Our Way of Life is Under Attack This Morning

So there I was, minding my own business, merrily picking away at the rock in search of coal when two men, one French (credit agricole) and the other Japanese (nomura), came up to me and said “your mine sucks dick, hahahahah.” Well, you could imagine how’d that make me feel, darn foreign varmints getting in the way of a little coal production. In these parts, significantly less will get you shot in the face, with a sawed off 12-gauge.

Anyway, I told those two gents (heavy appalachian accent) “why don’t ya’ll get the hell out of here before I hit you with this pick ax. I don’t want no trouble; but if you want some, I got it. Plus anyway, we don’t take too kindly to your type around these parts (spits chewing tobacco onto the ground)”

The two gents said to me “we are downgrading your mine. We don’t think it’s worth as much as people think.”

Aside from not knowing what in the hell they was talkin’ about, I didn’t take to that tone very kindly. The nerve of these two celestials telling me what my business was or is worth. I done had enough of them and asked them boys to kindly leave.

The French fellow said to me “oh yeah, Monsieur, tell your friends down the block we are downgrading them too. We don’t think their coal mines are worth as much as people think either.”

By that time I had enough. I hit the two invaders with my handy union pacific railroad pick ax and buried them in my backyard. It makes for good fertilizer. Just last week a good friend of mine said there was a guy from New York, some yankee fellow, who told him the same thing! I’m not too sure what’s left of him. But I know Arch isn’t exactly the type you start trouble with, if you get my drift.