iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
21,075 Blog Posts

Oh Dear, the Drama…it’s Very Dramatic

The global markets are in a state of sheer panic now, thanks to the monstrous jobs report of +54k reported in the United Steaks of America last week. Investors, in between joy rides in their smart cars, have been forced to sell equities, based upon the premise that the “double dip recession” is all but a foregone conclusion(apparently, there is no statute of limitations on declaring a “double dip recession,” no matter how long it has been since the last recession). In the event next month’s jobs number are good (heaven forbid), the smart cars will stop again and everyone will pile back into equities, like a herd of jackasses running towards a mirage.

The people from the teevee have given up hope, declaring this market “toxic” thanks to that heinous and barbaric +54k jobs report.

Just yesterday, we had a decent rally going; but then all of a sudden, a monster of sorts appeared—frightening everyone out of the markets. As this monster ROARED and THUNDERED throughout Wall Street, investors sashayed in and out of stocks, like dogs chasing feathers attached to their tails. By the end of the day, most investors cowered under the beds or in their respective closets, sending the Dow lower for a 6th consecutive day.

Over in Europe, as you read this, they are fleeing from stocks, like little Greeks running from Turks. Indices are down more than 1%, effectively sending our futures lower. The sad and grotesque reality is: there is no future.

All in all, the stage is set for another day of hedonistic adventures, as the usual cast of actors and actresses make their way down to the NYSE. All of the tiny, itsy, bitsy day traders are ready to go “FAZzing” and most, if not all, have declared this market to be deader than reason and democracy inside of any middle eastern country of your choosing.

Lights…cameras…action!

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49 comments

  1. Mr. partridge

    we will rally

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  2. Diamond Dave

    FIG

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  3. Mr. Cain Thaler
    Mr. Cain Thaler

    That was a masterpiece…beautiful, positively gorgeous.

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  4. TJWP

    Amazing – Fly I have a question that requires your expertise:
    If a tree falls on a short seller in the woods, will anyone give a fuck?

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  5. JTU

    It doesn’t sound like you are anticipating a rally of sorts!

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  6. TJWP

    XOM massive oil find in the Gulf of Mexico.

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  7. xxxHuggieBearxxx
    xxxHuggieBearxxx

    I love the bit about there being no statute of limitations on declaring a recession to be a “double-dip”…a very astute observation.

    My feeling is we are actually heading for a triple-dip-a-lip stagcession, as in reality all counting should have started with the dotcom boom and from that point forward everything, forevermore, should be considered connected.

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    • mike

      Doesn’t a double dip recession requires a recovery of some sort first? As in real recovery in employment and stocks in relationship to commodities rather than the dollar?

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    • Alvari40

      I think it best to be called a quad-queasy-flop-Carter-induced-when is this gonna end-WTF-flation started back in the late 70’s.

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    • Mr. Cain Thaler
      Mr. Cain Thaler

      We are triple dipping from the 1929 stock market crash!

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  8. Wilco

    I can’t dump stocks and breathe into a paper bag at the same time….ARRRRGGHHH!!!

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  9. Surplusdroids

    Hilarious post. Another hit for a multi-platinum album.

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  10. A Monkey with a Lenny Dykstra Battling Helmet
    A Monkey with a Lenny Dykstra Battling Helmet

    This isn’t a recession, its a depression you stupid fucks. We’re just taking our time getting there.

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    • The Fly

      Please let us all know when we get there, so I can tell Mrs. Fly to cancel dinner arrangements and head over to the soup line.

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      • go2mars

        45 million on food stamps…

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        • lol

          You can’t double dip if you have never had a real recovery.

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        • Quint

          Yeah, like they’re really buying food with that…try cigs, malt liquor and crack.

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      • A Monkey with a Lenny Dykstra Battling Helmet and a Set of Sarah Palin Bongos
        A Monkey with a Lenny Dykstra Battling Helmet and a Set of Sarah Palin Bongos

        You will not be able to stay home, brother.
        You will not be able to plug in, turn on and cop out.
        You will not be able to lose yourself on skag and skip,
        Skip out for beer during commercials,
        Because the revolution will not be televised!

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        • Bullish

          I think Mr Monkey took too many Allegra Ds today… chill out monkey you could have a heart attack

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        • Yogi & Boo Boo
          Yogi & Boo Boo

          GSH RIP

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  11. kedzilla

    still short $RIMM, but not even a blizzard of cocaine can stop $RIMM’s plummet

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  12. drummerboy

    “the sad and grotesque reality: there is no future”. sad, but becoming truer. we need a caped crusader. LOOK, up in the sky,it’s a bird, it’s a plane,……………. no, it’s a flying bearded clam, he’ll save us………….

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  13. The Fly

    Wait a second!

    Where is the sheer, unadulterated panic?!

    I want panic and I want it now.

    Back to eating oatmeal.

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    • Yogi & Boo Boo
      Yogi & Boo Boo

      Any maple syrup with the oatmeal?

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    • drummerboy

      you want panic, show alphaDogs’ ppt blog post for the “unsubscribed”. that will get them thinking.

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  14. NeedAMillion

    So where is our bounce ? PPT is sub 2.6

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  15. Bullish

    S&P minus 1!!!!!

    I’m gonna jump!

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  16. Yogi & Boo Boo
    Yogi & Boo Boo

    Funny what 5 down days will do to sheeple. Where’s Devil Dog?

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    • Yogi & Boo Boo
      Yogi & Boo Boo

      $SPX TO 125!!

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      • DMG

        What about ‘Mr. Preseident’ with his oft-repeated “DOW 9000!” nonsense. I wonder under what moniker he is posting now…

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  17. Alvari40

    Pussies

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  18. go2mars

    http://www.zerohedge.com/article/watch-bikini-wax-indicator

    Lol. Not a bad approach.

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    • ogma107

      Obviously the price increase reflects the seasonality of the beach market economy, not inflation.

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    • drummerboy

      if things get too bad,all they’ll have to do is use a vinegar and oil douche and call it a fresh garden salad

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  19. lol

    Apparently there is a build-a-burger group meeting near the deli between the lettuce and the cheese, to plan out financial destiny and all the Jekyll island shit. Hopefully we can get some fries with that.

    http://geraldcelentechannel.blogspot.com/2011/06/jim-tucker-oon-bilderberg-2011-meeting.html

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    • drummerboy

      very ironic thought i had while beginning to read that,emanual rushed to mind just seconds before i read his name in waiting. if civil unrest occurs,it will be struck, right here in the heart first. no one see’s the triangulation of things about to come…….

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  20. Caruthers

    When Cassandra Whitney was on Squawk this morning, they were freely and recklessly referring to the “horrific” employment numbers. Maybe I missed something, but even in May it was POSITIVE 54k, right? I mean, the every day distortion of the economic data in an effort to fill the dead air by “explaining” why the market is acting in a certain way is unfounded speculation by folks who are barely qualified to work fast food at best and totally fucking knowingly fraudulent at worst.

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    • The Fly

      +54k is the new -300k

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    • Quint

      I pick up as much good market information on CNBC as I do from watching “Mob Wives” – a great show btw if you like watching bitches brawling w/big boobs.

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  21. noodle

    cover sooon

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  22. Alvari40

    OPEC Decision – that was an easy one to call.

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    • Alvari40

      CNBC was tooled yesterday. Hope blondie enjoyed her trip.

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  23. Baron de Rothschild
    Baron de Rothschild

    ‘we had a decent rally going”

    That “rally” was anemic at best. Fly, your bullish posts last week were 100% wrong (more if you were leveraged). Your PPT must stand for Pud Pulling Tool, because what you posted was pure jerking off. Your call was something I’d expect to here from a CGC, (cock gobbling charlatan), or worse, for a GUESSER. Instead of banking your coins, it looks like you’ve been flipping them. No go grind your own face in the dust. And all your minions, who gave me a thumbs down after I posted that I went long FAZ, well, they know where to look for that thumb.

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    • Quint

      Baron, I would think you would be happier given how genius and how many great trades you post here all the time, according to yourself…your profits must be amazing.

      Your anger leads me to believe that you really don’t trade with real money at all…it’s just paper trading.

      You’re just a blog hogger looking for accolades and friends – I suggest a dog.

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    • The Fly

      Ban yourself. I am tired of you.

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