An Invitation of Sorts

I invite you to appreciate your insignificance to me, as you type words onto your computer screen. While it may seem to be important to you (your words), the universal reality is you are nothing more than a series of digits archived at your local census bureau.

Most people in my profession scoff at the idea of enlightening the proletariat about things to do with proper money management. The closest most of you get to cogent ideas are via Fast Money reruns or old clips of Paul Tudor Jones, circa 1980’s. Viz.

The blogosphere is populated with oversized babies who lash out for attention, while attempting to minimize the efforts of others. “The Fly” does not care to rip the spines out of his fellow bloggers, for they are not competition. Their prolific blogging efforts only enhance the traffic statistics of ibankcoin. Quite frankly, once people read them, compared to me, my website’s value doubles every 6 months.

In closing, next week will mark a massive movement in the Dow Jones Industrial average. I hope many of you are prepared for the action and reserve your little comments to yourselves, as I am unwilling to play “good host” any longer.

All aboard, fuckface.

Heading into “prime-time” hurricane season, the world is as hot as ever! As you readily know, hurricanes feed on warm waters, like zombies on brains. Every year, like clock-work, Senor Tropicana, aka “The Fly”, likes to delve into “hurricane plays” with the intention of profiting off human suffering and capitulation.

As karma would have it, more often than not these bets end up losing me money. But there is always next year, no? So here we are, preparing to rebuild Louisiana and large swaths of Florida again (time machine) and banking coin off gasoline disruptions throughout the United Steaks of America.

Very simply, I am buying refiners, via TSO and maybe DK later on. Also, in the event old natty supply gets “cut the fuck off,” I am long large amounts of SD and FTK, both suck dick and have fleeced me of large amounts of coin over the years. However, there’s always next year, no?

For now, I am content with my current “hurricane plays,” and will add to them as needed.

As an aside, into this rally, I doubled my GLW position, added to TSO, EWZ and BAC too.

I am amazed that no one is talking about the SEC settlement with DELL. In a nutshell, DELL computer was committing fraud, on a grand scale, between the years 2002-2006. They were being bribed by INTC, so that they would use pentium chips exclusively, then used said cash to meet earnings. Let me be clear: the SEC unveiled internal emails that revealed the conspiracy to “use INTC money” to meet estimates. Furthermore, without the INTC money, the company would have missed estimates every single quarter during that time frame.

As a result, DELL got a slap on the wrist and a 100 million dollar fine. In addition, Michael Dell and several top executives were fined a few mill and that’s it! Nothing to see here, just motherfucking fraud on a big dicked scale. To think, during that time frame, when DELL’s share price was ripping off tits to the upside, people wrongly lauded them for having “superior supply chain management”  and “top of the line leadership.” Bullshit!

DELL, like Enron, cheated. Unlike Enron, no one at DELL is going to jail. Why the fuck not?

Since DELL started using AMD chips, DELL’s income has declined by 75%. They attributed that to slashing prices, when in reality it is because the INTC bribes stopped flowing into the company coffers. Those motherfuckers have been lying to investors for nearly a decade and no one takes them to task for it. Michael Dell should resign immediately. He is not some sort of genius in supply chain management, only cooking the books.

You cannot stop a gay market, for it thinks not. Do not walk in front of a “loose trains,” for they were made to run you over. Never feed a goat through an electric fence.

The rally is continuing because men in burlap hoodies and velcro pants have lost their marbles. It’s Friday and everyone is scared and stupid. What else did you expect, reason?

PFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFF

This planet is so stupid, we’re liable to move 1,000 points up and down today, inside the amount of time it takes for me to make a sandwich.  We are likely nearing the top end of the trading range. However, runaway markets tend to, ummm, runaway. So, do not expect tops and bottoms to be hashed out cleanly and without killing a few bad investors in the process.

I need to run along now, as I have meetings scheduled this afternoon. Into hurricane season, I’m a big fan of the refiners, specifically TSO, DK and SUN.

I took a loss in my personal accounts, but made money where it counted: clients. Back at it tomorrow.

Top picks: TSO, BAC, EMN

Coming soon…

Due to my obvious disobedience to the sublime laws of perfection, I was punished today, with blood curdling horse kicks to the chest, on a personal level, via TZA. As you know by now, I sold TZA and bought Texas sized positions in BAC, EMN, TSO, just to name a few. I sold out of my third largest position, FLS, because I can. And, I sold out of NVDA, because it sucks.

At the present, my cash position is rich and I am itching to buy lots of names. But, it’s important to remember, wealth isn’t created in one trading session, only lost. So, I will take my time reallocating my capital, in order to right my ship and get back on track. The truth of the matter is: my recent foray into VXX was misguided and wrong. I based my decision to buy it on a hunch, rather than my time machine. Being in the hole already, I’ve decided to ride it out, based upon the fact that we are in a choppy trading range. Today’s garbage is tomorrow’s commodity, according to the NYC sanitation department.

I want you to focus very quietly and understand what is transpiring. The market is spitting in the face of investors daily. Despite today’s donkey cocked spike, GS is down. Figure that one out.

I am about 5% off my all-time highs; but I should be 10% higher from here. My personal account is up so much, I am unable to share it with you, for fear of  jealousy driven retribution.

“The Fly” knows exactly what he is doing and will execute said plan, within days.

Oh, by the way, my promise of “5 days” for a certain handful of stocks to lift higher came to fruition. Your apologies are not needed, nor will they be accepted.

I have a stock down 28% today: MLNX (“it’s a great little company” -fucking asshole). I do not own a large stake in said company, but own it nonetheless.  I had a shit load of TZA for my personal accounts and loads of VXX to hedge off my longs in others. I got caught in a spastic short squeeze, all due to a brief piss in the wind decline, led by the beard of Ben Bernanke. Please let that information sink in for a moment, before you continue reading.

Sure, my personal accounts can withstand a one off event and the MLNX/VXX rolling disaster will not do long term damage to my accounts, as they are minority positions. The MLNX was a 2% position and VXX is 20%: the rest is all long a bunch of bullshit going higher this morning. But this is bad, as I have effectively emptied out a fucking clip of 100% stupid on my own face! Can you appreciate that?

Going into the close of trading yesterday, I was scared to buy stocks, like a small girl caught up in between a grenade fight. I should have thrown on a dress and ran out into the streets crying, instead of disgracing myself with cautionary tales. So here I am today, with the market up 190, punching holes in the fucking sheet rock. What should I do now? Can I do something, anything to escape the stupid box I find myself defecating in?

First thing I did was sell TZA. I don’t need to look at that shit. Second order of business: I bought a man-sized position in TSO, adding to yesterday’s starter. As for VXX: there is nothing worth doing right now, but sit and watch that fucker shoot grape at me. I have no choice but to buy more lower.

And to think, I could have avoided this whole ordeal, if I had just followed the laws of The PPT. Instead, I find myself shoveling shit out of my space rocket.

SIDE, motherfucking, NOTE: I sold out of 10,000 STI personal yesterday too. That’s just a side, motherfucking, note.

UPDATE: I sold out of FLS and bought some BAC.

UPDATE: I bought EMN.

Every night before I tuck myself into bed, I pray to the pagan Gods to crush the operators of this country with their hooves. From the top to the bottom, this country, specifically, is in dire need of a fucking ass kicking. Don’t get me wrong, if I was a Chinese national, I’d be tossing grenades into fetus soup fast food restaurants right about now. But, you must understand, the fuckery is too great to bear. Let me apologize 10,000 times for what I am about to say: I desire to see my health insurer die slow in a vat filled with pig fat.

Here’s a little anecdotal evidence for you. About two months ago I had an endoscopy done, that required a 10 minute general anesthetic. Those motherfuckers had the stones to send me a bill for $4,500, since they are not even in a PPO. I guess my Doctor didn’t think I’d need an anesthesiologist  who was actually in a fucking PPO. Needless to say, I’d rather die in a fucking Iraqi prison than pay those cocksuckers such a criminal charge. I know all of you have similar stories, as do I. The medical industry is riddled with fraud, littered with degenerates who view medicine in dollar signs instead of treating patients. Having many physicians as piker clients, I can tell you first hand they are nothing more than OTB guys with medical licenses.

Don’t get me started on lawyers.

All you hear on the news is how bad Wall Street is, while these other fuckers are robbing old ladies of their monthly social security checks. Nah, we don’t need reform. We need a full fledged “let’s do this shit over, while BBQing a few good Doctors” program.

The IRS can fuck themselves too.

I told you before “I have no fucking idea what to expect.” For this reason, for the better part of 2010, I’ve been holding record amounts of cash, sometimes as much as 60%. While some of my peers claim to know what the fuck is transpiring, I am here to tell you I know how to control confusion better than anyone you have ever met. The market is a mess and no one is safe, long or short. So, in order to stay on the offensive, it’s important to think like a hunter and not prey.

I will have you know, as we speak, “The Fly” is dressed in camouflage garments, covered in mud, aiming his scope at your bullshit Zeeco accounts.

The breadth is too poor today to stay committed to a 3x ETF like TNA. So I sold it and bought TZA, without emotion. Additionally, I added to my VXX and sold X, due to distinct cracks in the surface of the Earth.

Going forward, I expect more of the same. Perhaps we will sell off tomorrow morning, then sprint higher. If so, I will be prepared with my empty bag, in order to collect all of the fucking money that will be tossed my way. My largest directional long bets are EWZ and FLS. It’s also worth mentioning, I have an appetite for TSO. I’ve been buying it all day long.

In summary, “The Fly” may not be making money today, but he’s having a “fuckload” of fun trying to rip the skin off your tits. Plus anyway, I am not done positioning myself for the coming circus. Be patient, and within a week, you will see “The Fly” kill it, in real time, as always.