In the Land of Clam

We all twiddle our mustaches and drive around in whimsical cars, honking at one another like an orchestra of mental retards. In the land of clam, cotton balls are in high demand and gold is as good as AAPL.

All commodities are mandated to trade higher, while employment decreases and wages stagnate (jobs are for slaves). The official Clam Inflation Data (CDI) points to ZERO inflation, in order to avoid paying the old more money, compensating for inflation.

In the land of Clam, government stimulus will jump start the price of oil, instead of the domestic jobs market, because oil is more valuable than people. The stock market will enjoy unbridled rallies, as euphoric investors position themselves for early retirement from the lousy jobs market, thanks to obscene profits in none other than oil stocks.

Foreign corporations will sell fancy race cars to the wealthy unemployed, thanks to the slave labor of the compliant and unsuspecting Chinese workforce. Needless to say, they are unaware of The Land of Clam and its great many intricacies.

Pension funds will be overfunded, thanks to unchecked stock market wins, which will be taxed by the Clam government in order to create new slave jobs in China. We will all retire and enjoy the fruits of other people’s labor, as it is our right. All nations will bow to The Land of Clam and accept our rapidly depreciating currency, in exchange for their slave labor goods, because our tanks are bigger than theirs. Plus anyway, The Land of Clam subsidizes the foreign workforce that manufactures the fancy stuff that is sold to the people of Clam.

Clam money is created out of thin-air (magic money, aka CLAMBUX!) and there is no limit to the amount that can be made.

In the Land of Clam, the BEARDED CLAM is King. His word is final and his BEARD is, well, majestic. It is rumored that the BEARDED CLAM siphons value from Clam homes and transfers said value to cotton, and other important commodities, as a favor to those interested in buying new homes. However, such rumors cannot be substantiated.

Clam, clam, clam.

Imagine yourself to be in a hazy state of exhaustion, because you only got 2.5 hours sleep the night before. Then imagine yourself having to schlep around, hauling stuff back and forth, throughout the dainty aisles of WFMI, in order to purvey the finest delicacies for Casa del Fly, at the behest of none other Mrs. Fly, VIII, Empress of the New Boots clan. After you zapped $600 out of your checking account for 10 bags of snacks, you walk over to the beverage section; because you are positively famished, with the thirst of 10,000 desert camels. You spot a fine lemonade, all organic and stuff. It looks promising. You cannot wait to open it, so that you might quench your insatiable thirst, a respite of sorts from a long day of white collar labor.

While on the express line, two metrosexual males yap it up in front of you, as they place their stupid groceries on that stupid organic conveyor belt. They behave in a way that is meant to mimic television personalities, as if they were performing for the rest of the WFMI afternoon, rich people, crowd. They chat it up, giggling, while placing bags of organic carrots and celery onto the freakin’ organic conveyor belt. Then it’s my turn. I pay for my lemonade and make my way to the back of the store, where the Empress and her subjects await. I take a sip.

On Jupiter’s stone, today I am convinced, more than any other day in my life, that this country is filled with raving lunatics. My face felt like it was going to explode from pure heat. It was as if I drank an entire bottle of the hottest sauce in existence, only posing as God damned lemonade. I read the back of the bottle and learned it was spiked with chili peppers, and other such undesirables, making for an “irresistible” beverage that will give you a “natural high.”

I JUST WANT TO QUENCH MY THIRST, GOD DAMN YOU!

My stomach feels like it has 20 bombs inside of it filled with lemon flavored gunpowder.

Just when I thought driving around some random, and dead, homeless guy/girl/whatever, in the front seat of your car for 6 months was crazy, I am introduced to hot sauce masquerading as lemonade.

This summer, The House of Fly will be “road tripping” it down south: destination Savannah. Along the way, I will be throwing pig bones and chicken wings out of the window of my Ford pick-up truck. I will carry 10 shot guns and 10 hand grenades, into “enemy territory.” Just like the Northern Masters of The Federal Reserve are ripping through your purses, via egregious inflationary policies, “The Fly” will burn your country to the ground, and more.

I’ve told you before: I always see the worst in people. It’s in my nature. I wish life was simple and dynamically pleasant. Unfortunately, my mind is racing 200 mph through complex asset management strategies, some of which, inevitably, end up being losers.  While you think toast, I am making croutons. You fish for food: I break your pole. Scratch that homo line, pardon me very much, to the 3rd degree (highest degree possible).

Tonight I will get drunk, but not from some low-end pumpkin ale. “The Fly” drinks amongst honorable people, consuming the very best wine available for retail consumption. Check me on twitter: @ The_Real_Fly for twitpics later on this evening.

I know you want to talk about the market and “picks.” Frankly, I don’t have an interest.

Finally, I’ve decided to break a long standing policy on iBankCoin to avoid talking politics. I’m going Costanza on that policy and will be offering FULL COVERAGE on election night, here on iBC. Believe you me, you will not get better political commentary anywhere else on the web.  As the young, punk, wise-ass fly used to say: “you’ll see.”

Top pick: Kings of Leon album.

Everyone is so dramatic. The homofied media is all about stoking up “currency war” fears now, because their ratings suck . Frankly, I’d like to punch their eyebrows off then kick their faces in with wooden clogs.  I’m tired of all the nonsensical jargon. If I was running a CNBC show, I’d just look at the camera for one hour, like a staring contest, and throw slices of pizza down onto the exchange floor.

There is no need to have commentary with voice. We all know what is happening. Just like spaceships and neutron bombs, the government is in control of the market, as evidenced by share price of the preferred eatery of ALL Washington insiders: CMG.

It’s true, the market is showing signs of wanting to rape people: look at BUCY/JOYG today. It’s entirely possible that ALL AVAILABLE investment dollars will plow into the shares of CMG, NFLX, AMZN, BIDU and AAPL. It’s actually more than possible, but likely.

At 11,100+, the Dow is probably 5,000 points “cheap”, based on future POMO dollars.

Okay, this post is intended to showcase what the Federal Reserve jerked most, over the past three months. In other words, what stocks, with caps over 5 bill, went up the most.

Here are the results:

Top performing equities were:

1. PCLN +62%

2. LVS +60%

3. MOS +59%

4. TTM +57%

5. POT +57%

6. FCX +56%

7. CF +55%

8. CNH +53%

9. AGU +51%

10. N +50%

Top performing ETF’s were:

1. SGG +68% (sugar)

2. AGQ +66% (silver)

3. CZM +65% (China)

4. EDC +54% (emerging mkts)

5.  BDD +52% (metals)

6. JJT +51% (tin)

7. BAL +50% (cotton)

8. UYM +43% (basic materials)

9. CU +42% (copper)

10. JJS +39% (soft commodities)

Thanks for all the god damned inflation Ben!

Since we are on the topic of POMO, ZH is out with a piece exclaiming Goldman is telling clients to front run Fed in equities!!

CS posted HORRENDOUS numbers last night, lending to bank weakness. I’m not a big fan of the banks; but I do not think they are hinting of doom either. If you haven’t been living under a rock this year, you know the banks mean absolutely nothing, when it comes to stock market strength. This market is built on AAPL, NFLX, BIDU, AMZN, and other “retardedly” overvalued stocks.

Going with past history, this has to be the final stretch down the ol’ rally road. When the lowest of the low stocks are ripping 20% per day, it’s time to raise cash. I’m in a rather unique situation, as I need stocks to plug the stupid VXX blackhole. As to the reasons why I still own it: God only knows.

Bottom line: If the stock market Gods still love Le Fly, and all of his grandeur, they will send the shares of FTK significantly higher. If not, I will continue to scalp lotto tickets, degenerate OTB guy style.

Go home Mer-rin. Har, har, har. Rotto wins again.

-Chinese Lotto Guys

“Poof. Your lotto games are over.”

-Merlin

I am throwing up a post, mainly because I am stepping away and feel somewhat embarrassed by the “Fly Buy” post, littered with degenerate gambling stocks. Look, these stocks are not for everyone and are very risky. Basically, I am ignoring fundamentals and playing momentum, which has a double edged sword. Thus far, I have booked 20% gains in both JST and XING. I’m long CHGS from high $1.80’s and I am betting on a surge in CDII, HEAT and FEED, based upon the laws of “things in motion tend to stay in motion.”

Following my takeover play, HRBN (+20% winner), I am starting to put together a god damn winning streak. Needless to say, I am not impressed with myself, thus far. I have a lot of lost ground to make up, which cannot be accomplished by trading in small numbers. One large number position of mine, FTK, can make a big difference. Year to date, the stock is up nicely. But, now more than ever, I need this sucker to get going.

Having said that, I am off to my Voodoo Physician, where he will sacrifice a goat in my honor, in order to help jump-start the inevitable and likely short squeeze in the shares of none other FTK.

NOTE: I covered my MELI short for a small gain (2%)

UPDATE: I averaged up on FEED @ $2.98 and bought 10,000 FLWS @ $1.91.

Going with my lotto theme, I bought 10,000 CHGS and 15,000 FUQI at these levels.

UPDATE: I bought 50,000 FEED

Disclosure: Playing Chinese lottery is bad for your health and has been known to cause brain damage in old adults.