H E A D F A K E

Just two hours ago, many of you rookie, ham and eggers, were imploring yours truly to cast away my [[VXX]] position. You declared, in emphatic tones: “I am selling short the VIX at once. We shall endeavor higher from here, mainly because my cock is small and my head is monstrous.”

Lo and behold, fast forward a few hours and you are sucking your own cock. Which reminds me, enemies of iBankCoin shall fear the sharper end of my pen, for I have you in my sights. More on this later.

To sum up today’s confusing trading session: we are fucked something awful I sense panic. As a result, I sold out of a shit load of holdings, including Cameron International Corporation [[CAM]] (I added to this earlier today), raising my cash position to 40%. Also, I added to my Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] position, bringing my total to 6,000 shares, with an average cost in the high $153’s. Like I said, I will buy up to 10,000 shares. So, in the big scheme of things, I have a lot of buying to do, hopefully lower. Some of you peons will never understand that, which is why you do not manage money for a living. And, I added to my POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] position, in the event the market rips higher. As of now, that trade looks like a loser.

Nevertheless, I am well positioned to weather the Greek backdoor action, with 40% cash and 15% in [[VXX]] . God willing, I will be using said cash to buy your margin liquidations, inside of a month or so.

Don’t leave comments on my blogs, especially when you are just some jackass reader, with no more than 3 years of investment experience. I spit on you from 500 meters away.

Do not ever, ever, ever, question my market strategy, for it is weeks, if not months, if not years, ahead of yours. Actually, most of you clam fuckers don’t have strategies. All you do is look at charts and throw bricks at balloons, hoping to pop one with money in it.

Let’s go over a few things, all pertaining to the art of investing.

As indicated in a previous post, I sold out of a plethora of stocks this morning, in order to raise cash. Said cash has a dual purpose: to finance the purchase of future core positions/timely trades. And it will be used to lower the overall beta of my portfolios. With the cash, I bought more Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] , Cameron International Corporation [[CAM]] , POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] and a little more [[VXX]] .

For the record, I am not looking for [[VXX]] to trade higher in the short term. The purpose of the VXX, like [[TLT]] , is to counter trend an up-ticking market. When will I sell [[VXX]] ? Whenever the fuck I am ready to or when the shadows near my favorite urinal tell me it’s time to blow out.

With the reversal in the market today, I sense a short squeeze is coming, which should force the burlapped bearshitters into egregious murderholes. However, the European debt crisis is not over, you dumb jackass. Do yourself a favor and get light or your wife is going to divorce your dumbass for losing the family nest egg.

At the present, I am looking forward to trading out of my Cameron International Corporation [[CAM]] position, north of $41. And, I think POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] has a quick 10 points of upside.

The following is a paid promotion from none other Mr. R.W. Pelican, for no reason whatsoever.
[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xKlq8UWeI9I 616 500]

UPDATE: I changed my mind. I sold out of [[CAM]], north of $39.70

After selling out of outlier, non-essential to thesis names, I am putting a little cash to work, buying 500 Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] @ $149.30 and 10,000 Cameron International Corporation [[CAM]] @ $38.65. And, I bought 2,000 POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] @ $105.15.

I bought 2,000 [[VXX]] @ $23.23.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, your governments austerity measures will be quite harsh. And, you may lose money.

I want to address the rookie/punk trader, who is fully margined out in stupid commodity stocks, waiting for the market to resume its uptrend. Mind you, this is the same guy who chided “The Fly” for being defensive, with stupid comments and inane financial advice. Yet, here I am attempting to help him out now. My kindness does not have boundaries.

Okay, so here goes.

Don’t get excited about the riots in Greece. They are Greek and have nothing better to do. However, watch for the sovereign debt crisis to snowball through Europe, effectively stealing the hearts and minds of investors. In my estimation, until this is put to the back burner, this is a DO NOT BUY market. While it’s true, I’ve been adding to my Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] position. It’s also true that I have like a gagillion dollars to allocate to such investments. For the average loser, such as yourself, you cannot afford to make mistakes, since it will wipe you the fuck out and send you to the homeless shelter for soup and shit.

If you are 100% long, sell immediately to lower the boom. Effective downside hedges are [[VXX]] , [[SKF]] , [[TZA]] and [[FXP]] . Normally, I do not condone purchase of 2-3x ETF fuckery. However, in a rising volatility environment, levered ETF’s do very well, especially if you can catch a nice crash or two.

With my money, I intend to add to my [[VXX]] position and suspend any buy orders I had in mind, due to my belief that this crisis is still in its early stages. When the bounce comes, use it to lighten up.

My target cash position is 50%. Right now, I am about 25% cash, 13% [[VXX]] .

UPDATE: I sold out of Cytec Industries Inc. [[CYT]] , Southwestern Energy Company [[SWN]] , Johnson Controls, Inc. [[JCI]] , The AES Corporation [[AES]] and Newpark Resources, Inc. [[NR]] . My cash is rising, indeud.

I do not agree with Schiff’s assessment, but still worth viewing.

iBankCoin proudly introduces the latest dance to hit wall street, the “Hugh “Hendry.”

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-io-kZKl_B

Go treasuries!

UPDATE:

We are close to extreme oversold conditions, according to the laws of mathematics aka The PPT. I will let you plebs know when it’s time to dive in, head first, into pools of concrete.

Since inception, OVERBOUGHT/OVERSOLD indicators of The PPT

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TNQ1-aK7f9g 616 500]

The sell off is fierce, amidst a cloud of black smoke. Most stocks are down 4%+, mainly because they belong lower. My positioning is exactly the same as yesterday’s, only because I do not sell into 5% dips. For me, it’s important to maintain the long equity exposure, unless of course I thought we were looking at crash mode.

Essentially, everything is playing out EXACTLY as I predicted. The euro is trash, dollar up and everyone in their mother is busy doing The Hugh Hendry, via [[TLT]] . I do not request accolades from the likes of you (the common Internet leech), specifically because I never wanted them.

On the bright side, Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] is green. I am pleased to see that, especially because it is one of my largest long positions.

In short, if you were positioned defensively, prior to today’s dump, bravo. If you are taking hits to the scrotum now, long gold stocks and other bullshit, you deserve a large iBC mug filled with black smoke. I do not believe this is the sell off that starts the mudslide. The PPT is now registering an overall hybrid of 2.40. I will be a buyer when it dips into the 2.30’s. That is all.

UPDATE: I bought 2,000 [[GS]] @ $150.25. And, I bought 10,000 [[VXX]] @ $22.53.

I want you to know, I am deeply troubled by the developments in Europe. The bailout of Greece, like Bear Sterns, may be the warning shot that brings the whole house of cards down. To think, as part of the IMF bailout, Portugal, Ireland and Spain will be forced to lend money. That is a joke.

Although Greece is a thorn in Europe’s side, Spain represents almost 10% of GDP—no laughing matter. CDO spreads are already suggesting fuckery is in the making. You know how this is going to play out, don’t you? The vultures will not stop until they eat flesh and drink blood, as was the case with Bear Sterns.

As you know, I was very cautious on the markets, busy doing the Hugh Hendry and trying to protect my longs with egregious [[VXX]] purchases. What I saw and still see coming down the pipe is an Exodus from the euro, which will funnel cash into dollars and treasuries. Like a domino effect, at some point, the dollar will fall too. But, for now, all eyes are on Europe, as the struggle with monetary cohesiveness intensifies. After all, what’s good for the Germans is not necessarily good for Spain, and vice versa.

Very recently, I reallocated money to the long side, only because I felt my assets were better fit in the jungle of stocks than [[TLT]] . Since my re-entry into stocks, I have not reduced my [[VXX]] position. As a matter of fact, I have averaged down on it. Most of my new purchases are related to the oil spill crisis and Goldman. Aside from Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] , my latest picks are nothing more than trades. With 25% cash and another 11% in [[VXX]] , I am positioned very defensively.

In summary, I believe the whole world will be doing “The Hugh Hendry” in no time at all. The question is: am I better off navigating the market, dealing with the daily ebbs and flows, rather than pussifying my book in [[TLT]] ? I believe the answer is, without a doubt: absolutely.

Since the majority of you are pussies and do not have the gumption to take what’s rightfully yours, I will nominate the only two worthy of an iBC tab, from the peasantry known as The Peanut Gallery.

At dawn, on coming this Sunday, iBankCoin will hold elections for the next tabbed blogger.

Mr. Caine Thaler versus ChessnWine.

I’d be happy to give both a shot. However, I only have one position available, thanks to the unfortunate “iMaxing” of a certain Henry Fool. Let the games begin.

As for the stock market:

Good times are here again. Although, deep down I fear some sort of contagion gripping hold of the faggots who live in Euro-land. I am more than willing to hum and cover my ears, while I buy stocks, wistfully into the apex of the spring.

Top picks: Goldman Sachs Group, Inc. [[GS]] , Newpark Resources, Inc. [[NR]] , Cameron International Corporation [[CAM]] and Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]]

NOTE: I sold out of Fuel Systems Solutions, Inc. [[FSYS]] and [[CGA]] today. Not worth the headache.