When the Risk Trade Ends…

Gold will collapse under a large pile of “Jakegints,” as the ominous “ETF SAVAGERY” takes hold of retail lemmings.

Long dated Treasuries will advance in price, as everything else just loses its luster.

The Vix index will spike, thanks to the great return of volatility and all of its wholesale fuckery.

The euro will fuck itself, while the dollar reigns supreme. This paradigm, incidentally, will put pressure on U.S. exporters.

Commodity prices will plummet, making alternative energy laughable, similar to the grand national practical joke known as “elections.”

Shares of semiconductor companies will drop fast, due to their weak shareholder bases and fickle analyst coverage.

Defensive names, like Kellogg Company [[K]] , General Mills, Inc. [[GIS]] and Kimberly-Clark Corporation [[KMB]] will thrive, while high beta names like Amazon.com, Inc. [[AMZN]] , [[CAGC]] and NetLogic Microsystems, Inc. [[NETL]] suck helmets.

When the risk trade ends, you better lock you fucking doors and punish the kids, for roving bands of “food gatherers” will target your bullshit house for “provision extraction.”

Everything is going to be alight, now that [[SGG]] bounced. I was starting to get worried about a worldwide sugar glut, which would lead to the inevitable destruction of the human race as we know it. It’s smooth sailing here, on a rainy NYC afternoon—as volatility is all but dead (BTW: I am betting against that, via [[VXX]] long).

Being that defunct businesses are all the rage these days, CIT Group Inc. [[CIT]] is a company of interest to me. Could John Thain, The Real American Psycho, rape a 3rd company in a row, without a single win? We shall see.

For the day, I did well, with gains in Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , [[TLT]] , SandRidge Energy Inc. [[SD]] and Sociedad Quimica y Minera (ADR) [[SQM]] leading the charge higher.

Regarding Silicon Storage Technology, Inc. [[SSTI]] :

A competing bid to MCHP’s must be made this weekend or I am out, first thing Monday morning. Selling the company out at $3.05, in the midst of a major up cycle, is a fucking crime. Nonetheless, I am not an activist investor and have more important things to do than stick my beak inside merger and acquisition koolaid.

My plans for the weekend, as always, is to partake in the great American experiment called “Consumerism,” courtesy of Mrs. Fly and her ever so fashionable, yet fickle, taste in the finer things in life.

Oh when the party ends, I am going to be fucking bowling on your fuckers for getting stuck with sticky bombs. You sit there, in your old fucker lazy boy chair lecturing me about finance, yet I am at ALL-TIME HIGHS. Sure, perhaps if I sniffed a little more, I’d be even higher. As far as I am concerned, I’ve sniffed enough—thank you very much.

With today’s move, I am up around 15% for the year, yet you have the audacity to look at me crooked. The music will end buddy; and when it does, you will be shining my shoes. I don’t care how many resources you think you have, research teams, overpaid analysts, whatever. They all suck. You will be on the receiving end of a sticky bomb and that’s all there is to it.

As for the blogosphere: I am the Blogfather. Any questions?

Good.

So, to wrap this post up, we’ve been going up, up, up; but the next move is to visit your burial site.

Top picks: [[TLT]] , [[VXX]] , [[TAN]]

“The Fly” just got done doing “stress tests” on the market and the results are in: this shit isn’t strong enough to chase.

I want to chase some ag names here, based on the Potash Corp./Saskatchewan (USA) [[POT]] news. However, I am resisting the temptation by eating sandwiches.

On a separate note, Briefing.com is reporting Dril-Quip, Inc. [[DRQ]] for Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] takeover rumors. As much as I would like to believe that, being long a million shares, Briefing can go fuck themselves, with their asshole rumors. Seriously, those coffin stuffers disseminate false rumors daily. NEVER buy into them.

If you have been long, take profits and enjoy the weekend. If you have been sitting out this rally, too bad fuckface. You missed it: better luck next time.

With [[TLT]] and [[VXX]] about to go green, Le Fly is heading back to his bear cave for a little nap.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v0HklVuA_WE&feature=related 616 500]

Before you eat your strudel (invest in stocks), I insist that you wait for the creme (see if the rally can hold). I am holding off on any moves until after 10:00am.

Thank you.

Potash Corp./Saskatchewan (USA) [[POT]] just guided way the fuck up tonight. Seriously, I would tell you all how I am playing this, but too many retarded money managers read me and front run my trades.

8:24 ET 3/11/10 POT Potash guides Q1 EPS to $$1.30-$1.50 vs prior $0.70-$1.00 and Reuters $0.94 ($116.93) Company notes that the upward revision reflects a sharp rebound in potash demand that is expected to drive a record quarter for North American sales volumes and strong offshore shipments, as well as higher-than-expected margins in nitrogen and phosphate. Adds that any revisions to annual guidance will be addressed in its Q1 news release on 29-Apr. Note that the current Reuters consensus for 2010 EPS is $5.12. “

Needless to say, I will be deploying capital to the ag sector, immediately, based upon this massive shift in the potash market. It appears, as I have discussed before (check my archives), farmers are no longer starving their soil, in order to save a few bucks. To do so would endanger future yields. As you can see with these Potash numbers, it’s time to milk the farmer again.

I will take 5-10% of assets and buy a basket of ag stocks, starting tomorrow morning.

My 5 year old son asked me this question today. Naturally, my reply was: “no son, he is very much alive, indeed.”

Be sure to tune into Scott Bleier’s video update today at 4:30, regarding this wacky tape. The trial is free, so quit being such a lazy ‘tard and sign up.

NOTE: Merlin was last seen playing with his rubics cube, while mumbling to himself.

“The Fly” aka Senor Tropicana aka Plutonium Petey aka HORATIO CLAWHAMMER has decided to go for a spin in his space saucer, with every intention of abducting some dumbass brokers, then dropping them into random FINRA OTR’s. Additionally, my trading is done for the day, as I have been buying massive quantities of [[VXX]] . I know, you little bitches out there will exclaim: “but, guy, the VXX is inferior to ordinary options, pfff, pfff, pfff.”

You fucking nerds need to go bark up another tree, else I will break your respective jaws with my g-force.

So what am I looking at here?

I am looking at your stupid mug telling me to buy an extended tape and I DON’T LIKE IT. I don’t like it one fucking bit, so quit doing it. By the way, a “special fuck” goes out to all of you talking heads who said “we are in a new era of volatility,” when the VIX was trading above 50. Considering I am buying it at half the value of where you liked it, you need to remove yourself from the industry.

Thank you.

Top picks: [[TLT]] , [[VXX]] , [[TAN]]

Continuing my theme of betting against the market by not really betting against it, I am allocating 10% of my assets in [[VXX]] , under $24.40.

Disclaimer: If you buy [[VXX]] because of this post, the next time you visit the zoo, an ostrich will kick you in the face. And, you may lose money.

So sorry to beat this dog to death, but the decline in [[SGG]] is plaguing me, like [[UUP]] terrorizes Jakegint in his dreams.

Folks, I fear a “blue blazer” event is in the balance. I know you have been making lots of coin, long stupidity. However, sometime soon, men with brains will reinsert your empty vessels back into the matrix—by way of putting the fear of God into your hearts.

Sugar is going down because “shit ain’t sweet no mo’.” And, on top of that, The PPT has seen the Overall Hybrid score top 3, for an unprecedented 5 times, over the last 3 weeks. These levels cannot be sustained, without a pullback. I put my word on it.

So, with my cash, I’m going long volatility, via [[VXX]] .

It’s time.

NOTE: Shout out to my boy Merlin, for calling the top yesterday.