I Squeeze You

I rarely drink heavily on work nights. I will have you know, it’s always a bad idea to get drunk, when you have work the next day. However, I don’t really “work,” now do I? I just sort of lounge around, barking orders at people, while blogging here on the internets. Others in my profession claim “mental anguish.” Well, I will have you know again, they’re just pussies. My point: I should not have had that 20th beer, for I believe it is responsible for making my head spin.

Back to the market:

Since I am impaired today, I will pass on trading and doing things that make me think. Therefore, I will talk to you, the zombified internet trader. We can discuss all sorts of fun shit, stemming from charts to the Nobel Prize and why they don’t really matter.

The market is green and I am making money again—fucking shocker. Some of my outperformers include: [[CBD]] , General Cable Corporation [[BGC]] , Guess?, Inc. [[GES]] , Aracruz Celulose SA (ADR) [[ARA]] , Homex Development Corp. (ADR) [[HXM]] and McMoRan Exploration Co. [[MMR]] . As sure as I am sitting here, that bastard of a stock, Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , will touch $3—one day. By then, I might be 100 years old, walking around in adult diapers; but I will get my $3!!!

Courtesy of The PPT, here are some potential short squeezes:

Synaptics, Incorporated [[SYNA]] , Alliance Data Systems Corporation [[ADS]] , Fuqi International, Inc. [[FUQI]] , Novatel Wireless, Inc. [[NVTL]] , The Cheesecake Factory Incorporated [[CAKE]] , Tesoro Corporation [[TSO]] , Cypress Semiconductor Corporation [[CY]] , NCI Building Systems, Inc. [[NCS]] , Amedisys, Inc. [[AMED]] , The McClatchy Company [[MNI]] and GMX Resources Inc. [[GMXR]]

Don’t fuck with Le Fly, while he is drinking his Monster Energy soda (blue can) and smacking his trader/servants— in the face— with wet towels.

I made more money today, as you wilted away, like iceburg lettuce in a sauna.

Into the bell, I dipped my beak in more Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , not really giving a fuck about what any of you think. So you know, I have a spectacular weekend planned, much better (fancier) than your pumpkin picking ass.

As for you other bloggers and website operators: You don’t know how to deal with mobs. Your website is full of worthless information. It’s like Monday morning garbage. If you want to learn how to blog or how to make your blog a success: watch me if you can, copy me if you dare.

Over the weekend, I will give a summary of my recent moves and future market strategy, only for the gracious people of The PPT, mainly because their IQ’s tend to be much higher and they don’t piss me the fuck off like many of you milk carton fuckers do.

Top pick: POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]]

I bought a bunch of the above stocks, mainly because I can.

In other news, I sold out of my bullshit UTStarcom, Inc. [[UTSI]] position.

Go fuck yourselves.

Congratulations to Prezident O’Bama for receiving the Nobel Peace Prize; he certainly earned it. After all, since he was elected Prezident, there have been no wars and world wide crime is down an astonishing 99%.

In other news, I just got back from an egregious blood test, where I halfway bitched out—nearly passing out from the ordeal. I don’t know why my heart rate plummets to 40, while having my fucking blood removed. But it does and I fucking hate my heart for it. If possible, I’d rip my heart out and punch it in its face, for making me look bad, in front of Doctors, nurses and other snarky people.

Back to business:

The market will close green, only because it is the path of least resistance. I will peruse my positions later on, in order to analyze risk. Now is a good time to take a little off the table, just in case the ball jugglers sell equities next week.

Right here, right now, I like Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , TEKELEC [[TKLC]] , ADTRAN, Inc. [[ADTN]] and Aracruz Celulose SA (ADR) [[ARA]] .

There are two things I know for sure:

1. School buses should not have that little stop sign on the side, fucking up the traffic behind it.

2. “The Fly” wins all the time, even when it appears more wins are impossible.

It’s not like I’ve been a little bit hot. Dude, I’ve been middle of a live volcano, while gasoline rain drops from above, type of hot—for years, jackoff. I am “IVAN THE INFERNO” of this stock game, while you’re just some guy.

Look here, pal, I nailed the crash of 2008, shorting everything from LEH to LM down to the ground. Fast forward a few months, into ’09, I nailed the reversal and have been minting coin since.

Do not try to duplicate what I am able to do, since I am a space alien magician, not from your world. Where I come from, people walk with their brains and shoot people in the face for Vintage, 1991, Colt 45 (Billy Dee Williams Edition) Malt Liquor aka “Earth Juice.” So don’t come here, to my site, iBankCoin, acting like you know how to play the market—none of you do. Even you hedge fund managers, mutual fund losers, you all can suck on my fumes.

No one, in all of the world, is better than Senor Tropicana. Never ever forget that.

More importantly, I am up more than 3% today, on the backs of Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] , TEKELEC [[TKLC]] , DryShips Inc. [[DRYS]] , POSCO (ADR) [[PKX]] , Yamana Gold Inc. (USA) [[AUY]] , Homex Development Corp. (ADR) [[HXM]] , Aracruz Celulose SA (ADR) [[ARA]] and Teva Pharmaceutical Industries Ltd (ADR) [[TEVA]] —just to name a few.

Into the bell, I am holding all of my longs. I do not feel like selling; therefore, I will do nothing of the sort.

I bought 5,000 Aracruz Celulose SA (ADR) [[ARA]] @ $22.95, 10,000 McMoRan Exploration Co. [[MMR]] @ $8 and 3,000 Ceragon Networks Ltd. [[CRNT]] @ $9.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above names because of this post, your face will be punched off, upon entering your favorite eatery. And, you may lose money.

Quit bellyaching about jobs. For those of you who are unemployed, send your resumes into iBankCoin, for I am looking for qualified people to shine my shoes.

You see, folks, I bought [[MWW]] , before the C student analysts upgraded the name, in anticipation of an improving employment market. It’s only a matter of time, via hook or crook, people of America will work again. Granted, their jobs will suck moose balls; but it’s work, nonetheless.

In a normalized jobs market (5-6%), [[MWW]] is worth north of $40. Write it down somewhere, put it in your sock drawer, and go eat a bowl of Chinese noodles.

Yet again, the market is melting up—no surprise there. What is surprising is the price action in Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] . I mean, what in God’s good name are the short sellers thinking? With more than 20% of the shares sold short, and commodities running, Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] is poised, mind you, to break the fuck out, “murking” scores of bears along the way.

As an aside, AT&T Inc. [[T]] is kicking ass on the smartphone front, now signing up Dell Inc. [[DELL]] . Verizon Communications Inc. [[VZ]] is an ass.

To play this, you want to own the names who benefit from the At&t build out, such as Ceragon Networks Ltd. [[CRNT]] , Starent Networks Corp. [[STAR]] , Alcatel-Lucent (ADR) [[ALU]] , TEKELEC [[TKLC]], ADTRAN, Inc. [[ADTN]] and [[ERIC]] .

Separately, General Cable Corporation [[BGC]] is doing all sorts of good shit and will likely blow the barnyard doors off estimates.

Drunken midgets shot from cannons, while a grotesquely obese audience prays for a head to wall decapitation.

Gregarious, yet nefarious, executives sell wooden scraps, disguised as metal to unsuspecting smelters, in accordance with grinning accountants.

And finally, ham and egg investors peruse the internet for inarticulate drivel, providing it is filled with acrimonious sentiments, hosted by wildly callow men.

Instead of buying stocks today, I ventured off on an inane shopping spree, buying irrelevant shit—only because I can.

As expected, the market lifted off into the bell. First thing tomorrow, providing we see some strength, I will continue buying into my Foreign Thesis and pick at a few underperforming commodity names, like McMoRan Exploration Co. [[MMR]] or more Flotek Industries, Inc. [[FTK]] .

In closing, the powers that be, want inflation; therefore, we shall have it.

Trade accordingly.

I don’t feel like buying or selling. I’m just sort of gawking at the boring action this market is giving me. There is very little conviction, on either side, which leads me to believe: this fucker wants to go higher.

Today’s wet towel comes in the form of an anomaly, via a strong dollar. However, it’s only a matter of time before the dollar fucks itself again, effectively sending stocks back up. I must admit, the whole weak-dead dollar situation does not bode well for quality of life concerns, here in the states. But, at least for now, it is incredibly bullish for equities.

Looking out a few years, I believe this country is in for very hard times. The deficit spending is beyond ridiculous; and as a whole, America is a compilation of undisciplined pork chop eating slobs, no offense to the fine gentleman of the south.

However, my job is not to invest money for three years down the road, but now. People want to make money and they want to make it now! I invest for the present, but always mindful of what may occur in the near future. What may look great today can be soiled with vomit tomorrow.

In summary, do not misconstrue my bullishness as misguided hallucinations of utopia. I know this country is in a race against time. I realize that America’s best days are behind her and we are all doomed for the “luxuries” of Chinese prison factories. Nonetheless, while on our trip to Hades, I’m simply picking berries off the lonely trees—enjoying the ride.