Fly Buys: UYG, NOV, MOS

I bought 100,000 [[UYG]] @ $10.27, 3,000 National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] @ $24.70 and 3,000 The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] @ $35.06.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, you will get testicular cancer. And, you may lose money.

No longer will you see tanning salons filled with men, who just got back from the nail salon getting his fucking nails polished and his eyebrows waxed.

That guy is done.

No longer will you see the guy with excess hair gel, cologne and multiple blackberries.

Fuck that guy. He is done.

The chick with a fake tan at the shopping mall, in search of her 20th coach bag, while sipping on a latte is fucking done.

The construction boss with 10 illegal mexicans workers, leaving jobs half done, in order to start a new one is fucking done.

Anyone who believes in free market capitalism is fucking done.

Chris Cox, SEC King Pin, is fucking done.

Donald Trump, saddled with bullshit commercial RE and obnoxious casinos, is fucking done.

Any CEO who thinks he is going to golden parachute out of his bankrupt company is fucking done.

Assholes who are green and clean will never ever see their environmentally safe projects completed, since oil is going back to $40. They’re done, in a very egregiously “ungreen” way.

Finally, the idiots who are loading up on gold bars, thinking it will be the only source of currency in a post Armageddon America is delusional and done. People will not give two fucks and a gay goat in a boat about your bullshit gold coins, when there is no food at the store— because the era of the fucking dustbowl is back in a big way.

Feel free to add your own.

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Pardon the corny title; I just had to write it.

This is what it’s all about. Buying stocks when no one else wants them is the reason why we have a stock exchange. It’s real easy to give up hope and just off yourself with a fucking howitzer. However, it’s hard to man up, watch losses accelerate and buy into this holocaust of confidence.

For the most part, I did nothing today, aside from a few small The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] and National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] average downs. I have lots of cash and will allocate it, during the great unwinding of 2008.

I already missed the short trade, erroneously failing to buy [[FXP]] , [[SKF]] and [[SRS]] when it made sense. I’m of the belief that central banks will force LIBOR rates lower. After all, it’s their fucking money.

I feel like I’m hallucinating watching this fucking market melt away like an ice pop in Brazil. Someone needs to step up to instill confidence in these markets.

We need fucking Santa Claus to step up now and get long some banks, else we’re all doomed.

I bought 5,000 The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] @ $34.76 and 5,000 National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] @ $26.31.

Disclaimer: If you buy the above stocks because of this post, Bush will run for a third term and win. And, you may lose money.

Quit giving me financial advice in the comments section. God help me, I will track you down and have your eyebrows punched off.

I am not shorting here. Do you hear me, you fucking faggots?

The world is not ending. It’s all a big propaganda parade, spearheaded by space invaders who happen to be short National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] .

If you know anything about the market, it is this: buy the blood. It is nonsensical to short stocks, down at these levels.

Next thing you know, magically, LIBOR rates come crashing down tomorrow and you bearshitters get your fucking heads handed to you.

I’m buying stocks at the close.

“The Fly” has frozen his funds, like some sort of twisted Sub Zero fatality move (that one goes out to you Mortal Kombat lovers). There is nothing that will draw me back into the market, both long or short, barring a fucking giant asteroid crashing into the Hoover dam. I am too busy planning obnoxious shopping sprees, than to fuck around with the Dow.

Please, if you want to go trade into this mess, wear a bib. You’ll be drooling over yourself, like an indolent idiot, in no time at all.

Believe me, I am tempted to buy more National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , but I cannot allow myself to do that, while the market is totally ignoring fundamentals. Essentially, stocks will stop going lower, when people stop selling. It may sound too simplistic, but it’s the words of a stock God.

On the other hand, the short side is completely out of bounds for me. There is a lot of shady shit going on, with all of the central banks trying to save the world and all. My money is better off on the sidelines, waiting for an opportunity to buy the blood.

If you must buy something, because you are addled with ADD, get long some [[TBT]] , which gets you short treasuries, with 200% leverage. Eventually yields have to rise. All of this flight to quality shit is a bubble, similar to ag, oil, dot coms and ‘globa growth plays,’ circa 99-2006.

What a fucking market. The commodity sector is meeting its maker today, with massive losses in everything from fried rice to oil. I am having my balls set aflame in National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] . The only good thing is my cash position, now currently at 65%.

However, the mess in NOV is really starting to grate me. The stock does not belong here. But what do I know? Maybe the CEO of the company got caught with a hooker, shooting up heroin in some third rate hotel room?

All I know is the market cannot be trusted. BIG FUCKING SHOCKER.

Hey, I got some advice for you stock market junkies: throw your money into a fucking barrel of flames. You will enjoy it more. This method of capital destruction, via the internet, is entirely asinine. At least when you can toss a few million into a flaming barrel of garbage, you might get to enjoy the warmth of the excess energy, before some homeless guy stabs you in the neck for taking his barrel. On the internet all you get is big fucking zeros.

With my money, I am not touching this piece of shit market. I have too many gains to fuck around with asshole tapes, inside a failing banking system.

However, knowing me, by the end of the day I might nibble at a thing or two.

This evening, some internet friends and I met for a ’round table discussion’, regarding the important matter of the criminality and brazen individualism of the one named Kenneth Fisher.

This man, who is world famous for his mentally unbalanced commercials on Forbes and The Street.com, is a great destroyer of American capitalism and fiat currency and/or faith in mankind.

His funds, as you readily know, are getting assailed, lambasted mind you, to the tune of 30%+ this year, yet he has the fucking nerve and gall/audacity to make public statements regarding stocks, giving advice on crisis management. Is he fucking kidding?

This man needs to be stopped and arrested on charges of conspiracy to destroy the American idiot investor, via low end, yet hypnotizing internet commercials. They are quite good, you must admit. I insist.

Howsoever, Ken is full of all sorts of nugatory data points.

Exhibit A:

In short, it’s men like Ken Fisher and Bill Miller that make Wall Street look like a place where oversized clowns, with large red noses, get fired out of small cannons into fields of stringed beans. It’s almost as if us Wall Streeters have been reduced to 30 second comedy skits on the Jon Stewart show. This vexes me to no end. I say to hell with these pikers. String them up and seize their assets. Let’s send them to Nike sneaker factories in Thailand, where they can get kaned to death for taking 16 minute lunch breaks.

Speaking of which, as many of you know, I have a bone to pick with “The Commodity King,” Dennis Gartman. I know some of you fuckers love that cretins newsletter. But, let me tell you, anyone with the cannon balls to nickname himself after an entire asset class is a fucking asshole. End of story.

That’s like me saying: “I am the King of all Dollars, master and destroyer, commander of the legions of coin and currency.”

Douchebags.

UPDATE: Speaking of douchebags, check out this new Fox business commercial ripping Cramer. Classic.

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