HALT TRADING

I am calling it a day. I sold most of my longs, near the highs of the day and have been making errors ever since. I find myself tempted to allocate capital into The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] and National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] ; but my insanely well tuned brain says “asshole, cut it out and go home.”

So, I am taking my ball and leaving you fuckers on the field, with nothing to toss around.

As predicted, there is obscene carnage in NYC commercial RE. I have clients who manage money for some of the biggest commercial RE guys in the country. Let me tell you, they are not interested in dumb ass NYC buildings.

From Vornado Realty Trust [[VNO]] to Simon Property Group, Inc [[SPG]] to SL Green Realty Corp. [[SLG]] , it’s bloody murder. If I was thinking fast, I would have bought 30,000 [[SRS]] . However, I was too busy “roaming” around my fucking office, reciting the words of Marcus Aurelius.

To sum things up:

I enjoyed bountiful gains today and remain optimistic. The key tell on this market will be how it responds to today’s bout of profit taking, first thing tomorrow morning.

The idiots on CNBC are so fucktarded, it hurts my brain watching them. They are too giddy over the recent rally and need to put things into perspective.

The market will not go straight up. Their incessant cheer leading, as usual, will end up deballing scores of novice investors. Even seasoned pros, like Cramer, have handled this crisis with total dishonor. Remember, that asshole was calling for Dow 4,700 by today, this past weekend, via his low end blog.

Speaking of which: why does anyone subscribe to Realmoney.com? Seriously, I want to know.

I’ll have you know, “The Fly” is rather busy playing a game of darts, at his office “of the Gods.” He is roaming around, again, in a white robe and leather sandals, while his trader/servant follows him around burning incense and carrying “The iBankCoin Standard.”

My plans, as usual, is to outmaneuver my opponents, while enriching my checking account with freshly minted fiat currency. I will not be doing anymore buys or sells today. Instead, I will commence celebrating my victory, over a nice bowl of ambrosia and grapes.

UPDATE: Despite promising no more buys/sells, I bought 3,000 The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] @ $39.35. It’s down too much. Okay, back to my grapes.

Everyone is expecting to see a sell off today, following yesterday’s bonanza of bear barreling. Tomorrow is the pivotal day. Will we advance higher and enter a new bull mode, or revert back to abject fuckery?

Just to recap:

I sold all of my [[UYG]] . In addition, I sold 75% of National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] , before I started buying it back here in the low 30’s/high 29’s. I sold 75% of my The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , Citigroup Inc. [[C]] and Smith International, Inc. [[SII]] positions. And, I blew out of United States Steel Corporation [[X]] , Commercial Metals Company [[CMC]] , NTT DoCoMo, Inc. (ADR) [[DCM]] and [[UKK]] , while holding onto [[M]] , [[TBT]] and Pfizer Inc. [[PFE]] as if they were my balls (I know that made no sense, fuck you).

In summary, my cash position has to be north of 70%, at the present. I own a variety of names, like The The The Procter & Gamble Company [[PG]] , [[M]] , PG&E Corporation PG&E Corporation PG&E Corporation [[PCG]] , The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] and Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , but nothing of great significance.

I will NOT short anything today, no matter what. It is my belief the market will cut the noses off of those bastardly short sellers, first thing tomorrow morning. So, I will keep my gun powder dry, in order to shoot at them (bearshitters), whenever I get the urge.

NOTE: I didn’t sell any of my Deutsche Bank AG (USA) [[DB]] . I forgot about that one.

UPDATE: I have a “forced buying” situation at the office today. I am buying large quantities of [[NOV]], [[MOS]], [[M]] , [[PFE]] and The Procter & Gamble Company [[PG]] , right now, at these levels.

I bought 5,000 National-Oilwell Varco, Inc. [[NOV]] @ $30.42.

UPDATE: I bought another 2,000 @ $30.03.

Disclaimer: If you buy NOV because of this post, your blog will get invaded my mindless idiots from the yhoo message boards. And, you may lose money.

I know it is the rookie thing to do to sell right now, considering everyone is trying to do it all at once. Both my trading system and order entry system are experiencing “technical difficulties.”

Mind you, shit like this makes me want to pull my computer out of the wall and throw it, mind you, into the window of my local Best Buy. Howsoever, I was able to execute most of my trades, taking profits in [[UYG]] , The Mosaic Company [[MOS]] , Apple Inc. [[AAPL]] , Citigroup Inc. [[C]] , [[UKK]] , Smith International, Inc. [[SII]] , amongst a variety of other names.

If this market is in classic melt up mode, it will trick the shorts into believing we are heading lower. They’ll get back in, then BAM, the “guillotine of certain death” aka the “executor of all things homo” will reign down on them, towards the end of the trading session.

With my money, it’s all about keeping it classic and real, of course. Already, I have retarded profits and find no need to over stay my welcome. So, I will sell 75% of my longs today and kick back, relax, and proceed to launch fake scud missiles at Tim Knight’s homo blog.

No, seriously, I might buy some other stuff later. It all depends, frankly. Keep in mind, the last two days have been insane.

More on this later.

Quite egregious, if you ask me.

In other news, “The Fly” has a special message for you third tier fuckers.

Come out to play-ee-yay.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kPQR-OsH0RQ 450 300]

I’ll have you know, this afternoon I offer you zero financial advice. Instead, I will inform the internets of my “unseemly,” yet entirely expected, string of unparalleled victories.

“The Fly” had his best day ever, with gains in excess of 17%. That’s right fuckfaces, 17%.

While it’s true, this victory was awfully pyrric, with irreversible damage done to the state of my internal organs, via last weeks “fuck you, you’re dead” collapse. Nonetheless, I won again and will continue to win, until my body is buried inside of a custom made pineapple coffin (“The Fly” has already reserved his final resting place, which happens to be a giant pineapple coffin).

All day, “The Fly” roamed his office, enrobed in triumph, dressed in the garments of a God, white robe and sandals.

In addition, he (“The Fly”), drank the sweet nectar of ambrosia, from his diamond encrusted chalice, while dumping the ashes of his aged cigar on top of Tim Knight’s bullshit blog page, which “The Fly” visits for laughs and humour [sic].

While many of you bears feel as if you have been dosed with hallucinogenic mushrooms, with the Dow closing up nearly 1,000 points, “The Fly” is cementing himself as an immortal figure of finance, amongst frolicking fuckfaces of folly.

In closing, do not ever doubt the time traveling efforts of Senor Tropicana aka Plutonium Petey, else he will track you down— and punch your fucking hose nose clean off your face.

While in recovery mode, the fundamentals are unimportant. What money managers need to figure out is: where is the true value of the market, without a full blown collapse? Meaning: providing the banks are flush with Federal tier one capital, at what level does the Dow become expensive?

We all know there is a lot of bad news to come. However, markets do not discount all of the bad news at once, idiots. With time, the markets will price the market where it belongs. However, for now, following a massive decline, it (the market) will reflate back to “non Aubrey McClendon margin call” levels.

My guess, that level ranges from 9,500- 10,500.

A good sign for the banks hides in the performance of preferred shares. For the unwashed type, you can track some via [[PGX]] and [[PGF]] .

If we are in classic melt up mode, the market will close at the highs of the day, trade lower tomorrow, then proceed to punch the mustaches off of shorts sellers on Wednesday.

A few things to note:

Dry bulk shipping rates are in the gutter, yet the shipping stocks are up. For a trade, [[SEA]] is worth a look.

The 8% divi in Pfizer Inc. [[PFE]] is better than keeping money in the bank.

[[M]] has a rock solid line of credit, via JPMorgan Chase & Co. [[JPM]] and Bank of America Corporation [[BAC]] , for 2 billion—thru 2012.

[[UKK]] is a kickass upside ETF.

And, finally, “The Fly” wins again, even when the world is about to end.