iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
21,506 Blog Posts

Let There Be Blood

Let me tell you, I just got back from the fucking Doctor’s office and I almost didn’t make it. I don’t take well to blood tests. First of all, I’ve never been to this Doctor and was quite appalled at most of the things that was going in his office.

First of all, he didn’t honour [sic] my appointment, like I have all fucking day to just sit in some fucktards office, with assholes all around me. Next, I found out, after he called me in, he WASN’T even a Doctor. Instead, he was some R.P.A. schmuck, with the internet as his guide to medicine.

No joke.

Following some basic questions, he starting swearing, saying words like “bullshit” and “fuck that shit,” for no apparent reason. After completing our terrific R.P.A-patient conversation, he wrote a script for high blood pressure, despite my pressure being a relatively low 132-82. He said: “you can rip it up after you leave. There are plenty of people who deliver flowers to the funeral home.”

No joke.

As an aside, he spoke with a heavy spanish accent.

Finally, my visit ended with a catastrophic blood test. The technician was great. However, I, on the other hand, punked out and nearly fainted after she withdrew two measly tubes from my Godly arm. After seeing my face turn a light green, my wife and the the two vampires in the office panicked and wanted to take my blood pressure and monitor my blood sugar. Fuck that.

I egregiously declined and opted for a “sweating out” of this ordeal, while the two ladies there commented, in spanish, that “every man acts the same.”

We concluded our chat with them calling me a “pendejo,” much to my chagrin. My wife had to inform them that I “knew that word.” They all had a nice laugh, at Senor Tropicana’s expense—who, yet again, was greatly chagrined.

Separately, the market “shit the bedroom” today. I was not able to efficiently monitor it; so I am unable to give you cogent advice. Hower, I will tell you, with the certainty of 100 hungry lions inside a meat packing facility: there will be blood.

Top picks: [[SKF]], [[SRS]], [[FXP]], short [[TCB]], short [[Mi]], short [[LEH]] and short [[CHL]].

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47 comments

  1. Sierra Water

    Start drinking Mona Vie & take Coromega twice a day. I don’t want to hear it fuckers.. Just do it!

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  2. lol

    Interestingly, I have an eye doctor who, when asked about my vision, told me “Let’s put it this way, I wouldn’t get in a car if you were driving”, all while laughing. He too has a Spanish accent. Maybe they are related.

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  3. Danny

    Doctors are gay.

    Considering a large decline in the indices, there was surprisingly light daily selling as per the iBC Machine.

    I interpret this as less real selling pressure, and more of a “bids being pulled after the run.”

    That may be an incorrect interpretation of events, but what’s indisputable is that there was less selling pressure than I’d expect on a big down day.

    For instance, today was about 25% less strong than Thursdays decline, and only ~ half as powerful as the buying on Tuesday.

    Given that info, it’s possible that light selling on a big down day is a ST net positive.

    Other than that, fundamentals remain unchanged and with much sucketude everywhere.

    The 2nd half rebound I guess depends on how bearish you were to begin with. Maybe earnings aren’t as bad, maybe guidance was worse. For the most part, I’d say the problems we currently face won’t likely be on a path towards correctness this year.

    So that’s my take.

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  4. Airborne Ranger
    Airborne Ranger

    Dude, your a pussy.

    Imagine seeing your buddies blown into pieces by IED’s (thats plural for a reason)in some fuck hole country. Or, shot by some fag sniper as they then lay on the ground covered in blood and screaming for help, all alone, and thousands of miles away from there family.

    No one says it but thats the worst part, knowing your dying with no one you love or care about with you….scary shit

    Bring your blankie next time…

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  5. The Fly

    Ranger:

    If it makes you feel better, immediately following my “blood test horror,” I shot and killed 10 terrorists and kicked some bank teller in the face, who happened to be an employee of Citigroup.

    As you know, Citigroup is the WORST financial institution in the Universe.

    If I were in charge of Citi, I’d fire all the reps there and have them test out the Iraqi highways, effectively clearing out the IED’s for the troops.

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  6. Danny

    not like I’m trying to tell you your shit fly. I just ended up making an opinion about it as if someone had asked.

    Also, as an aside, I drove to the PACW in point loma and buttered the shit out of their floors.

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  7. Mike Hunt

    Remember Fly,

    11,111 is getting closer …

    Followed by 13,000.

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  8. My Cunt

    Tomorow, the DOW will print 11,132, Fly. Write it down. The clock is ticking. After that… 11,133… like a hot knife through butter. ARE YOU READY FLY? COUNTDOWN TO 11,132 BEGINS… TICK TOCK TICK TOCK….

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  9. Aris

    go MER! lol

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  10. Aris

    hahah the SKF went nuts

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  11. TraderCaddy

    MER bottom here in AH? I read dilution but also management buying some of the offering and CDO risk reduction.
    Since the guy on Fast Money with the Devil’s beard and the pony tail says get puts on XLF and he said six weeks ago to buy XLF at 25.00 I will nibble at XLF on the long side. What the hell.
    Charlie G. will tell me what to do.

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  12. The Fly

    Dilution can never be reversed. The banks will never get back to their previous levels, because of it.

    Buy at your own peril.

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  13. TraderCaddy

    I bought a little XLF @ 19.54 in AH. It ain’t the college fund money. Oh wait, they are out of college (except for the one on the golf scholarship). Let’s just call it Vegas money.

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  14. Anonymous Spanish Nurse
    Anonymous Spanish Nurse

    In case anyone wanted to know what really happened today, I will post the transcript from this afternoons office visit:

    Pancho Montego Hernandez III: Ok brothah Fly, drop your panties.

    The Fly: Why, what’s going on here noob?

    Pancho Montego Hernandez III: Hernia check bro, just pretend I’m your wife’s younger sister and drop em.

    The Fly: Whatever fag, she doesn’t even have a younger sister. ‘Sic’ (inaudible)

    Pancho Montego Hernandez III: Ok here we go…..
    WHAT THE ….!!! Sir, You’vs got NO BALLS.

    The Fly: Yeah Yeah, I don’t need them any longer. Haven’t you heard, I’m a BEARSHITTER!

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  15. Molecool

    I think the medical profession in this country is going the way of the banking sector. Scary…

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  16. TraderCaddy

    Wait until we get nationalized health insurance. Since there will be a doctor shortage because of it I will take some online courses to be an OBGYN.

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  17. El Tiberon

    Fly,

    honour – are you trying to hide that you’re a Canadian?

    Do worry, I was in for minor eye surgery and the Dr. says oops…followed by blood streaming down my face and dripping beside my ear onto the bed…

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  18. Stan O'Neil

    I’m really surprised they don’t have my head on a stick in front of Merrill’s office building.

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  19. the mexican

    Fly,
    next time somebody call you “pendejo” just reply “callate pinche puta” (her) or callate pinche puto (him), it means Shut up bitch!

    Shortsell GM

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  20. lol

    Yeah my eye doctor always tries to “upsell” me the laser surgery, so he can bank a little more coin for himself and fat assistant. I’m not falling for that… doesn’t that fucker know that all lasers have stickers that say “WARNING DO NOT LOOK DIRECTLY AT THIS SHIT”? My dentist does the same thing. Like fucking car salesmen.

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  21. Prospectus

    That Lex Luthor press conference was a riot today. “Cover-my-ass” bonds for all!! LOL

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  22. lol

    “Covered bonds” are popular in Europe. That tells you all you need to know, right there.

    Side note: amongst my option trading buddies, the phrase “European-style exercise” is a euphemism for “butt sex”.

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  23. CashIsKing

    Fly, this is what happens when you visit free clinics. Use some of your profits and go see a real doctor you cheapskate.

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  24. The Fly

    I would prefer being stabbed in the neck, before being seen at a free clinic.

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  25. Truth

    Fuck CNBC and their scam of a contest!!!

    Mr. Fly, please call them out on this.

    The last week of the contest they conveniently take down the leaderboards so you can’t see where you stand compared to the “top traders”.

    Then today on CNBC they parade the winners around all day and not once did they disclose how much the winners actually won with. Smells like a rigged contest to me.

    Fuck CNBC and all their lies. They can’t even run a simple contest, how can they bring you real news.

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  26. Woodshedder

    Fly, take your BP medicine like a good boy. Hopefully, they gave you a beta blocker. That will help on those days when your BWLD position drops 10 points after earnings, or when some dumbfuck downgrades CLNE.

    It really does a good job of keeping the heart from pounding under stressful trading circumstances.

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  27. ZenProfit

    Truth:

    CNBS is an ENTERTAINMENT channel.

    You want real news, you need Fox.

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  28. Juice

    a little tidbit re futile PPT efforts to goose the market at the expense of shorts (courtesy Fleck)

    in the fall of 2002, the Japanese decided to tighten their shortselling rules, and bank stocks didn’t bottom out — some 46% lower — until a year later.

    On a related topic, the SEC has also announced an investigation into negative rumors that “hit” Lehman. Funny, I don’t ever remember the SEC investigating buyout rumors surrounding Lehman or Bear Stearns. Nor do I recall the SEC looking into erroneous bullish pronouncements from many entities that touched a mortgage (i.e., IndyMac, Bank of America, New Century Financial, Toll Brothers, etc.). Certainly, the SEC has long turned a blind eye to bullishly oriented market pranks like quarter-end markups.
    It would seem that they’re so clueless about what the real problem is that they’re stuck lashing out at shortsellers. To quote the Lord of the Dark Matter: “Imposing restrictions on shortselling in a bear market in financials is no different than shooting the messenger.”

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  29. Danny

    yeah, no foolin, juice. removing the shorts removes an underlying bid. Senator Douchebag just made any eventual fallout that much more severe for non-SKF owners.

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  30. Q4

    Clubbed To Death

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  31. I got all of SKFie today – all of it because I was already in it on Friday. In fact, I had to move my sell on it up twice. Unfortunately, I am not too heavy in it – every time I go heavy – it kills me, but small, I never lose – strange, no? Now for English lesson # 1. Apostrophes mean possession, not plurality, and “your” is different from “you’re” – got it? Good.

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  32. sysin3

    Hey, chingato,

    Did you get the rubber glove treatment like this market is begging for ??

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  33. Dinosaur Trader

    Great post, Fly. I loved this…

    “I egregiously declined and opted for a “sweating out” of this ordeal, while the two ladies there commented, in spanish, that “every man acts the same.””

    Maybe too many Monster sodas driving that BP up, eh?

    -DT

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  34. lol

    Funny headline from Yahoo news:

    “Obama says bad decisions caused US economic woes”

    Thus ruling out “giant lumbering robots” and “unusual solar flare activity”.

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  35. Juice

    I hear it is common for males around the age of 30 to get faint when losing droplets of red.

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  36. Hitler's Secret Ninja
    Hitler's Secret Ninja

    By way of this “Fly Goes to the Doctor” episode, you have conferred upon your ancestors the burden of irrevocable dishonor. The house of “Fly” is in ruin.

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  37. Hower

    Hower, I will tell you, with the certainty of 100 hungry lions inside a meat packing facility: there will be blood.

    You talkin’ to me?

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  38. KC Trader

    Modern medicine is more harmful than helpful.

    “Which death is preferably to every other? The unexpected.”

    Julius Caesar

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  39. buckeye bob

    Looks like bad loans were not all we exported to Australia – the newspapers down under think SBUX is bailing from the continent – whats the world coming to … maybe we can get Dunkin to get down under so at least the Fly can get good coffee as he flees from his next doctors apmnt

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  40. BOOMER

    Interesting CEO comments from Cognex (CGNX)

    Shares are down sharply in late trading after the company warned that Q3 results would be down sequentially from Q2.

    CEO Robert Shillman said in a statement that “We now expect that the slowing economic conditions that we have been experiencing in the United States will be spreading internationally in Q3.”

    In after hours trading, CGNX is down $4.84, or 22.1%, to $17.10.

    CHECK OUT HOW BROAD THEIR REACH IS:

    Cognex Corporation provides machine vision products. It operates in two divisions, Modular Vision Systems and Surface Inspection Systems. The Modular Vision Systems division develops, manufactures, and markets modular vision systems that are used to automate the manufacture of discrete items, such as semiconductor chips, cellular phones, and light bulbs.

    The Surface Inspection Systems division develops, manufactures, and markets surface inspection vision systems that are used to inspect the surfaces of materials processed in a continuous fashion, such as metals, paper, non-wovens, plastics, and glass.

    The company serves semiconductor and electronics capital equipment, discrete factory automation, and surface inspection.

    THIS IS BASICALLY THE ENTIRE MANUFACTURING COMPLEX!

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  41. Govtbonds

    Fly don’t know if you are mocking the deplorable 3rd world medical care in this country or if this is an incredulous storyline that you conjured up in your mysterious head. If, and I say “if” this is factual, I find it odd that you did not pull out your fly swatter and kill his ignorant ass.

    As one who has immeasurable knowledge on the subject matter, your Blood Pressure at 132/80 is excellent. Go celebrate and take Mrs. Fly on a shopping spree, while you’re out, spend some bucks on a real doc.

    It is a well known phenomena that when us mere mortals go the “Godly Masters of Medicine,” our Blood Pressure will be a tad bit higher due to the fact of being in a medical environment. I find it inexcusable that you were given a prescription for Blood Pressure meds. As a wizard of medical information if your Blood Pressure registered 140/90 you would be told to come back, upon your second visit and it was still at that range, a stress test would be ordered before any reputable doc would sentence you to a lifetime to Blood pressure meds.

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  42. buylo

    I don’t understand why you would want to waste a good trading day, to have some simple medical checks done? You could have had this done on Saturday or let’s say have a “firm” appointment for a certain hour or two, etc. But to waste the entire day and then be called names, etc, what kind of office do you go to? Don’t you have a regular doctor you go to at your age? WTF?

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  43. Blood Pressure

    If you think you have problems with your blood pressure, get a machine and measure regularly at home, for instance once a week, while calm and relaxed.

    Then when you get white coat hypertension in the doc’s office, you can say, “no fucker, when I don’t have your cold metal stethoscope up my ass, my blood pressure is just Jim Dandy, thanks” and show him your weekly results.

    IMPORTANT MEDICAL DISCLAIMER: Stethoscopes are not typically inserted rectally.

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  44. Jakegint

    I was out all afternoon, as it was my son’s first day of egregious sweaty tackle football. I was going to tell some stories, but I’ll let them lie.

    Fly, that was the funniest goddamned story you ever told.

    I took my boy out for some California Pizza Kitchen to celebrate his first day getting his ass whupped by guys in plastic helmets and pads who were much bigger and meaner than him.

    I made the mistake of whipping out the Crackberry after making our order to check on any “updates.” I ended up laughing so hard the whole damn CPK staff now thinks I’m “that insane guy with the kid in the football uniform.”

    Bravo.

    ___

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  45. Jakegint

    Oh, and I’m in agreement with the two docs(?) who just commented above.

    One time, as a kid, my brothers and I awaited our high school physical outside our doctor’s office in lovely Garden City. It was a suburban street location. Lovely, but boring.

    We decided to pass the time by amusing ourselves with our traditional “games of chance.” This one was called, “Chuck Rocks at Thy Brothers’ Head.”

    Unfortunatley, our enthusiasm led to my putting out someone’s nice new Caddy window, “Ker-smash!” Egregiously, the Caddy owner was attendant, even though it was 3 pm in the afternoon, when — by all rights –every male Garden City resident should have been in the City, brokering stocks to pay for their lovely suburban spreads.

    Let’s just say I got a fine “how do you do” from the gentleman.

    I then proceeded to get my physical, whereafter my Pede brings me back to his office and asks me what the fuck was wrong with my blood pressure, which was — for a high school athlete, or for any kid, really, “off the charts.”

    “Did something just happen to you??” he glared at me.

    I immediately ‘fessed up about the egregious accidental vandalism. My doctor, greatly relieved, proceeded to get all pissed off about his asshole neighbor, and claimed he was going to go over there and punch his moustaches (sic) off.

    I don’t know if that ever came about, however. My Pede was a heavy smoker (he smoked Camels like an oxygen furnace in front of all of us) and I’m pretty sure he was particular about his martinis too, so I’m thinking he was a little bit more talk, than action.

    ____

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  46. Govtbonds

    Blood Pressure says: I see you have the same insightful wisdom of the medical flied as I do. Insane to think that one visit and your BP is 132/80 and some nitwit wants to shove pills down your throat. If the fly thinks he may have a BP problem he should cut down on his sodium intake and invest in his own BP machine. Nice to know that others are aware of the White coat hypertension phenomenon

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