As elections draw nigh, I find myself in the precarious position of having to reinvent myself, having been overlooked by Le Fly in his pre-election round up of the candidates:

Thus far, these are the contestants (let me know if I am missing anyone).

Rhino
Maximus
Frozenman
Republicat (he dropped out and endorsed Rhino instead)
Xtrade
Raul3
Zenhunter
Young Gun
Greedfeed
Ggarbacz
Eyewall
Elizamae
Chuck Bennett (The Devil’s Advocate)
Bradjd
Dchsn6
The Letter P
Fryguy
Ingsoc
BEAS (currently domiciled in South Ossetia)

Therefore, effective immediately, this space shall be rebranded, with the express intent of enrapturing the Ibankcoin electorate.  Rest assured, this isn’t benign campaign chicanery; rather, it’s the necessary course for delivering top-shelf content of the of the highest order. Internet service from Xfinity sounds a hell of a lot better than Comcast, doesn’t it? (NOTE: they both suck.)

Comrades, review the above challengers and take note of the paucity of talent. This is a lot unfit to write 6th grade book reports, let alone offer advice vis a vis the perch of “tabbed blogger.” Their pernicious charts and vapid blog writings evoke the musings of Slope of a Dope. Ignore them at all costs, lest risk injury to your person–and brokerage account.

I’m eminently aware of what I’m up against in this election: quantity over quality. This has been their siren song, why they deserve a tab. They post a lot and deserve it “moarer” (their words, not mine). Understand something, you thankless gnomes, I don’t work for free. I require remuneration. So will the scores of minions Rhino lets loose into cyber space at 12:01 tomorrow night.

Pedro’s “new” brand shall be unveiled tomorrow, freshly minted for election night. After all, the Fly himself, aka Le Fly, aka Senior Tropicana, aka HORATIO CLAWHAMMER, aka PLUTONIUM PETEY had to undergo a series of metamorphoses to become the specimen he is today.

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