Setting aside all theatricalities, I’d do some truly terrible things with the winnings.
First, I’d complete the Orbital Space Cannon (OSC), a project I had started back in 2007, but failed to complete due to a shortage of green lasers. After completing it, I’d wipe several nations off the map, targeting their leaders with MUH laser precision.
Then I’d set up a slush fund dedicated to really, really hostile takeovers. These fucking things would be angry, believe me. My company will be equipped with former prosecutors who will not only dredge up dirt on my targets, but also recommend prosecution and removal from society. A typical Fly takeover would look like this.
Fly Co. files 13-d, demands “all of the seats on the board.”
Fly Co. files motion to have entire executive suite removed.
Fly Co. releases dossier on executives revealing widespread criminality.
Board approves takeover by Fly Co.
Executives sentenced to 15 years in prison for fucking with Fly Co.
Also, I’d expand my burgeoning media empire to include live teevee. I’d hire the most egregious people to ever walk the face of the earth. I wouldn’t hire ignorant meatheads, but certified geniuses and debate champions who’d lay waste to every single person who stepped onto the set.
Finally, with the balance of my new found winnings, I’d finance a movement to STOP STREET PROTESTERS WHERE THEY STAND. I do not recognize their democratic rights and would launch a swarm of drones on them, wherever they congregate, which would bomb them with jumping jacks. This is similar to what I used to do during my Wall Street days, when I’d cruise the streets of Wall in my 1980’s styled stretched limo, roll down the heavily tinted windows and say “take this, you fucking pikers”, just before tossing a pack of jumping jacks into a crowd of brokers. This drone strike idea would be an upgraded version of that, sure to be both a crowd pleaser and really ignite a lot of people.
NOTE: That is NOT me in the picture featured on the front page, of an older fat man fixing to win the lottery. He does have cool sideburns though.If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter