I’ve read a lot of articles about the now infamous “Yolo Wolf” losing his entire $2.5m inheritance in the stock market — topped off by getting vanquished, live, for all the world to see in an after hours trading session by betting against $AAPL — donning a fucking blazer and wolf mask.
Apparently, this wasn’t a spontaneous thing, as he was interviewed by several different people ahead of the momentous event. Immediately following this brutish defeat, people said the whole thing was a hoax. Most simply surmised it was fake because who in the world would do such a thing — betting it all in put contracts into an earnings announcement, after already losing 70% of an inheritance?
Yolo Wolf does.
For the sake of this arguement, let’s assume it was real and the man in the wolf mask, awaiting golden showers and champagne toasts, was truly yoloing it because the planets aligned that way for him and this was his shot.
THE YOLO WOLF DID NOTHING WRONG.
You pussies always talk about being hardcore, going for the kill, but rarely, if ever, actually do it. Yolo Wolf was already dead before the trade happened. With just $250k left in the bank, barely enough for a nice car, some clothes and a night out on the town without a watch, he literally had nothing to lose — except $250k of course.
In order to make back the $2.25m that he had lost in retarded trading, he’d have to become a vampire and toil away in front of a hot monitor for the next hundred years or so.
Yolo Wolf was fighting for Sparta, even though he’s a fucking leaf.
He grabbed life by the balls and squeezed as hard as he could and ended up with a handful of mashed testicles.
A great man once said ‘no balls, no babies.’ While Yolo Wolf might not be able to have babies anymore, being that his dick got cut off in the after hours session and all, he still went for the glory, the ephremeral dream cast out by many Yolo Wolves throughout history, as old as time itself. Both the downtrodden caitiff and the canaille — imbibed with the ambrosia of an eager Third Estate, have been inside of that wolf mask innumerable times. For the love of glory, Winston Churchill and Franklin Delano Roosevelt once wore it.
It’s worth noting, however, Hitler wore it too.
Even though this coxcomb resides in loyalist territory belonging to the crown, dare I say, that very same wolf mask, the one bore by both Hitler and Churchill, was worn by our very own George Washington long ago too — during his dream to remove our nation from the clutches of British colonialism. The actions of this magnanimous man then paved the way for the greatest nation to ever grace the planet — the zenith of civilization — becoming home to innovators and inventors who would one day create the most profitable and successful company the world had even known — which sadly and profoundly laid waste to our dear friend Yolo Wolf today. Almost everything comes full circle; it’s the way of life.
Wolf eats wolf.
Godspeed.
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