The DOJ Proposes a Settlement with Deutsche Bank Equal to 70% of its Market Cap

I’m guessing if the boys at Deutsche Bank can convince the EU to lower the fine levied against Apple, this can go away nicely.

In what can only be described as comically shocking, the Department of Justice proposed a settlement of $14b with the German bank for crimes against the American people, regarding mortgage fraud.

This fucking shocked the Germans, as they were eating brats and sauerkraut. It’s widely rumored that several board members nearly choked on their sausages upon reading this news and were only saved by drinking a nearby stein, filled with warm beer, to dislodge the meat from their throats.

If they were to agree to such a fine, it would represent 70% of their market cap, a sum forged in the bowels of hell itself.

Deutsche said in a statement it “has no intent to settle these potential civil claims anywhere near the number cited.” The bank emphasized that negotiations have just started and that it expects the outcome to be “similar to those of peer banks which have settled at materially lower amounts.”

The Wall Street Journal first reported the figure, citing sources familiar with the situation.
The company previously thought that a settlement between $2 billion and $3 billion would be fair, as it had already paid $1.9 billion in 2013 to resolve similar claims, the Journal said.

Reuters reported that, in January, Goldman Sachs said it would pay more than $5 billion to settle claims it misled mortgage bond investors during the financial crisis. The following month, Reuters reported that Wells Fargo reached a $1.2 billion settlement over mortgage fraud allegations. The news service also reported that Bank of America came to a $16.65 billion settlement in 2014 and that JPMorgan settled for $13 billion in 2013.

ABN AMRO’s take.

Shares have collapsed in Germny today, off by 8%, or $1.6b in market cap.