Fed’s Dudely Spews Gibberish in Bali

We’re gonna hike rates, soon, fast and hard. No, nevermind, we’re not gonna raise rates because THE FUCKING WORLD IS BURNING DOWN. After further review, we’re gonna hike rates. We really mean it this time. Oh shit, I forgot I had a doctors appointment and can’t raise rates at this time. We’ll have to raise rates later, no idea when that might be. I’m starting to think we might need to raise rates. Then again, maybe we shouldn’t.

The fuck.

“Directionally, the movement in investor expectations towards a flatter path for U.S. short-term interest rates seems broadly appropriate,” Dudley said in remarks prepared for a speech Monday at a conference in Bali.

Directionally speaking of course.

However, “it is premature to rule out further monetary policy tightening this year,” Dudley said, spelling out that investors may be giving insufficient weight to the chance of the economy performing better than expected, or headwinds from abroad fading.

“If the incoming information validates my view of the outlook, then I believe that U.S. monetary policy will likely need to move at a faster pace than implied by futures prices towards a more neutral posture as the labor market tightens further and U.S. inflation rises,” he said.

Don’t test us, sons. Your bets in the futures markets are reckless. If that data comes in hot, we’ll be hiking rates so hard your head will do a 360 like that exorcist bitch.

Dudley said interest rates are low because investors appreciate that the FOMC “needs to take a risk management approach in its conduct of monetary policy,” especially at a time when the outlook for the U.S. consumer is softening, credit remains tight, the U.S. presidential election could dampen business investment, and the Fed has fewer tools to fight a downturn in the economy than an upswing.

Rates are low as fuck because the world economy sucks, really bad. Plus. Donald Trump is gonna fuck up the apple card and the whole world is gonna burn. That credit is tight with negative to zero rates, worldwide. Ain’t that a bitch?

“Consider the many different channels of potential Brexit influence — not only the impact on international trade and global interest rates and currencies, but also on bank equity prices and on political uncertainty,” he said.

That BREXIT shit is a real downer. Plus, have you seen them banks stocks lately? The fuck out of here, talking about interest rate hikes. We can’t do that now. If things change, however, then we’ll do it.

 

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