iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,951 Blog Posts

The Darkest Horizon Ever is Ahead

One of you bedlamites had the audacity to quiz me as to how I could be so bearish today when I was exceedingly bullish yesterday. To answer this, I will present you with a scenario.

Imagine yourself a good upstanding citizen in a fine neighborhood. You talked to your friend Gladys just yesterday about how swell of a neighborhood it was, replete with the finest amenities money and position had to offer. You venture off from a late night nosh, alone, strolling near the park, amidst a view that has attracted the finest citizens this country has to offer, and has been doing so for the past 150 years.

Out of nowhere a man with a gorilla mask pops out from the trees and smashes you over the head with a large stick. He then takes your purse and leaves you with a stab wound from rump to stump. Well, that’s what China did to us last night and I don’t think I live in a nice neighborhood anymore.

The darkest horizon ever approaches, infused with Chinese black coal. It threatens to engross you in its rapture and reduce your life savings into saw dust. A confluence of significant events are converging, stemming from the disruption in the energy markets and ending in Beijing. Things are heating up in the Ukraine again and Obama has big ears and a small penis.

I’d like to tell you “everything is going to all right.” But it’s not. Many of you will lose fortunes, if you haven’t already. Donald “hair piece” Trump threatens to seize the presidency under the banner of declaring war on China and grape raping them into submission. These are not the days to be lax. You should be cautious.

We are living through the best days ever, with regard to scientific innovation and technological know-how. Then again, the 1930’s represented an era of rapid societal advancement, hamstrung by a mind-fuck of epic proportions. Once the confidence goes, all is lost.

Let’s review the cogs of this market.

Retail: dead
Energy: dead
Apple: Tianneman Squared
Semis: dying
Coal: bankrupt
banks: good
homies: milquetoast
industrials: fucked
REITs: milquetoast

Caveat: Idea flow will remain a priority for me and I fully intend to trade the ranges. Even during the worst markets, there are pockets of jubilation. Moreover, there could be a shift in sentiment that causes me to revisit this dire outlook. But, for now, I remain statuesque in my opinion that the lot of you are entirely fucked, chopped meat, flattened out and grilled–ready to be eaten by celestials with really bad teeth.

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52 comments

  1. zombie

    FIG

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  2. vandamme

    Yawn. ATHs by Pagan xmas. Book it.

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  3. superpositron

    Ok%20can%20I%20short%20the%20market%20now%20and%20check%20back%20in%206%20months%20time%3F%20Or%20is%20it%20more%20complicated%20then%20that%3F

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  4. trashman

    The baby dicked, buttfucking Chinese did it again.

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  5. superpositron

    The%20ibankcoin%20android%20app%20is%20kind%20of%20buggy%20when%20it%20comes%20to%20commenting.%20

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  6. ironbird

    Retail is dog shit due to 0 care exploding costs. The middle class was shipped to China decades ago. Markets go both ways. The Fly is a doctor. Think that pretty much sums it up. Long live Ibankcoin.

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  7. xxxhuggiebearxxx
    xxxhuggiebearxxx

    What is your cash position, SIR?

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  8. halfbloodpope

    That movie worth watching? Gosling movies never seem to disappoint but I see 40% on rotten tomatoes.

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  9. xxxhuggiebearxxx
    xxxhuggiebearxxx

    China has gone batshit crazy. This is the ASIAN CONTAGION all over again….hide your babies and sell your ladies, its about to turn damned ugly.

    MIGHT BE TIME TO BET THE TZA’s AGAIN….JUST LIKE THE GOOD OLE DAYs.

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  10. UncleBuccs

    Wouldn’t you consider biotech a functional cog? BTW, I would imagine all is fine in the fine neighborhood of Princeton, as long as Small World Coffee’s doors are open for business.

    ps. I know you’re joking, but the homosexual that claimed to have smoked crack and had sex with Obama in the back of a limo, claimed the president had “the penis of a white man”…. (I believe he meant smallish)

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  11. tisker

    I don’t think he’s the jovial joking pull a prank on us sort. The fly is the slap you in the face pistols at dawn type over the honor of his opinion.

    I own many banks and its not great if the yield curve flattens but…. Not if this causes grandma yeller to QE4….

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  12. heaterman

    “Obama has big ears and a small penis.”
    ^^^^ One of your all time great lines Sir. Yes indeud.

    On another note………
    Have you been to the Bat Cave to ascertain whether the oil change is up to date and the fuel tank topped off in the FAZmobile?

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  13. trashman

    I’m 10% bitcoin. 80% of Bitcoin trading is in China. I like to think I’m hedged against a market crash and yuan devaluation

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    • sethster99

      Bitcoin is probably not going to be worth a dime when everything collapses. They will replace currencies with a new dollar, but I doubt bitcoin will transfer to it.

      I know you are prepared, but your investments are not correct. You should buy art, just like what was done in Europe prior to WW2.

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  14. levrage

    Well, Gold is working. Treasuries have been good and look to be even better. Gun stocks, e.g. SWHC and RGR are holding up. I’m considering also an investment in physical gold, and guns.

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  15. t.c.

    I loved this post. Don’t worry though Dr. Fly, Yellen, with her Chinese style teeth and hair cut, will save us all.

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  16. BlueStar: Contrarian Investor
    BlueStar: Contrarian Investor

    mama hold me

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    • trashman

      You got lucky. You have never once mentioned Chinese currency devaluation. You were a bear just to be a bear. You sir, are a limped dick, smoothie drinking fagel. Market will be up year end, enjoy your short term correction.

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      • BlueStar: Contrarian Investor
        BlueStar: Contrarian Investor

        You really are a stupid fuck. I wrote in September of last year that the dollar strength would cause a global deleverageing. What do you think a Chinese devaluation was caused by? The $ going up you retarded jack ass. I have been nice but you are just really really dim witted. Stupid fucks like you will lose all your money. Because well you are a stupid fuck.

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        • superpositron

          I%20want%20to%20LIKE%20this%20comment.

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          • superpositron

            That’s what you get when you reply to comments using the ibankcoin android app

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      • it is showtime

        A trigger,
        all (that) bears need
        The setup, of wildly overmoved markets,

        Doesnt matter 1 fuck how the breaking occurs

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  17. sethster99

    buy UVXY and hold till Yom Kippur. Then grab your guns because you’re going to need them.

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  18. Dr. Fly

    THE END IS NOT NEAR…IT’S NOW

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  19. trashman

    Let me break it down for you guys:
    Europe – 75% Communist
    China – Full Communist
    America – Still American as Fuck
    South America/Africa – Doesn’t Matter

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    • it is showtime

      America – moving socialist

      Are you waiting in the shadows with a large gun for someone to say Europe is not C word

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  20. xxxhuggiebearxxx
    xxxhuggiebearxxx

    HEY THE FLY — THEY ARE QUOTING YOU OVER AT MARKETWATCH.

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  21. sethster99

    Time to switch from DWTI to UVXY in the IRA. Should easily quadruple the value, all into worthless dollars after Shmita.

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  22. themarketace

    But if death crosses and visions of rotting Apples are disturbing your sleep, you aren’t alone. ”The darkest horizon ever approaches, infused with Chinese black coal,” predicts the Fly, blogging for iBank Coin. It’s time to be cautious, he says. More on that here.

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  23. jahfari

    MWW aka Monster.com has been crushing ever since earnings… just saying.

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  24. din

    The Space Alien Time Machine that I stole from Señor Tropicana and promptly returned this morning has me at ease. For I am positioned well to quite well.

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