Tim Cook is Steve Jobs’ Self Destruct Invention

The genius of S. Jobs continues.

The latest “innovation” at Apple consists of a phone named after breadcrumbs that comes in different colors. The idea was to appeal to the Chinese farmer who is making $700 per year, with a phone that costs $730.

Brilliant!

We all want pastel colors for our phones, as we gallivant throughout town, heading towards theatre and turkish bathhouses.

I’ve determined, after “deep analysis” and careful consideration, that Tim Cook is indeed an android, invented by the late S. Jobs to destroy Apple. He’s the terminator for Apple shareholders and will not leave until his job is complete. He’s the self destruct letter in Inspector Gadget, the time bomb in your favorite horror flick. He is the caretaker at the Overlook Hotel.

The way Steve saw it, if he can’t have Apple, no one will.

As android Cook slugs on, producing small phones, losing market share in China on a daily basis (18% to 5% over the past two years), patience wears thin on Wall Street. I am sure David Einhorn and Carl “give me three seats on your board” Icahn are trilled to see pink phones and 64 bit architecture. Nah, I’m kidding. They probably don’t care about that stuff at all, being that almost every brokerage firm just downgraded Apple for being losers.

As an American with an excellent tax attorney, I am saddened to see the fall of our best company. But all good things, and evil, come to an end. Think about how the Fins feel about their beloved Nokia.

Apple is the new Blackberry, sans the whole demeaning Canada part.

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