To be perfectly blunt with all of you, I was not enthused, nor enmoured, by the specter of moving my headquarters. It was a perfectly good spot, surrounded by murderers and thieves, hidden amongst the asinine absurdity that is Staten Island. My new locale is in the region of Princeton, NJ. My neighbors are not to be trusted and I am sure they’ve never been arrested for a felony crime.
After 3 years of intense searching, this seems to be the only place in the entire northeast region of the United Steaks that suits me.
The move went according to plan. I hired 7 movers and two 32 foot trucks to haul my shit. All of that, AND MORE, cost me under $3,500, including tip. That’s what I call money well spent.
Now that I’m here, I find myself obsessing over the smallest details, such as lack of a proper hose in the garage and lack of any hose spout or water supply in the backyard. WHO THE FUCK HAS A YARD WITHOUT A FUCKING HOSE IN THE BACKYARD? Plus, I have to paint the entire interior of the house over,install crown molding, paneling, have an electrician inspect, repair and install new systems, renovate 3 bathrooms, install new floors in all 6 bedrooms–just to name a few things that will be driving me nuts over the next 6 months.
Plus, for the fucking life of me, I cannot get this lawn irrigation system to work. And, there aren’t enough sprinklers in the ground.
My life was perfectly fine before this shit. I told Mrs. Fly “I don’t need this shit. I’m busy bowling on fuckers and generally winning all day long. Moving me from this shit hole is equal to tearing down Yankee Stadium. I’m the Babe Ruth of this bitch; don’t fuck with me.”
She just sort of scowled at me, declined my suggestion, then walked out.
I write to you all from my laptop, using my mobile hotspot, as this fuckhead of a house doesn’t have phone, cable or anything yet. Fuck, I’m practically living like a gentleman from the 18th century. I might as well pull out the old calash, attach some black steeds to it, and ride into the night, top hat and cane in hand.
With regards to the market: I’m gonna have to get back to you on that one later.
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Now Fly…If you began the conversation with you wife with ” Listen, PAL…” things might have been a little different….
wha…what does this mean for steve the neighbor?
My Thought also, lol.
It will take a while to get comfortable again. Best wishes for your new digs.
Congrats on the move. Def a pain in the ass. Which golf course are you going to join? Foresgate is nice and close to you.
http://www.forsgatecc.com/Club/Scripts/Home/home.asp
I don’t have time to golf.
6 months? I think it’s going to take a lot longer than 6 months for all you describe.
What about windows and central AC?
BTW, it sounds like Mrs. Fly is a lot like Mrs. Leg.
“United Steaks”
I didn’t catch that one until my second time through the post; whereby I proceeded to eject water from my nose onto my desk. Bravo.
Look on the bright side, now you can go tanning with your new buddies “The Situation” and Pauly D..
Where’s my invite (there’s something wrong with what I just typed)?
Congrats on the move. Definitely money well spent on movers.
Money wasted.You should’ve “asked” Ragin, Chess and Woodshedder to “help” move your stuff.
congrats, pal
It will all work out it always does. And FGS!
I just moved after living in the same small apartment for 14 years. Same moving painting shit. So I stayed there for three weeks then went to Aspen for a month. Just to adjust. My wife came up for the middle 2 weeks. Good way to adjust and forget all the bullshit moving. Now I’m back, the fog is mostly gone and the summer waves are showing themselves.
Speaking of golf, moving makes me want to sink a 7-iron (typically my best club) into an inclined slope, repeatedly, for like 6 hours.
Red futures at nite…traders delite…red futures in morning..traders take warning
And FGS!
Congrats.
“Fuck, I’m practically living like a gentleman from the 18th century.”
Ah, fond memories of the day I moved out of my parents’ domicile and into one of my own. Moving trucks were a couple days late. New bank account hadn’t been set up to accept transfer. Power hadn’t been turned on. All I had to work with was running water and $200 in my wallet. So I got me a paperback from a garage sale down the street, a jar of peanuts for calories/fat/protein and some ramen for bulk, and with the help of some really hot water outa the tap (and some plastic utensils I’d wisely kept from the fast-food joint in the airport), I rebooted civilization over the next week.
Urban camping at its finest!
Doesn’t matter, I will be sure to outperform you again tomorrow. Carpe Diem mother fucker.
I hope your new home & hood is great for you & your family. $3,500 is insanely cheap. Check to be sure that none of the boxes marked “gold dabloons” are missing at that price.
I’m sure you might find a dog track for some decent bookies with minimum felony wraps there M. Fly.
Good purch-price for move services. Y. Better inventory now to discover if there’s anything unique in the family assets dept. missing.
hm… Don’t join golf until you’re beyond wheelchair, into e-chair pulling wheelies; rather, get into a gun club.
You’ll like that $hit once you get to know the locals. BTW: gun-hobbies aren’t for foul wanker$. Co$ts to belong… .
Also, you gotta bad ass Governor now! That’s a plus!
Scotch bottle half full.
Also, for anyone who wants a chance at winning a 10 oz. bar of silver, my compliments:
http://goo.gl/qb1o9
Need some YELP?
Install 6 bedroom floors? Was this an old house or were the floors damaged by animals or out-of-control parties?
Make sure to find yourself a decent handyman, preferably recommended by a friend or colleague. A good handyman should know a lot about houses, tools, paint, carpentry, and be somewhat methodical in their approach.
My home inspector knew a good, trustworthy one. All of my handyman’s work on the walls, floors, doors, outlets and everything else have held up well the past two years since I moved in.
The rooms all have rugs. New,
But I hate rugs
Rugs are soooo 20th century unless, of course, worn at a jaunty angle.
Cheer up ‘Fly’, Staten Island, aside from the ‘Hu-Tang’ and a few ‘Guidos’ has no socially redeeming value. It is literally the ‘dump’ of NYC and no place for an esteemed gentleman like yourself. Princeton was Einstein’s home for a while, perhaps it is apropo after all…
You need a good set of antimacassars and all will well.
Jesus!
Hope you plan your funeral better than you planned this move…
Next time, just let the kids do it?
Have the kids do what?
Fucking redneck
Good luck with the new digs. I’ve got one of those houses without a spigot in the back yard. Total PIA. Time to call a plumber, but it’s low on the list. I get a spigot when Mrs. Yogi gets a new kitchen.
Don’t forget to wave hi to your new neighbor Dr. Krugman.
:'(
Let it be said:
“The longer we dwell on our misfortunes the greater is their power to harm us.”
Voltaire
Cry me a river.
Those hit and miss hotspots…I was better off poaching the new neighbors wifi.
I had mine mounted in the window facing the south and all that jazz, still sucked.
Enjoy your new manour.
You siad, “She just sort of scowled at me, declined my suggestion, then walked out.”
If you were in charge of the pussy this woud not have happened. But like with most married men, we are never in charge of the pussy.
China … start the printing press
I know. Wives. Mine has alwas had me so puasywhipped I can’t even see straight. Every night, you should get yourself one.
Sold half my IOC…
Fly is this your first time living in suburbia?
Bought another 5,000 OMER
I’m surprised Cox hasn’t attached a cable to that manour yet!
You should know my now that house belongs on the Liability side of your balance sheet. The proof of that is the continous margin calls that you receive for repairs and daily shit that is out of your control. Happy homeownership.
FLY, Congratulations on the move! I’ve got family in Princeton- quite nice.
A great wine shop,no connection, just a fan:
http://www.princetoncorkscrew.com/
$500k for a home in West Windsor. Nice buy and nice looking yard. If you like how easy it was to find this, investigate Z.
Wrong
Looks like you’ll be running the AC solving global warming all summer.and I hope Cox gets the gas line in before winter. Me. I never turn on the AC.
“Plus, for the fucking life of me, I cannot get this lawn irrigation system to work. And, there aren’t enough sprinklers in the ground.”
No doubt you’ll have someone in to look at it. But on the in-ground valves there’s usually a handle that you can turn to manually engage. That will at least tell you if the water supply is on (most people turn it off for the winter), meaning the issue is likely as the control panel. Some of the heads may also have buried themselves over the winter. Once the water flows you may find you have more than were initially visible.