iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,445 Blog Posts

I AM JAKEGINT

I had long day, scurrying through NYC for a little business and leisure. I met up with my family in Central park, following a meeting. My wife was with the kids. They were having a ball, tossing themselves around the place like rag dolls. As I was sitting there, next to the water fountain, shuffling through my emails, some fat bitch posted up next to me with her kid. From the second I saw her I knew something was off. Then the unbelievable transpired, right next to me and about 100 other kids and nannies: her 8 year old kid took a shit in a plastic bag she was holding. Chagrined, I quickly moved away. She wasn’t trying to hide anything, twisted up the bag and tossed it in the trash, sending little Jimmy to go swing like a fucking baby gorilla off the bars. In case you thought that was a racial slur, the bitch was white.

I figured if I was going to claim to be JAKEGINT, I’d preface it with a story like that.

I like gold here, way more than Jakegint. This whole Chinese slowdown will end up being HORSESHIT. They are undergoing political transition, as is the case every 5 and 10 years. The new commy fuckers step into office in 2013. Immediately following their appointment, their economy will rip to the upside because these new commy fuckers want to make a first impression.

The Chinese are all about shit like that.

My only gold play is EXK, despite the fact it’s a fucking silver stock. See, unlike JAKEGINT, I’m irrational in my belief systems. I don’t conform to anyone. Hell, both democrats and republicans hate me. Nevertheless, I am JAKEGINT aka Cement Head.

As the ‘reelect Obama’ campaign starts in earnest, I’ll be counting my gold bricks, while kicking homeless men in the dicks, impaling pikers on Wall with sharp sticks.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=E_10tfbfO94

 

If you enjoy the content at iBankCoin, please follow us on Twitter

21 comments

  1. ChrisBrown

    “I’m irrational in my belief systems”
    Hell yea.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  2. crazymoppo

    jiminy christmas, that was the biggest ROFFL I’ve had for quite some time. keep up the good work reporting on the chagrin.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  3. Woodshedder

    At least it wasn’t in her bare hand?

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  4. Woodshedder

    What happens when her dog has to go?

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  5. Taco

    Hola Senor Fly,

    Check out the thighs on these gangsta biotches.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0X9D2v-d6fY

    I agree, gold is overdue. I’m in.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
    • Woodshedder

      WTF, my 10 year old has bigger biceps and chest than these guys. Another guy looks like he has downs. No offense. Yeah, the thighs on the girls are nice.

      • 0
      • 0
      • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
      • Taco

        Another man’s physique matters only if you intend to sleep with him.

        • 0
        • 0
        • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
      • uhh

        “Another guy looks like he has downs. No offense.”

        ha, way to make a statement. Embrace what you think.

        • 0
        • 0
        • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
      • Bobby Boucher

        Shedder: Another guy looks like he has downs.
        Mary: Isn’t that a little politically incorrect?
        Shedder: Yeah, maybe, but hell, no one’s gonna tell me who I can and can’t fight with.

        • 0
        • 0
        • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  6. The Zombie

    Fucking hilarious.

    The Fly is God.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  7. J

    This is so funny.

    But, but Fly, you don’t sound the Jake Gint.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  8. Rick

    “This whole Chinese slowdown will end up being HORSESHIT” I agree. However, we are trying to engineer a pullback here. More negative news please … we need some suckers to sell!!

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  9. drummerboy

    godamn it. i been knee deep in fucking exk for 4 fucking months, i want my SHIT to be golden too. ALL HAIL THE CEMENT HEAD……………is that anything like a “dead head”,gratefully, i mean………..

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  10. whitney baftub

    let the little shit take a dump in a bag….roflmfao,just wait till i gets dat bitch in da baftub,if i sees one bubble,i’s gonna whitney her to def

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  11. uhh

    the stock has a p/e (ttm) of 24

    why this one??

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  12. Martha

    My favorite metal plays, based on both fundamental and technicals, are ABX,AUY,NGD, IAG and some silver plays SLW, PAAS, SIL,CDE.

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"
  13. Dog

    Tell me that dump story didn’t happen. I can’t believe you didn’t say anything to her. Unbelievable…

    • 0
    • 0
    • 0 Deem this to be "Fake News"