Scientific fact #1: 99% of all known communists are avid coffee drinkers. Back in the good old days, Stalin would execute rich folks while sipping on a cup of joe. Truer words have never been told. As a matter of fact, a staggering 100% of all Occupy Wall Street protesters are in fact prolific java juicers.
Scientific fact #2: 99% of all serial killers are in fact coffee lovers. Exhibit A, Exhibit B. If you are a parent of a young child be sure to raise him or her correctly by encouraging tea consumption over “the black death.” Should you fail to do your duties as a parent, there is strong chance your child will grow up and slay you while you sleep.
Scientific #3: Coffee drinkers are accounting cheats. Look at GMCR, Enron, Calpine and Bernie Maddoff: all coffee drinkers.
Look, we can debate this for hours, if not days. Just know this, when I used to drink 5-20 cups of coffee per day, I’d slap people in the face, unprovoked, with hot slices of pizza. I’d also kick old men in wheeled chairs down subway steps, whenever the chance presented itself. Ever since I’ve reestablished myself as a gentleman amongst the Tea drinkers of Great Britain (TdoGB), I’ve been well mannered and cordial. Look at Scott Bleier, Jakegint and Woodshedder: fucking cavemen and coffee drinkers.
In closing, try to avoid being an uncouth, degenerate miscreant by drinking the evil bean and take up the avocation of proper and honourable tea consumption, preferably of the black variety or mate.
WARNING: This video is a horror show.[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XZOLOggfWp0 603 500]
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