UPDATED: iBankCoin is Recession Proof

The employment numbers were bad, but we are bouncing off the lows. Thus far, I’ve sold 75% of my [[SRS]] position and 90% of my [[SKF]] position.

Quite honestly, being up more than 35% year to date, I find no need to be greedy here. I’m not interested in catching tops or bottoms, just the fat middle.

However, I will not adjust my [[SMN]], [[EFA]] and [[DUG]] positions. I do believe there is downside left in those sectors.

We all understand how awful the economy is and how stocks are for asshats. However, keep in mind, nothing goes up or down in a straight line. The downside may be stalled by selling exhaustion.

Do not misconstrue my profit taking ways for wanting to play the long side. I’d rather run around a fucking mine field, with magnets on my feet, in the middle of Afghanistan.

With the proceeds, I will stay in cash.

UPDATE: If you’re going long, hoping for a bounce, be sure to keep tight stops. I believe the market may “re-reverse” and head lower into the close. If you’re buying here, you may end up going bankrupt or wiping out your entire bullshit E-Trade account, by early next week.

Leave the trading to pro’s like me. You over there, just shut up and watch the master at work.

Class dismissed.

I made more money than all of you today.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WMiSiTcz5lo 450 300]

No more bottom calling. No more “late night negotiations” to buy out the worthless assets of [[BSC]]. No more [[ABK]] rumors. No more tech rally. No more “natural gas is the new oil” rally. No more bull market.

Do not be tricked by the hucksters on television or on the internets. There is no bull market in natural gas. It’s all hype. We have massive supplies and demand is not increasing.

Coal stocks will be halved, once a Democrat gets elected President. Write that down.

Let me re-inform you: We are in a bear market. In bear markets, stocks trade down, all the time. Do not let false hope fuck up your trading positions. Get short.

Like I said before, I perused over many financial balance sheets, last night. Many banks are desperately trying to raise capital, via offering egregiously high CD yields. Be careful of that!

Also, many banks’ interest expenses are outstripping interest income. With regards to [[FED]], [[DSL]], [[KRNY]], [[PHH]] and [[CORS]]: I believe they will go to zero, or close to it.

All of the above banks have massive exposure to bad loans and toxic paper. And, all of them are enduring a decline in deposits. In others words, it’s only a matter of time until they implode, via dilutive financing.

The fuckers from CORS, unbelievably, took half of their cash reserves and bought bank stocks with it. No, I’m not kidding you. They have over 150 million dollars, in about 10 poorly run banks, like [[BAC]], [[JPM]] and [[C]].

As for today’s trade:

I made coin. Too much coin to discuss on this stupid website, which falls victim to all sorts of dumbass bandwidth issues.

Just know this: I am only long 3 stocks. My short exposure is about 125%, including [[SRS]], [[SKF]], short [[BSC]], short [[LEH]], [[SMN]], [[EFU]], [[DUG]], [[REW]] and short [[WM]].

NOTE: “The Fly” is moving ahead to round three of the Madstocks Contest. Is it any surprise that he (“The Fly”) will be #1 seed?

Off to eat many 2 1/2 inch ribeyes.

UPDATE: I’m listening to the [[MVIS]] conference call and I am appalled. First of all, Tokman sounds out of it. Second of all, it sounds like they are pushing back product release to 2009. And, finally, but most importantly, they are fucking laughing on the call. With the stock down 50%, over the last few months, NOTHING should be funny.

Amazing and alarming.

Fuck these assholes from CNBC, with their blatant market manipulatory “rumors.” Send that fucker [[ABK]] lower, so that the deal cannot get done.

How many fucking times do we have to hear about this ABK deal? Don’t you get it?

The underwriters are desperate, because THERE IS NO DEMAND. Plus anyway, this deal does nothing but postpone the inevitable bankruptcy of that criminal organization.

[youtube:http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SEArhDxosgs 450 300]

With all major indices set to break new lows, be careful trying to time a bottom. Typically, when new lows are breached, the kitchen sink gets thrown down the elevator shaft, greatly damaging the people who are trying to take it up.

Frankly, the market is not down nearly as much as it should be. Should tomorrow’s data be “recessionary,” we will break 12,000.

Trying to be early, I have large positions in [[SMN]], [[DUG]] and [[EFU]], despite the components holding up well.

When the market breaks, all of those ag plays that Cramer has been touting will get annihilated, as everything becomes a source of funds.

Keep in mind, many troubled hedge funds are heavily long oil stocks too. The closer we get to quarter’s end, we can see a serious unwinding in names like [[XOM]], [[SLB]] and [[COP]].

So sorry for this bullshit website being offline; the bandwidth has been choked to death by our hosting company: Webstrike Solutions.

In short, the goat lovers from down under want me to take my business elsewhere, due to the egregious amount of bandwidth iBankCoin takes from their shared server. So, as soon as Jeremy gets back to his iBC job, we will move this fucker to a dedicated server.

As for the markets, we have a worst case scenario unraveling. I regret covering some of my shorts, yesterday. However, I still have extraordinary exposure to the downside, in a highly levered way.

This is what I did today:

Covered [[DECK]] in the low 100’s

Sold [[CMO]] at $14

Sold short 5,000 [[BSC]] @ $72.14

Bought 5,000 [[EFU]] @ $88.50

Bought 3,000 [[SRS]] @ $117.54

Bought 2,000 [[SMN]] @ $38

As you can see, I believe we still have significant downside left, as the GSE market gets rocked. Shortly, we will hear of multiple hedge fund blow-ups.

Good times.

NOTE: The alarming strength in the Yen [[FXY]] is, well, alarming. Kiss your carry trade goodbye.

I just blew out of my fledgling [[CMO]] position. I am shocked to see the GSE market getting raped. There is a strong possibility I am selling at the bottom. But, in the big scheme of things, it’s such a small position—it’s not worth the headache.

I covered my entire [[DECK]] position, in the low 103’s. The easy money has been made. Time to move on.

For the most part, I am making a “fantastical” amount of coin today, as the credit markets melt away, thereby enriching my [[SRS]] and [[SKF]] positions.

My top pick, by far, is SRS. I want to be long the fucker in the biggest way, in order to pleasantly and profusely sack the bulls who buy REITS.

So, just to recap: We are in meltdown phase, which means there is some quick money to be made on the downside.

The following stocks are all shorts:

I have a myriad of “ass banks” worth shorting to zero.

Developing…

UPDATE: Behold ASSBANK!

In other news, I just went over the balance sheets of 75 banks and asset managers. Let me tell you, many of them will be zeroed out, within two years. For starters, sink your teeth into [[DSL]], [[FED]] and [[CLMS]].

UPDATE II: Oh, and for good measure, an old position of mine (stupid, stupid) [[CORS]] has half of its cash reserves in a portfolio of BANK STOCKS. Talk about egregious mismanagement of capital.