Junior at the Turret

This being August, the last month of the year to take a decent vacation, don’t expect acts of brilliance to translate into the tape. You see how the market is trading, right? It’s the sum total of all of the idiots who are left manning the office, as the meaningful people are out doing drugs on a beach somewhere.

Yes, of course, seeing the NASDAQ flirt with break-even sucks. More so, breadth has gone from about 65% to 56% over the past hour. This is not what I signed up for; but it’s what I got nonetheless.

Summer trading is often listless, frustrating, and unprofitable. I can still hear my wife telling me to “go to cash” just before the summer, 10 years ago or so, because even she knew that I hated trading during the summer. I say “even she knew” because Mrs. Fly has zero interest in this business, despite it affording her the many luxuries she’s become accustomed to.

This is a grind-fest, where everyone ends up on the losing side. You get short, the market rips. You get long, Putin invades Ukraine. At the end of the day, you have to make a decision and pick a side.

Where do you think stocks will be by Xmas? If you’re trading and cannot think so far out, trade smaller. I’ve always viewed the months from June to September as a time of year that I needed to survive, in order to make the real money heading into the New Year.

Things aren’t always what they seem. The market selling off now might trick a bunch of people to get short, only to get squeezed into the bell. This is a perfect time to unwind and eat a few sandwiches.

TNA’s death has been widely exaggerated. Small capped stocks are making a valiant effort here, in the face of horrifying circumstances.

There has been just 1 oversold signal for TNA during this whole Russell slide.

And here we are now.

In my personal account, my largest position is still TLT–as it is being used as a ‘cash substitute’ and will be liquidated towards the end of August. Hopefully by that time I will be able to buy some stocks cheaper. However, as of right now, the market is due for a sharp bounce higher, especially since everyone is on edge–scared of their own shadows.

It’s important that we put in a base today. We do not need to come out with guns blazing, jack-kniving people in the face. Let’s have a nice, clean day, long Chinese burritos scam stocks, merrily going about our days like dignified gentlemen from the 1800’s.

I left for the day early to take the old family, ball and chain and all, to NYC for some Central Park festivities. During that time, I had the opportunity to think about the market, the stupid occupation that I decided to take up, and heartily laugh at the lot of you for the drivel posted on my blog.

Listen to me pal: you are not qualified to offer financial advice here; but you already knew that. Now there’s no damned way I am going to sit idle and watch you predict geo-political events too.

God damn it, I could kill each and every single one of you with small knives.

Russia isn’t going to invade The Ukraine. Even if those vodka whores did, it would have zero affect on 100% of the companies normal people trade in. Do not make mountains out of mole hills, small men from the darkest corners of the internets. Putin is a loser–always has been and always will be a certified 10 times loser. Many of you homosexuals like to post pictures of Putin on bears or shooting bow and arrows, whilst riding atop of golden eagles. That’s because you’re a bunch of fucking assholes who suffer from episodes of psychotic breakdowns that need to be tended to– through massive doses of psychotropics, as well as a stay at Snapper 5.

Listen to me again: one could never predict geo political surprises, not even The PPT. They are outliers that cause volatility to spike. They are inherently gay. But this is total horseshit, just know that.

The rally shall proceed as soon as cooler heads prevail. God willing those heads will be in attendance tomorrow.

It’s like a Nostradamus nightmare playing out here.

Apparently the soviets are on the verge of spreading into the Ukraine, like a cancer. I wonder why they would do that? It really doesn’t matter, as the markets plunged due to the specter of it all. I could throw a bunch of cornered rat analogies at you and none of them would be remembered. However, those of you who bought the dip hoping we’d recover, I am fairly certain you will remember the exact moment Russia decide to go ‘all in’ against the barbarians in the Ukraine.

Since these are simply rumors, I am not reacting and might just take the rest of the day off in protest.

I thought we’d get a steeper sell off. Some stocks, like WFM, are lifting off. This has a certain feeling of unimportance. You do realize almost all important people–worldwide– are on holiday now, right? It’s really just me and you shmucks trying to figure this yarn out. Sure, the market could go down a little–setting up for a September disaster. But I was looking for that anyway.

All I ask, from now until the end of August, is a little earth and water, so that my men can pillage and forage and my horses can graze and kick people in the face. Is it too much to ask for a little market rally, after all that I’ve been through?

I DEMAND SATISFACTION and I also want a severe market rally, one that lobs off the heads of every single person on Twitter.

Top picks: VRNS, ZPIN, VNET and for the hell of it GOGO.

It’s only weird when it means you’re gonna lose a few barrels filled with money.

For reasons beyond my comprehension, S&P futures are now 9 points below fair value. They’ve been deteriorating all morning and all of the bearish people have been making the rounds on both bloomberg and CNBC. They endeavor to scare people, especially the layman, out from their stocks, not to save them, but to simply contribute towards the ultitmate destruction of their milquetoasty lives.

See bears do not ever want to protect other people’s assets. It’s in their DNA, sort of like Dracula, to suck the life out of others. They walk around with black capes and cravats, tricking people into exposing their necks, in order to bite them–no different from a savage animal would in the serengeti. These people have been locked away in the cellars since 2009 and are destitute for some action. Nothing pleases them more than war, pestilence and worse than expected earnings reports out of Target.

With the Ukraine and Israel providing war, and ebola giving us pestilence, they (bears) must be as happy as a gay kid in wrestling camp to learn that Target just warned due to their ‘data breach’ aka mountain sized fuck up.

The 12631 trading room has been upgraded. Join now or forever be a piker.

It’s also worth noting, the fifth iteration of The PPT (only 1 has been released for public consumption) is scary close to completion. See the video below for how very scary it is.

The PPT oversold signals are for members only–and it won again. They will not be discussed again on this blog, so remember that when you’re shining my shoes.

TNA is now oversold, something of an extreme rarity, at least on a historical level. This is where you win.

And here is the chart you all have hanging up on your bullshit refrigerators.

Indeud.

Just in case you’re trying to access the Pelican room inside of 12631 and can’t get in–please click on the drop down menu under ‘member login’ for new link. We’ve moved the server and upgraded the site, tossing the old one away.

I can’t believe it’s August already. This summer is flying by and I haven’t even taken a vacation yet. Due to my early problems with the market, I punished myself and canceled plans to visit Europe. But now the kids are complaining and they want to go somewhere. I was thinking about Orlando; but I’ve been to Disney and Universal so many times. I might just head out to my favorite city in America, La Jolla, Ca, and take them to Lego Land. If any of you wanna be travel agents have some vacation ideas, let me know.

The market is up–so far. Most of my stocks are up, which is just about everything. I own over 50 stocks now, which is probably the most I’ve owned in years. I don’t like the idea of sanctions on Russia, only because I remember how bad it was for the market the last time the Russian economy failed. It’s like we’re inviting a market calamity. Hopefully it gets worked out before disaster.

Look, the Shanghai has been running hot almost every single night. The only place to be now, for swing trades, is in Chinese burritos names. That’s it. 3-D and solar are dead. Social media stocks are being shorted by Janet Yellen, not to mention biotech stocks. The only high beta sector left to trade are the burritos. My favorites, as of now, are ZPIN and VNET–but that changes almost on a daily basis. Today’s burrito is tomorrows garbage, etc, etc.

I’d be remiss if I didn’t talk about the iBankCoin 7th Annual Dinner, starring the world’s best financial blogger who has ever lived.

In attendance was The Option Addict with wife, CHUCK BENNETT with girlfriend, VINCENZO ILLUMINATI, Ragin Cajun, ChessnWine, Cronkite, “The Fly” and my wife. On the menu was mutton, excessive quantities of raw oysters, shrimp, lobster–and as much bordeaux, bourbon, cognac and white russians (extra Dude) that our bodies could contain. One thing that was discussed and possibly agreed upon was for Option Addict and Chess to host a two day seminar, most likely to be domiciled in Las Vegas, a fine excuse for some of you perverts to come out and hang, learn a little, then proceed to cheat on your wives.

As for The PPT: I’ve been informed, in no uncertain terms, that it will be done within a month or two. Mr. Illuminati is working extra hard and has upgraded every single aspect of the software. Current members and prospective members will be thoroughly impressed.

Here is a screen shot of TLT’s August seasonality.

Futures are edging higher this evening. If we do not tank on the open, we shall shoot straight up. That’s my call and I am sticking to it. Ragin Cajun believes we are going to tank this week. Let the best man win.