Greetings and salutations
I stand before you a most joyous man. The stocked market has done nothing but trade up, which has permitted me to feeeeeeel like a genius. In turn, I’m now plotting to do things I’ve never dreamed before. The money isn’t the big change, see, but the mere occurrence of genius. Why, I can predict the future, read minds, look into a digitized screen and see the matrix.
Getting chills up your spine? That’s just a glitch in the matrix. See, since we’re in a simulation, nothing matters, nothing at all. Our fates are twisted like a genetic helix and we’re all just microbes bumping into one another causing chain reactions.
When I was a boy, I loved Xmas. The specter of a morbidly obese man barging into my apartment with a sack filled with toys made me feeeeeeeel good. Nowadays, being able to waste inordinate money and be the fucker with a sack filled with toys makes me feeeeeeeel good too. But my kids aren’t kids anymore and they want clothes and electronics. The pagan holidays just aren’t the same without toys.
At any rate, I wanted to wish all a most joyous occasion. Be sure to drink merrily and eat heartily and always remember someone is watching you. The world is getting smaller by the day and your actions could
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