RETARDED

Everything I did turned out to be wrong. Trading against a fully long portfolio I had an oversized $SQQQ position into yesterday’s close and was delighted to see my fortunes shine as $MSFT dove lower and my shorts increased in both size and girth. As time went on the fucking semiconductors went up and took the entire market with it. By the opening of trade I had losses of 35bps but maintained equanimity and vacillated between a tight range heading into the Fed.

Just before 2pm, I began to buy on market, having already closed out my $SQQQ for a horrendous 8.5% loss. The new longs I bargained into jumped higher and this success caused me to buy more and increase the size and girth of my holdings. After the Fed announced and Powell spoke we had a brief sojourn lower and so I bought more, leveraging myself to 155% equity.

Markets lit up and I greedily shone with excitement, feeling rather good about myself, content. I recall feeling somewhat intelligent, having cleverly navigated a tape that cooked me early. I was in fact doing the cooking now, roasting the testicles of the bears (PAUSE) and conjuring up thoughts in my mind of wanton success with markets shooting higher to the moon perhaps, maybe a bit further.

And then we CRACKED the fuck lower on news that Iran wants to attack Israel. At first I ignored it and then the candles got verbose, so I paid attention and bore witness to +135bps melting into +110bps and then +95bps and that irritated me because I wanted those gains. I thought to myself “hard to sell here after already giving back 50bps” and then we legged lower again, down to +75bps and then +55bps and then +40bps. I went to get some coffee and when I came back my gains had shrunk to just +28bps and then +10bps and then my friend called me and I took my eyes off the screen and during that time the stock Gods harangued me with the final dagger, sending me all the way lower and perhaps a bit more.

I closed down 65bps but it felt like I lost 50%. I had thoughts of completely quitting, furious with myself and the devils who could do such a thing to me, a fine person, both intelligent and empathetic, totally based. The NASDAQ closed +4.5% and I lost 0.65%, which could only mean I’m an idiot.

For the month the NASDAQ shed just 1.7% and I shed 1%, subpar, mediocre, nothing exceptional, dim trading.