LISTEN TO ME NOW

I have never been so sure of a trade, perhaps ever. Carl Icahn is old and he’s a winner and nerds are trying to storm his castle, impugning his integrity and legacy. He is going to throw hot tar onto their heads, then feathers, then he’s going to cut their dicks off.

Many people are in fact short IEP after a short seller twisted a knife into Uncle Carl, proclaiming Carl had made some rookie error and him and his fucking son Brett were morons. Traders laughed at this report and destroyed IEP. Even Bill Ackman joined the fray and took pot shots at Carl.

All this time Carl has been scheming, remaining quiet, biding his time.

I suspect Carl, perhaps even now as you read this, is filming a DEAD MAN’S SWITCH video whereby upon his death he is going to face fuck all of the shorts who bet against him while alive. In his death, he will haunt them and take their money, just like Ebeneezer Scrooge.

Because of this, and other things, I am 10% long IEP. I will trade in and out but always try to remain exposed for the big explosion, for I feeeeeeeeeel it is coming.

Everything else looks good. I closed at session highs +52bps, +122bps for the quant — firmly at RECOURD HIGHS and fully invested without hedges or fear.