SIR — I REMAIN AT RECOURD HIGHS

There’s an old saying around these parts that applies “bet against The Fly and lose your house, wife and kids.” Those rules still apply, more than 15 years after starting this piece of shit website that hasn’t been updated since 2014. Nevertheless, my panache for trading is eternal and all wrongs righted once in front of a computer terminal.

Take today, as an example. I was inside Stocklabs Pelican Room talking shit, buying stocks — a real dip BUYOOR into what seemed like a bottomless pit. The lads inside there, trolls like Nothing and Index, laughed and derided me — as my losses doubled and my outlook became grim. But I held firm with the idea that I’d soon be vindicated and all of those shit-talkers would be castrated under my knife of vengeance by the close.

I stand before you with dicks in hand (pause) completely victorious — higher by 1.26% for the day with 53% cash. My algo driven account gained 5% and the new Quant was +33bps.

My outlook is for misery and pain. But in the short term, I’m looking for a bounce.

And yes, my account is at record motherfucking highs.