ATTENTION EUROPE: WHEAT, FERTILIZER SHORTAGES LOOM, FAMINE LIKELY *

Perhaps they’ll find a way to eat bugs. Maybe this is why they were telling you to eat bugs these past few years — lads like Billy Gates and his soy burgers topped off with cockroaches. With all of the nice hungry African fellows STEAMING into your continent, it’s only a matter of time before the lot of you starve due to Russian wheat and fertilizer OFF THE MARKET.

Prices for the widely used nitrogen fertilizer urea surged 29% in New Orleans for the week ended Feb. 25 — a record jump for the 45-year Green Markets index — after Russia began its attack.
Halted exports from Russia would mean higher costs for farmers worldwide, potentially increasing food inflation when global food prices have already been hitting record highs.

“Russia is the world’s largest urea exporter and second largest potash exporter,” Alexis Maxwell, an analyst for Bloomberg’s Green Markets, said in an email. “Their absence from the global market would squeeze buyers already scrambling for tons.”

HEY! The good news is you can hedge against your famine by going long MOS, IPI and NTR, maybe some CF too. Also, and this goes without saying, Ukraine will soon be under Russian control and they’re a major exporter of wheat and corn themselves, so there’s always that to think about.

The west have bankrupted Russia and now Russia will starve and freeze the west. This has all of the makings for a great big war! The silver lining to the war, obviously, is all them strapping African gents might refrain, dare I say, from exporting themselves into your cities and most might just consider Nigeria to be a preferable locale whilst things are hot. Also, the population reduction from the war might alleviate, shall I say, any grave concerns your leaders might have, or misgivings rather, about the famine that is to come.

I’m +150bps in a horrendous tape — because I am a fucking space alien magician (SAM).