iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,619 Blog Posts

The Time Has Come to Ban Booze Again

Last year I gave up booze for a period of 6 months — mostly to prove to myself I could do it. It has a surprising effect on me — one that I truly enjoyed. No more hangovers. No more sojourns into the endless pits of COCKED TAILS and parading myself with martini glasses. None of that shit. I gave it up — hit the gym 4 days per week — and got very disciplined. My trading was never better and my fitness was on track to become great — but then COVID-19 hit and the son of a whore derailed my fitness efforts and everything has gone downhill, in that regard, since.

I started drinking, as promised, on the first day of summer and I must admit — NOT FEELING IT. I kind of miss the inane absurdity of living an austere lifestyle of temperance.

Last night I hopped on the fucking scale for the first time since April and I was shocked to find out I had gained 10lbs and now weigh 174. While this might be slim for many, or most, of you absolute fat fucks, “The Fly” cannot oblige. I refuse to slide down the path of sloth and sloppiness — carrying myself with disgrace down the boulevard with a protruding midriff over my Peter Millar slacks. Not going to happen.

So effective immediately, AUSTERE TIMES HAVE STRICKEN HOUSE FLY AGAIN.

Gone are the days of endless pasta bowls and sandwiches with brioche — or barreled ass panned cakes with an extra heaping of butter, swimming in mapled syrup. No more cakes, or puddings, or booze for that matter. Absolutely NOTHING at all — no carbs, no beers, no fun, no nothing.

My life will consist of gym, tennis, protein consumption, water, WHEY, study and sleep.

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9 comments

  1. edge

    I eat and drink just about anything I want. I used to be 6 feet tall, but have shrunken a couple of inches due to age. I fit into size 38 pants. I find that to be much more comfortable than workouts at the gym.
    I just had a stress test done and the results would make most young people jealous. Are you sure you’re not taking this too far, Fly?

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  2. MoonshineDelight

    Take up smoking.

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  3. edge

    Well, I suppose that Fly’s gotta be Fly, and that’s a good thing.

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  4. 2 wheels

    Congrats to you Fly! Quitting booze is hard enough to do on your own, and then you have to deal with the peanut gallery trying to throw you off your path constantly. Booze sucks. Put some ganja in that estate pipe!

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  5. dchanko

    Would have thought you as a calabash pipe man.. extra Christopher Waltz

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