iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,318 Blog Posts

BOOLISH: March Jobs Report Posts -701k; New Estimates Predict 10-15 Million Job Losses

We have the fucking Texas Railroad Commissioner on the line right now with Saudi Arabia cutting deals. What the fuck do we need jobs for? Everyone is obsessed with the employment outlook for the country. Meanwhile, on Twitter, the fucking Railroad Commissioner for the state of Texas is telling a different story, a tale of MASSIVE supply cuts of 10 million barrels per day. Put that in your pipe and smoke it.

Yeah, I know what the haters will say.

“Fly what the fuck does it matter, not a single plane in the sky — NO ONE is using oil.”

Whatever. After the virus passes and the economy is RIPPING higher again, oil is gonna go up so much your eyes will bleed. I’m talking $5,000 per barrel. How about that — fucked face? A flight to Paris will cost 1 million dollars — as planes cater to the super high end wealthy only. The bums will have to stay home and sustain of their government dole of $1,200 per mo.

“My sense is that when we get April data a month from now, we’ll see that the economy lost somewhere between 10 and 15 million jobs,” Mark Zandi, chief economist at Moody’s Anlaytics, said earlier this week. “That would be consistent with the initial claims for unemployment insurance data that we’re getting.”

Dow futs are -90, but WTI is higher by 11%, Brent by 16% — thanks to the commissioner. The Eurostoxx 50 is down 0.4%; but they’re all pussies. America will show the world, once again, how to do this shit. We don’t need jobs to see stocks higher. We have UNLIMITED MONEY hacks at the Fed, men on the phone in Texas, and a bunch of unemployed losers now surfing for porn on the internet, as God intended.

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38 comments

  1. numbersgame

    Futures reacting positively so far. Perhaps bulls are running into a mobile guilotine.

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    • narcist

      Positively is too strong strong an adverb. (More like nonchalantly.)

      To be fair, nothing in this report is really unexpected.

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  2. Raul3

    I am here for 1,000 barrels of oil and less air’d planes

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  3. Orson

    I for one don’t think the fed can continue the wac a mole.

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  4. peaches

    Take all the unemployed and make them build a great pyramid, or 3… solely out of oil barrels. That literally solves every economic issue. Nobody will catch coronavirus if they are covered in crude oil.

    If we start building pyramids Trump has my vote.

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    • narcist

      Mass graves are more suitable for the foreseeable future.

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      • ericbakerbruce

        Poor peaches and narcisst 🙁

        Chad suburban soccer dads by day. Liberal shitbag trolls on a financial message board when the family and friends aren’t around.

        Quite the character and duality you gals have going on Skipper & Gilligan.

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        • narcist

          Please go back to school and learn how to write in complete sentence. There are very cheap remedial classes at your local community college. I’ll pay for the tuition.

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          • narcist

            *sentences

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          • ericbakerbruce

            those are complete sentences. do you shit post on your own time or your bosses dime?

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          • narcist

            No, they are not. They are fragmented clauses uttered by a brain-damaged individual who enjoy Trump’s inarticulate rants on Twitter and on the teevee.

            I wouldn’t waste time on you if the markets aren’t so muted today.

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          • narcist

            *enjoys

            My ‘s’ key is acting up but I still strive to be grammatically perfect.

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        • peaches

          I’m so proud of you for not making this about swallowing cocks.

          Baby steps.

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    • heckler

      Can we also carve a bunch of giant stone heads and face them out towards to sea pls?

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  5. Mr. Cain Thaler

    Meanwhile the EURUSD is sub 1.08 now, the GBPUSD is rolling back over, USDJPY is turning back higher, the whole DXY index is spiking. 10 years back below 0.60%.

    Oil wasn’t going to hold below $20, the world suppliers would never have allowed that to happen. But it isn’t going to control the market flow for now. The Federal Reserve’s loose money policies this decade have created a monster; foreign companies and individuals came over here to gorge on our cheap debt. But those groups mostly don’t have the ability to earn dollars to pay it off.

    They made a massive implicit bet on currency markets being stable. The dollar is going to set off a wave of global defaults, and its holders are going to go as far as ripping nails out of the floor to sell the furniture. Lower prices are on the horizon.

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    • Mr. Cain Thaler

      Me (every time you buy stocks): “Yes, I will purchase more $SPXS, thank you.”

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  6. edge

    Trump holds a few high cards. If you want me re-elected you need to bail my sorry ass out. Of course they want their boy in there.
    I’ll sell my longs today. Not enough pop.
    Going into the weekend I’m going to do a big ol’ straddle. I don’t like straddles when the VIX is falling but a big move is in store and I’m not sure which way. Don’t miss it.

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  7. narcist

    In other news, Fly’s homie got out of the box:

    https://mtonews.com/tekashi-6ix9ine-released-from-prison

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  8. awanka

    Disney furloughing workers and parks closed indefinitely. So much bad news getting shrugged off. Euro markets are acting more realistically. We’re in this for the long haul.

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    • Mr. Cain Thaler

      My circle of friends just had its first job loss. This guy is a mechanical engineer who moved out to California for a Heating/Cooling job. Great pay, great benefits.

      Company just got wiped out. They didn’t think this would go on for more than 2 weeks, I guess. Whole company is gone, clean. How many others are like that, underestimating the length of closures?

      We’re about to find out.

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      • ha

        Dollar General is hiring lots of people. He can work there. I’m not sure about pay and benefits; but I hear it’s a very pleasant working environment, except for the corona risk.

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    • narcist

      Which ones? The DAX and the FTSE have been moving in tandem with the US indices.

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      • awanka

        I was looking more at how much we’re off our lows compared to them.

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        • narcist

          About the same. EWG is 16.97% off its 52-week low. EWU 16.25% and DIA 16.31%.

          IWM is still the sickest index, only 10.27% off its 52-week low.

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          • awanka

            You’re right. I thought we were doing better with the recent rally.

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  9. ha

    The small business recovery measures will be an epic fail.

    The SBA now has a budget larger than that of the army and navy combined.
    They put 350 billion pounds of hay on the SBA donkey which is accustomed to carrying a small child around the ring, once.

    Trump can’t just say “you’re fired” to all the career drones working there. Anyone who’s any good will retire asap, following the example of the company execs who bailed in advance of the plannedemic. Those remaining will take more coffee brakes and use up sicktime.

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    • ericbakerbruce

      Indeed. You can’t spell pandemic without Dem Panic.

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      • narcist

        A-ha-ha. Dem Panic. So funny.

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        • ericbakerbruce

          go back to the basement left-wing ideologue

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          • narcist

            Let’s see how “left-wing” I am: pro-gun, pro-death penalty, pro-social security privatization/elimination, pro-pollution, and pro-wars.

            I’ll grab a few guns in my basement and take them to Stone Mountain for a shoot out later today. The weather is nice.

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        • ericbakerbruce

          it’s OK for you to use sentence fragments but not me?

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    • narcist

      The UK and Australia are much more efficient with socialism. They just use their federal governments to meet (essentially) all payrolls.

      No telling if they will really keep doing it till the latter half of the year.

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    • ha

      That was not a commentary on Trump. It’s an impossible no-win situation, period.

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  10. Po Pimp

    Considering we’ve had over 9MM job losses in the last two fucking weeks, I’m taking the over on the 10 – 15MM estimate.

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  11. sgdw

    [ Work At Home For USA ]
    My last month paycheck was for 1500 dollars… All i did was simple online work from comfort at home for 3-4 hours/day that I got from this agency I discovered over the internet and they paid me for it 95 bucks every hour………Read More

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