iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,896 Blog Posts

Car Fixed; Dog Broken — House Fly BTFO Again

Morning lads.

As you well know, I have my car back from the shop driving wonderfully. It feels like a brand new car. So, as nature would have it, now my dog is broken.

Over the past few days, after a brief noshing of some BBQ meat, my fucking dog has been shitting the stairs, late at night — a morning treat if you will — for yours truly. It’s liquid shit and always on the 2nd step of each landing, perhaps some fibonacci level she found to be of great interest. Last night I walked her outside for more than an hour, here and there — I walked her everywhere. Nothing.

At 4am, she entered my room, pacing back and forth, so, begrudgingly, at the vampire time of night — I took her for a walk around the neighborhood and she went — obviously an upset stomach. In my head, I hated her and hoped a larger mammal would appear and eat her — but how mad could I get at a sick animal. What am I if not a generous, empathetic, kind individual.

So then I tucked her onto the end of daughter’s bed and said “Au Revoir Shoshanna!” and attempted sleep, only to be rapidly awoken by my fire alarm system chirping without cause.

I got to sleep an hour and woke up for the kids, only to be entreated to a 2nd step filled with shit again, obviously a great emergency the whole hour my dog had alone, which I just rapaciously cleaned up and addressed.

F.M.L.

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11 comments

  1. stevetheneighbor
    stevetheneighbor

    I hope your neighbors are as understanding as I was back in the day.
    Perhaps your dog is adjusting to Carolina style pulled pork with it’s vinegar based sauce.
    Mrs. Steve and Steve, Jr. say hi.

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  2. kidstock

    A lesson for all home buyers…always replace the carpet. Sorry to hear you’re having a shitty morning. This too shall pass.

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  3. metalleg

    Stick to kibble only. Maybe give her some banana.

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  4. ericbakerbruce

    feeding the dog BBQ’d meat??? you deserve to step in that crap.

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  5. speerothekid

    Just went through this with our dog. Fed my girl’s tiny dog this gigantic T-Bone from a steak. Took him almost a week to get over it.

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  6. boyaj

    Echoing what Speero said about treating the upset stomach. Also, call around to local vets and ask for Royal Canin food.. that always helps my dog

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  7. Dr. Fly

    And it was a fucking brisket, small amount, nothing crazy — no fat — you faggots.

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  8. mx2101

    Get your dog set up as a established patient at a good veterinarian. There are good ones who are reasonably priced. Don’t get suckered into the few vets whose business plan is turning a $250 visit turn into $1,800 of tests. Just about everything you can test or scan on a human can also be done on a dog or cat. No doubt they are good tests, but EXPENSIVE!

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