iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,700 Blog Posts

TRUMP WINS THE TRADE WAR AGAIN; FUTURES SOAR

Ladies and gentlemen, it was nice of you to participate in the latest saga of Trade Wars, winning the war against China because it’s fun and easy to do. This just out via CNBC. Expect a long dick’d rally to the upside first thing tomorrow morning.

China’s Ministry of Commerce said Thursday that the leaders of the U.S. and Chinese trade talks held a phone call in the morning and agreed to meet in early October for another round of negotiations.

The two sides agreed to hold another round of trade negotiations in Washington, D.C., towards the beginning of next month, and consultations will be made in mid-September in preparation for the meeting, the Commerce Ministry statement said, according to a CNBC translation of the Chinese-language text.

Previously, both sides had indicated they would meet in September.

It’s fucking over. They’re gonna meet; ergo, and this goes without saying — STOCKS ARE GOING TO SOAR.

Lucky for me, I stepped in late in the day with not 1, or 2, or 3, BUT 4 OVERNIGHT TRADES. This is who I am, and you’re nothing.

While it’s true, my personal life is anything but comfortable. I am driving inside of a loaner car from 2004 that smells like a fucking crayon box and it has egg shells in it. I suppose southerners peel off eggs while their driving and toss the refuse onto the rugs. I can only assume this to be true, since I’ve seen it with my own eyes. My house still has 500 unopened boxes and everything is strewn out in a chaotic manic mess that makes me feel like going outside in jogging pants and slippers. But I don’t. I refrain from such degeneracy because of who I am and what I represent, which is an ideal that is MOAR and something better than you. This is most aptly demonstrated by my divine stock picks — descended down from the heavens into your computer screens.

Dow futures are +300 and on this day of the good Lord 9/4/2020, “The Fly” is fully fucking invested without hedges, barreling into a chest filled with unmarked bank notes.

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11 comments

  1. lesurgeon

    It’s 2019 you drunk bitch.
    I submit this comment in respect.

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  2. og

    Fuck me for being short.

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    • it is showtime

      I UNLATCHED MY TVIX AND TZA YOU BOZO CENTRAL PLANNERS
      : p

      would never
      touch
      more than
      that

      : p
      REMAINING FULLY FUCKING VICTORIOUS THRU YOUR FINAL BS

      so easy
      so predictable
      ready for any blowoff

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      • numbersgame

        I had losing trades shorting the market in 2008 because of the central planners changing the rules (“Free-market capitalism” or “socialism”? ).

        I realized that the real “Bernanke Put” was not on the stock market, but on USTs. I can’t say with confidnece whether the stock amrket will end higher or lower, but bonds are an easy call. It’s not time to pull up the wheel barrow, but the jump in interest rates today has been long awaited. Ferd saw the rollover yesterday, and i think the interst rate move has at least another day in it.

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  3. heckler

    You’re personal life is fucked, Fly. Lol! But I still love you 🙂 it’s fun and easy to do!

    I’m honestly thinking about taking out a personal loan for $1,000 and buying physical copper

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    • numbersgame

      You do that and you’ll get your leg swept from under you, Daniel-san

      a) taking out loans to speculate is financially stupid

      b) if the market is **expecting** rate cuts, that doesn’t say good things about where home construction and copper are going.

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      • numbersgame

        Also:
        c) taking out loans to speculate is financially stupid (this deserves two mentions)

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  4. bronze28

    your personal life in chaos?? let me send you some crocodile tears as your net worth climbs to the ionosphere.

    FUCK YOU FLY… in a most lovable way.

    your writing skills are far better than Hemingway.

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  5. numbersgame

    NFLX and ROKU lead the way…+1% open and my shorts are on fire

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