iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,431 Blog Posts

Never Be Envious of “The Fly”, For His Plight is Hard and Filled with Terrors

It’s real easy to come to iBankCoin and hate on the caretaker here, since this Fly fellow is always winning in the market and talking shit. He must be lying. I bet he lives in his mother’s basement. I’ve heard them all. But what’s important for you to know, aside from all of these grandiose stock market victories, such as being 60% weighted gold and 15% inverse ETFs into today’s calamity, I am plagued in a hardened way by other maladies.

For example, just yesterday, as I was about to hop into the shower, I caught a glimpse of my olympian styled body and bore witness to a GIGANTIC FUCKING TICK sucking the life out of my body. I quickly ripped it off and threw it into the toilet. Now I have a giant rash and most likely Lyme disease. Since I have multiple errands to attend to today, none of which have anything to do with things that I want to do, I am unable to see a doctor to get the proper medicine that might save my life.

As I am attempting to leave the state of NJ for warmer climes down south, things keep breaking inside of House Fly, costing thousands in repair. Gigantic trees collapsing in my yard, snapping fences in half, severing irrigation lines, pipes flying in the air in need of immediate repair.

My life is one gigantic struggle filled with wanton stress and liabilities that can only be paid by me. My sole outlet from this chaotic world of crass malovolence is my stock market prowess and my writing. Without any of those I am merely a pleb eating Italian ices, just like the lot of you, on a hot summer’s night.

In short, be grateful a person, such as “The Fly” exists, and instead of being envious of him, just know that your lives are most likely happier and better, so pity him and offer words of fantastic encouragement.

In other news, stocks are fucking crashing thru the floor boards today and I intend to be on the road for the final hours of trade. I am leaning towards a long directional bet, for various reasons. If you’re in Exodus, I’ll likely pop into the Pelican Room to relay by findings. Trade alerts will not be going out today.

Ciao.

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15 comments

  1. natehois

    What kind of god damn clown house did you sell these poor souls?

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  2. awanka

    I want to option your life story, Mr. Fly. I smell a Netflix original series.

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  3. ferd

    Awe. But if the tick was in was in long enough to give you Lyme, perhaps it is time to start showering daily.

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    • Dr. Fly

      I SHOWER TWICE PER DAY YOU HORRIBLE SUBHUMAN

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      • ferd

        No need to shout insults in response to my kindly advice. Anyway, when showering, get soap on your hands and go over your whole body – examine any anomalies you feel. Also, when doing yard-work, spray a dilution of permethrin onto your shoes and socks; this will keep most ticks from getting on you in the first place.

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      • juice

        two showers a day = too clean

        you are killing the good protective bacteria along with the bad, hence the vermin that attack your life and property

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        • moosh

          Showering before you hit the sheets and after you wake up to enter into your clothes for the day, ain’t killing too much needed bacteria. It’s just comfortable, common sense

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  4. The_Swede

    Lyme disease will ruin ones life.

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  5. omfgitsjd

    Confucious say, “He who sleep with dog get fleas”.

    OK, so maybe the quote is a little off. Commit a murderous campaign of all-out chemical warfare against ticks (and go see a fucking Doctor).

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  6. narwhal

    Fly, if you’re serious about the rash, please get it checked STAT. Especially if it’s round in shape, you need antibiotics right away.
    I realize you are a Medical Doctor, but doctors are stubborn.

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    • trumpmeister

      Fly is a doctor for sure. He’s an IMG doctor w/o the right to practice medicine in US Steak.

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