iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
19,783 Blog Posts

Happy Father’s Day Lads!

Being a Mother is easy. All you have to do is carry the child for a few months, deliver it, and then make the child sandwiches for the next 18+ years. But being a Dad, a good Dad, takes skill.

Who else will give Junior his first lesson into how to formally tighten a fist and punch some other boy in the nose with it?

Who else will tell him not to cry, that ‘crying is for babies’ and true men, real men, rage out and hit the ball over the fence after striking out the first three times at bat?

Who’s gonna introduce him to his first beer, or tobacco product, or show him how to eat fatty meats?

Who else, dare I say, will give him his first motorcycle and watch war movies with him — showing him how other Dads raised other boys to grow up to shoot people into the face with bullets, for love of God and country?

On this fine Father’s Day I wish all of the true Dads a good great day. The weather here in the northeast corridor of the United States is splendid. Have the wife scramble up some eggs for you and heat up some coffee, and maybe a slab or two of bacon. Why not? Who’s gonna stop you — the doctor? Pfffff.

Head outside and toss the ball around with Junior. After he complains about how boring it all is, head on out to the lake and fish, smoke a powerful cigar, and eat sandwiches with heavily salted meat inside of it. Maybe after that, you can go to the gym to deadlift 315lbs ten times. Let’s see the mothers do that, huh?

See, being a Dad is all about balance — knowing when to tell Junior about the birds and the bees, offering life advice as it pertains to fixing things with a wrench or how to comport oneself as a proper gentleman, in all of its eloquence and grandeur. Some of us grew up without Dads, for whatever reason, so we learned how to become one by watching Saving Private Ryan, or other shows about Fatherhood, such as Red Dawn and 300.

Ah, I can smell the bacon sizzling now. There’s gonna be a heck of a mess in the kitchen this morning — I’ll tell you that much. And guess what? Life keeps getting better. You’re not gonna have to lift a finger — because it’s Father’s Day and everyone else is your servant, so take advantage of it and order a milkshake with extra cream, or maybe have the wife iron your clothes an extra time — just for good measure.

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12 comments

  1. flea

    Nice. Sent a link to this to the little lady …

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  2. dcolella15

    Great post. Thanks fly. Happy Father’s day to you too. I know you are a great father.

    Will promptly send this post to my wife.

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  3. boyaj

    Happy Father’s Day to you as well good sir. Next year, could you do a similar post, except for teaching life lessons to a daughter? She’s my only one, but something tells me I’m much more patient with her than I’d be with a son.

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  4. heckler

    Over The Top – a great 80s movie about arm wrestling and being a dad…

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    • ericbakerbruce

      Classic SNL skit with Norm McDonald, Sylvester Stallone…”Hey, you were in that arm wrastling movie weren’t you?”

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  5. acehood

    We all know Mrs. Fly has you cleaning today, pal.

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  6. cancel19

    Excellent post Dr. Fly! Happy Father’s Day.

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  7. mx2101

    Hope the sofa is not on the moving van.

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  8. metalleg

    Read this post to my three kids today, all in their 20s, 2 girls/1 boy, and all loved it.

    Happy Father’s Day Your Royal Flyness.

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  9. one-eighty

    Don’t forget to engage in the activity that earned you that honour in the first place!

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  10. tradercaddy

    Happy Father’s Day.
    Don’t forget to pack the blue radio in protective wrap for the move.

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  11. ericbakerbruce

    Fuck Cat Stevens / Yusuf. The dude is a freak. He publicly endorsed the fatwa against Salman Rushdie.

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