iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
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Let’s Settle This Once And For All: What Makes a Distinguishable Breakfast?

I’m bound to get a lot of push back on this topic, more so than any opinions on the market. The important topic of what a gentleman should eat for breakfast is one that has been angrily debated for thousands of years. Back in the old days, men would head out and hunt for dinosaurs, take their baby dinosaur eggs, and then eat them with a side of wooly mammoth. Nowadays, we have much bigger options, some of which are cultural, but I’m saddened to tell you in spite of your biases — there is only one acceptable form of breakfast.

Down south, men clad in white suits and straw hats take morning repast over a nice hot bowl of grits and greasy eggs. To accompany this lard, they eat a side order of pig stomach. This is why they lost the war.

Up north, many of us are cold and calculation, no time for breakfast, so we eat granola bars and black coffee, so black it looks and tastes evil.

Out west, there’s no work to do other than enjoy the scenery, so they eat avocado and black beans with eggs over easy and a side order of burrito.

***CEREAL IS NEVER AN ACCEPTABLE FORM OF BREAKFAST, NOT EVEN IN THE DEEPEST BOWELS OF THE SOUTH***

While panned cakes is still universally enjoyed, especially in the Florida panhandle, home of the absolute moron. However, as I alluded to before, there is only one breakfast a man of distinguished qualities should have his chef prepare for him.

And here it is.

French Omelette, two slices of bacon, black coffee, piece of toast.

When making the French omelette, it’s important to roll it over three times and for it to have zero color. The eggs should be almost done when you roll it over — because it will cook when in your dish whilst rolled. Moreover, after plated, the omelette should be glazed over by a slice of butter for proper finishing. It should be noted, anything more than two pieces of bacon borders on gluttony. And if you take sugar in your morning coffee, you do yourself a great injury. The piece of toast is of course optional, especially for those not interested in gaining weight. Bread is both delicious and enjoyable, but offers zero nutritional value and often leads to fat stomaches and faces.

For more on the French Omelette, I give you Chef John.

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5 comments

  1. oldmantrader

    I would have watched the video but found the voice very annoying. Perhaps a bit of strawberry jam for the toast would also befit a gentleman’s breakfast

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  2. juice

    some days are good for oated-meal, others for deviled eggs & ham, still others for frenched toast or panned-cakes w pure maple syrup, not to mention french-styled omeletes with pig slices

    I do like OJ in the am with some coffee, sometimes with demerara sugar sometimes sans, sometimes black, sometimes white .. I’m an equal opportunity drinker of java

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  3. bob smith

    I’m not particularly fond of Salmonella caused by undercooked eggs. But for those of you who enjoy this near-death experience… bon appetit.

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