Market Set to Collapse on Trade War Worries

You listen here good and earnestly.

When I got up this morning and found futures down more than 200, it gave me an extra spring in my step. Immediately, I ran downstairs like a lunatic and tossed on a pot of water on the stove. Then I whipped out a jar of Korean Kim-chi and ate some with bread. You might think that is absolutely disgusting, eating fermented cabbage in the morning. What sort of breath should one expect to have after eating such disgusting fare?

Shut the fuck up.

I’m from middle earth now and I am here because The Era of the Short has begun. Get used to eating horrible foods — merely sustaining off fermented cabbage and maybe dry nuts and a hard sausage. These are hard times now, ya here? Don’t tell me about your cryptos — because they’re dead. Don’t tell me about your tech portfolio — because that’s gonna die soon.

Trump’s plan to slap China in the face with his cock has backfired. The world order is upset and will now press the orange one’s fat head into a panini press — plunging his market lower.

Both Canada and the EU threatened to counter-punch Trump in his head, due to the proposed levies.

“We will not sit idly while our industry is hit with unfair measures that put thousands of European jobs at risk,” Juncker said in a statement.

He also said that in the coming days the European Commission will propose “countermeasures against the U.S. to rebalance the situation.”

This is causing people to freak out — especially since it’s Friday and all — forcing futures sharply lower.

The dollar is lower by 0.4% v the euro and gold is +1.3%.

Happy Friday.