iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,426 Blog Posts

CANADIAN BEATDOWN: $LULU HAS CRASHED AND IS NEVER COMING BACK

It’s a Canadian company. What did you expect, long term growth? No, that’s not how the world works. Canadians come up with great ideas and then their American brothers take those ideas and make them better, rendering the old legacy shit in Canada obsolete.

$LULU just came out with numbers and they were abysmal. It’s over faggots. Stop shopping at LuLuLemon right now. No one likes that shit anymore.

Reports Q4 (Jan) earnings of $1.00 per share, $0.01 worse than the Capital IQ Consensus of $1.01; revenues rose 12.0% year/year to $789 mln vs the $783.32 mln Capital IQ Consensus.
Comp Store Sales increased 6% y/y, gudiance was for mid-single digits.

Co issues downside guidance for Q1, sees EPS of $0.25-0.27, excluding non-recurring items, vs. $0.39 Capital IQ Consensus Estimate; sees Q1 revs of $510-515 mln vs. $552.44 mln Capital IQ Consensus Estimate.

See Comp Sales decrease in the low single digits.
Co issues downside guidance for FY18, sees EPS of $2.26-2.36, excluding non-recurring items, vs. $2.56 Capital IQ Consensus Estimate; sees FY18 revs of $2.550-2.600 bln vs. $2.62 bln Capital IQ Consensus Estimate.

Expects Comp store sales increase in low-single digits

Shares are sliiiiiiiding in the after hours, moron style.

Look, the mall is dead. That’s all there is to it. Women like yoga pants, but not for $100. Any man shopping at LULU isn’t really a man, insofar as he is a manlet, undeserving of being assigned a gender.

I know this is hard for some of you leafs to understand, but your country was founded by losers, men who bet against destiny and made the worst trade in the history of mankind. It’s in your genes for you to lose. Find solace in knowing that you never had a chance.

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30 comments

  1. lastbid

    Manlet !

    the fuck hillarious!

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  2. anjingbauwau

    LOL…. LULU has done wonders for many a womans less than perfect posterior … and you complain! The shame of it.

    there was talk of LULU making a run at UA….

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    • The Maven

      Are you insane? Yoga pants on a bad ass is akin to a belly-shirt on a Harley Hag.

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  3. anjingbauwau

    and made the worst trade in the history of mankind…Gretzky to the Kings? Messier to the Rangers?

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  4. soupbone

    Men runners and joggers wear them and they come across bisexual. They are skinny and the penis (if they are so lucky) is visible through the clothing. Very uncool when around young children and the arrogance is unstopable.

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  5. natehois

    Their socks are good.

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  6. notthesec

    >manlet

    Fly ain’t u less than 6ft

    ¯\_(?)_/¯

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    • The Maven

      Manlet is the physical manifestation of sexual confusion and has absolutely nothing to do with height. Geez.

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  7. tradercaddy

    Let’s at least admit they are good at that sport (and I use that term loosely) with the broom sticks on the ice and thus would be good housekeepers.

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    • anjingbauwau

      Lady curlers are hot….. when they yell hard they mean it! woof woof

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      • tradercaddy

        Yes!
        Plus they love to play with those hard stones made of granite.

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  8. soupbone

    Have you noticed a chill in the air lately? Spring a bit late?

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  9. steve-0

    As a Canadian I have three words for you . Universal. Health. Care.

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    • Dr. Fly

      A fucking leaf

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    • The Maven

      As an American with better healthcare than you I have four words: shut the fuck up. Nobody is running to Canadia for instant gratification for their various ills.

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      • sarcrilege

        I wouldn’t say that – they get a lot of the illegal meheecans and mooslimz these days. it’s an epidemic.

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  10. mr.wiggles

    Wiggles here.

    Been in cash since the week before the Fed meeting. Gonna start dipping my toe back in the water this week.

    Still vegan.
    And still getting pussy.

    Big ups Fly.

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  11. anjingbauwau

    http://www.globalresearch.ca/rush-to-judgment/5581730

    When the DNC was hacked rather than going to the FBI or NSA or CIA they choose to go to Crowdstrike for answers….one wonders why? Furthermore why isn’t the MSM reporting this? Because it is a story that is not supportive of the narrative of the dirty rotten Russians stealing the election from HRC that the MSM continues to parade to the viewers.

    http://www.globalresearch.ca/rush-to-judgment/5581730

    http://americanfreepress.net/tech-company-behind-russian-hacking-forced-to-roll-back-botched-reports-it-claims/

    Crowdstrike’s case for attributing the hacking of the DNC to the Russians is falling apart at the seams like a cheap sweater.

    however CrowdStrike co-founder Dmitri Alperovitch begs to differ……Dmitri eh?

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  12. stockslueth

    I really must chastise you on the use of “Mankind.” Many universities are now encouraging the use of gender neutral nouns and pronouns. You may use the word humankind or humanity but you will receive deductions for the use of mankind.

    Please adhere to the mankind ban at all times, thank you.

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  13. moosh

    Lol. I am still confused on the domino’s robot delivery start up in Europe? Isn’t there some max 20 hour work week over there? What the fuck do they do all day that they can’t get on their scooter for 30 seconds to get some crappy American chained pizza?
    Is there a MLGA up there somewhere, please?

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  14. bennyhill

    Where is derp? Watching more gay rape scenes on YouTube?

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  15. long the fed

    I’m canadian i think this is hilarious.

    Sent from my Blackberry..

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