iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
23,426 Blog Posts

Another Leaked Memo Reveals LITERALLY RIGHT WING GOON SQUADS BEING FORMED

I’m so sick of being called a fascist without actually benefitting from fascist actions and tenets. For example, since us fascists are in power, we should be permitted to ’round up’ political dissidents, such as the skinny lads fighting garbage cans in Seattle, and send them to prison camps aka ‘gulags’ (put yourselves in our shoes). We can do prisoner exchange programs with our new friends in Moscow, and truly get to enjoy the fruits of our right wing, nazi inspired, fascism (pro-tip: Nazism was a left wing movement).

Here’s a ‘leaked’ memo from within the bowels of the Whited House, revealing ACTUAL right wing goon squads being theorized and planned, for the explicit purposes of apprehending illegal immigrats.

The DHS tried to bullshit their way out of it, saying it was a ‘very early draft.’

Right, that’s like me making plans to commit arson as a means to cash in on insurance money, as an ‘early draft’ of increasing my net worth. No one does stuff like that.

Or do they?

Here’s the money shot in the memo.

“I am directing the Commissioner of CBP and the Director of ICE to immediately engage with the Governors of the States adjacent to the land border with Mexico and to those states adjoining such border States for the purpose of entering into agreements of section 287(g) of the INA to authorize qualified members of the state National Guard, while such members are not in federal service, or qualified members of a state militia or state defense force under the command of the Governor, to perform the functions of an immigration officer in relation to the apprehension, investigation and detention of aliens in the United States.”

See what you’ve done leftard America? You’ve forced perfectly rational people into assembling right wing goon squads because you wouldn’t shut the fuck up about nazis and fascism.

You’ve destroyed one too many garbage pails and now you’ll pay for those transgressions. You’re going to be arrested and sent to black sites —  and all you’ll have to show for it is a few snarky moments of joy, at home, with your gay spouses.

NOTE: The alleged goon squad will comprise of 100,000 National Guard, 85% of whom have voted for republicans during every election cycle of their natural born lives.

Ciao

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34 comments

  1. ericbakerbruce

    The most annoying form of goodbye

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  2. matt_bear

    uh….that’s not good.

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  3. Dr. Fly

    Get ready to hide in your attics, leftards.

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    • probucks

      If we’re not Mexican, don’t have pink-hair, and aren’t destructive-citizens who shout “Facist Racists Nazi” at strangers: We’ll be alright?

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      • macpatton

        In the beginning. After awhile no walking the fence

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      • dirkdiggler

        Each of us has an internet footprint which reveals our true nature, and the government has sophisticated algorithms to assess threats. We create our own minority reports.

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    • moonshot

      Made me laugh audibly with this one Fly.

      No joke, I have a neighbor posting regularly about “literally shaking”, afraid of being rounded up and thrown off buildings or whatever, just for being openly gay under a Trump administration. White male, US born citizen in this case too. But definitely in the libtard category. I feel bad for what he must be going through in his head. Not that much though.

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  4. mr.wiggles

    I love Le Fly. By far, the best blogger on the interwebs (period)

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    • aflow90

      Because he tells you what you want to hear so you don’t have to devote any effort to actually thinking.

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      • The Maven

        Aglow, who is your favorite on the teevee? Chris Mathews give you a tingle up your leg when he lisps?

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  5. matt_bear

    The clone storm troopers were great….until they turned around and fired at the people they were serving.

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    • ogphi

      You kiss ass at your day job, obviously is not worth it as you have yet to establish an identity. Shame!!!!

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  6. jonny

    I would say you’re definitely a fascist Fly, no worries there mate.

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  7. mr.wiggles

    See all these possible takeovers being announced? This market is strong AF.

    Back to the good ol’ days of Merger Monday’s.

    This market is strong AF people.

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  8. doubleplus

    I mean, let’s just be honest: it’s the fucking Guard. They can be lured away from the objective with a strategically-placed box of fresh donuts, though I will admit there’s a huge amount of comic potential in this scenario.

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    • macpatton

      Kent State

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      • doubleplus

        That’s a fair reply. However, I propose that frantically (note: Guard) shooting unarmed students takes a lot less coordination than tracking down people, extricating them from their homes and families, centralizing them for processing, and then deporting them. Also, that song will be in my head for like 2 days now.

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      • iflyjetzzz

        That was before Krispy Kreme. I predict that libtards will form Krispy Kreme Krews to render Guard troops harmless. The KKK shall rise again with jelly filled glory holes.

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    • stockslueth

      They will be extreme vetting the Guard with jelly donuts.

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    • heaterman

      Mmmm maybe not….
      Remember a large percentage of our Guardsmen and women have spent some quality time in the sand lot dealing with the natives there.
      They are experienced, battle tuned, cocked, locked and ready to rock.

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    • The Maven

      Just the “fuckng guard” you mean the ones who have been rotated two or three times thru FOB’s in Iraq and Afghanistan? That fuckng Guard? Clown.

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  9. derp

    Well shit. Who will scrub Lena Dunhams toilet when her Honduran cleaning lady gets deported

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  10. stockslueth

    This is just terrible. The cost of domestic services is going to skyrocket!

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  11. heckler

    Can’t have a party without ICE. Rare form today Fly, hat tip.

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  12. 99 lead balloons

    will you be shaving head and wearing doc martins?

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  13. husaria

    Maybe time to act accordingly to their expectations. Need to dig up General Pinochet and give them the what for.

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  14. og

    I knew a guy that was in the National Guard. After college, he went back to Korea and joined a cult.

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  15. southernjam

    Shit. So I have to join the National Guard then.

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  16. clock

    Frau … Halt die Klappe um mich CLF-Investition zu kaufen. Holen Sie mir meine Schlafzimmer Schuhe und mein Getränk.

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