Pokemon Go Trainer, From the Hood

The thirst is real. $NTDOY

He doesn’t see prosperity breaking out anytime soon. Arthur Cashin is sounding like ‘quite the bear’ these days. I wonder why he isn’t foaming from the mouth, pounding red bulls into the fucking ground, buying shit stocks with both hands?

I’ve never been a fan of ‘Montauk’ Bill, ever since the days of JCP. However, this HLF shit has gone too far. This is a company of reprehensible qualities. Ackman just issued this press release, in regard to the FTC settlement.

“While it appears that Herbalife negotiated away the words ‘pyramid scheme’ from the settlement agreement, the FTC’s findings are clear. As part of the settlement, Herbalife can only compensate distributors for ‘Profitable Retail Sales,’ a genuine sale made at a price above the distributor’s average total cost for the product. In light of the fact that the FTC found that Herbalife distributors make little or no profit, or even lose money from retailing Herbalife products, there are no longer any meaningful incentives to become or remain an Herbalife distributor. The settlement also requires Herbalife to eliminate minimum purchase requirements and other inventory loading incentives. Furthermore, in order to maintain eligibility or advance in the plan, distributor requirements must be met through ‘Profitable Retail Sales’ or sales to ‘Preferred Customers,’ who are not buying product to participate in the business opportunity. We expect that once Herbalife’s business restructuring is fully implemented, these fundamental structural changes will cause the pyramid to collapse as top distributors and others take their downlines elsewhere or otherwise quit the business. The FTC complaint and settlement provide a roadmap for regulators in 90 other countries around the world to enforce similar requirements. We intend to work with these regulators to ensure that no future victims are harmed whether in the U.S. or otherwise.”

The stock is well off its highs, but still doing great for the day.

Has anyone gone back to Chipotle since the ecoli outbreak? I haven’t gone back, due to the specific concern that the company never quite figured out the cause or source of the outbreak. The sages at Morgan Stanley have downgraded CMG today, based off sentiments like mine. They did a survey of 2,000 customers and 13% said they wouldn’t go back in the foreseeable future.

We are a forgiving species, aren’t we?

“A full sales recovery to prior peak volumes could take years in our view, as evidenced by the fact that, according to our survey, approximately 25% of CMG customers either have stopped going or reduced frequency, even six months after the last reported food safety incident,” Morgan Stanley wrote in an analyst note.

Predictably, the stock is Yellen soft today.

Never get mad at stocks or the market. That’d be a waste of your time. Should stocks jack knife higher following a horrific terror attack? Probably not. But if recent history is of any use, markets always rally after these attacks. It’s a compilation of all of the assholes in the world, pressing buttons into their computers, greedily trying to profit. It should come as no surprise that German Bunds are racing back to zero, from the deep -0.25% hole it found itself in just a few weeks ago.

A perverse Eddie Barzoon styled narcissism is in the air. Markets want higher. The price of oil doesn’t matter. The fact that travel to Europe is now deemed overtly dangerous doesn’t matter. The fact that stocks have risen for 10 days in a row doesn’t matter. The fact that western governments are moving towards authoritarianism doesn’t matter.

Stocks are up. Ergo, by default, everything is good.

Did I tell you German rail bonds were recently issued with a negative coupon?

It’s a slovenly Friday morning, after a long fraught filled week. Don’t expect Eddie Barzoon to do much selling, unless of course he needs the money for something extravagant or is forced to sell.

Bonds down, stocks up.

Webster Edgerly would be pleased with this Pivotal Research note, calling for a massive squeeze higher for one of planet earth’s most reprehensible companies. I’m not following how a $200 million settlement with the FTC is a ‘victory’ for the company, aside from the fact the FTC didn’t shut them down altogether.

So because the FTC didn’t label you a fucking Ponzi scheme, all is great? This is a morons way of thinking. Speaking of which, here is that pivotal research note.

Pivotal Research notes HLF reached a deal with the FTC late Thursday which was broadly in line with their previously-published views. The co will pay a $200 million fine to the FTC and $3 million to the Illinois Attorney General. The co will adopt a two-tier membership structure — a structure HLF floated in the Spring of 2013 as a possibility. It will need to show that 80% of product sales are to legitimate end users. The FTC changes are applicable in the U.S. only, a 20% mix. While the co has had certain historic weaknesses in its compliance and oversight, it is a legal and ethical business model with the best-in-industry compliance function today. This is a total victory for Herbalife shareholders and a total defeat for the short camp. Leaving aside the potential for a short squeeze that could take the stock to breathtaking levels in the short run, they believe the deal with the FTC is effectively the “all-clear” for HLF and indeed, USANA Health Sciences (USNA — BUY – $122.26) PT $160; and Nu Skin Enterprises (NUS — BUY – $49.91) PT $60. Thus they expect the stock to re-price rather rapidly to the $80-$100 level.

A biblical styled squeeze of +18% is currently underway.

Other MLM scams, err stocks, are buoyed higher by the HLF ejaculation, including NHTC, NUS, USNA.

My God this is an annoying as fuck letter to an otherwise reprehensible company. Did Carl write this for HLF, himself or Ackman?

I have always believed in Herbalife’s strong fundamentals and am pleased the Board has decided to increase my ownership limit from 25% to 34.99% of the Company’s outstanding shares. A significant part of my investment success is directly tied to our in-depth investment research and understanding of often complex and unique issues facing companies. One can be sure that this was the case with Herbalife where we spent considerable time and resources studying the false pyramid scheme accusations made against the Company. Unlike many of those that “shorted” Herbalife, we did not rely on one or two research papers prepared by non-experts. As a result of our research, over three years ago we concluded that Herbalife was not a pyramid scheme. The FTC settlement announced today, coming after a two-year investigation also concluded that Herbalife is not a pyramid scheme – a conclusion that obviously vindicates our research and conviction. While Bill Ackman and I are on friendly terms, we have agreed to disagree (vehemently) on this subject. Simply stated the shorts have been completely wrong on Herbalife. Now that the Company has reached a settlement with the FTC, it is time to consider a range of strategic opportunities, including potential roll-ups involving competitors, as well as other strategic transactions.

I have the greatest confidence in Herbalife’s CEO, Michael Johnson, and the entire management team, who have skillfully led the Company through adversity, including holding firm against a high-profile PR campaign against the Company by Bill Ackman where it was alleged more than once that the Company would be shut down. Obviously, we are still here. I genuinely commend management’s steadfastness in the face of short sellers desperate to rally a bear raid based on false accusations. The short-sellers should also note that since joining the Board three years ago, we have paid attention to their accusations and while the vast majority have been baseless, a handful of their points were valid and the Company has made appropriate changes. Interestingly, ending and modifying certain practices has not hurt earnings one iota.

Herbalife produces some of the finest nutrition products in the world and its direct sales model gives people an opportunity, either full- or part-time, to start their own business. Without the Herbalife sales opportunity many of these people would be unemployed or otherwise have a difficult time finding work. In my teens I spent several summers working as a Fuller Brush man going door to door often working 12 hours per day. I ended up earning more during the summer than my father. Many of my friends who also started with me but were not willing to work as hard failed as salesmen. But no one would believe their failure made Fuller Brush a “bad” company. Fuller Brush, much like Herbalife, provided many people with potential income opportunities where such opportunities may not have otherwise existed. Just because not everyone can be successful selling Herbalife products does not mean Herbalife is a “bad” company.” I believe that now the cloud over Herbalife is gone, the Company will continue to grow and continue to provide much needed employment for many more hard-working people.”

Fucking coward.

The driver was known to police for violence and weapons, but not terrorism. He was a 30 year old French-Tunisian national. He was born in the shithole of Tunisia, moved to France and grew up hating France so much, he ended up doing this. Religion of peace.

The truck he weaponized to maim and kill revelers was rented by the terrorist scum.

Inside the truck were fake guns and inactive grenades. What the fuck is that all about?

He drove over a mile at speeds up to 70mph, zig-zagging along the way, trying his best to maximize casualties. Eighty four people were killed, scores injured and another 20 are in intensive care.

There are reports that he was driving, and simultaneously shooting at people, like a fucking cartoon character, but that hasn’t been confirmed thus far.

Amongst the dead are two Americans, a father and son enjoying Bastille Day–watching the fireworks on the coast of France.

He promises to take firm action against ISIS. But we know he will do nothing.