Markets Lift Again into Bad News

When was the last time markets went up because of fiscal stimulus or GDP growth buoyed stocks? Almost every rally is due to monetary promises, which are nothing more than plots and schemes to send stocks higher.

Is anything wrong with stocks going higher all the time?

No. As a matter of fact, I was the guy who claimed to be ‘permanently’ bullish, up until the point when I couldn’t take the bullshit anymore. Earnings season is what did it to me. It revealed the truth behind the facade and it always led to Netflix like harrowing losses. There isn’t much the Fed could do about NFLX missing numbers, other than create the conditions in the market to make stocks like NFLX attractive.

Over the past three weeks, the market has taken on a brand new version of speculative perversion, rallying after BREXIT, heinous terrorist attacks and sharply lower crude prices.

Nothing seems to send stocks lower. They have the indelible feel of invincibility, the sort of market that cocaine addled hedge fund managers dream of.

Having been in the market since the 90s, I can tell you with absolute assurance, markets always feel best just before the rug gets pulled. This isn’t bearshitting conjecture, emanating from a deranged psychotic who blogs about end of days scenarios all day long. I like to consider myself keenly aware of my surroundings, a watcher of the tea leaves. From my vantage point, there is nothing redeemable about the climate we’re in, the dislocations in the credit markets, the faux yields in Europe, the looming credit meltdown in energy. Terrorism is escalating and earnings are in recession.

Ladies and gentlemen, doom is, inexorably, around the corner. You just haven’t bothered to take the blinders off to see it yet.

The sharia loving fuckheads in Boko Haram have caused immense carnage and suffering in Africa’s most populated shithole, Nigeria.

“Some 134 children on average will die every day from causes linked to acute malnutrition if the response is not scaled up quickly,” Manuel Fontaine, Unicef regional director for western and central Africa, who just returned from a visit to Borno state, said in the statement.

During the 7 year jihad Boko Harem imposed on Nigeria, tens of thousands have perished, but we only know about it when a stupid oil pipeline has been disrupted.

Savages.

Sometimes the smartest people are the dumbest shits on the face of the earth. They have social anxiety issues that make them idiots, unable to think like normal human beings. These fucking scientists, mind you, want to reintroduce cougars into the wildlife populations of 19 states in order to reduce deer, and by extension, automobile accidents.

I am not shitting you.

Personally, I like the part when one of these book worms said cougars sometimes kill people too, but the benefits far outweighed the occasional eating of a 5 year old wandering off into the woods. People need to embrace them, in spite of their menacing ways.

Imagine yourself enjoying a summer BBQ with the family. Your in laws are playing a game of croquet, generally enjoying their afternoon. Then, all of a sudden, a fucking cougar attacks grandpa, since he’s the weak one in the pack. Your in laws race over to help him, but the cougar pounces on them too and bites off the nose of your mother in law, all the while grandpa is on the floor, stroking the fuck out from the panic. Your father in law is trying to put his handkerchief on his wife’s noseless face, in order to stop the flow of blood. But it’s coming in good and hard and the blood completely soaks his seasonally appropriate seersucker suit.

Worst BBQ ever.

The answer to the first question is the white-tailed deer. Deer do not set out to murder people, as far as anyone knows, but they do jump out in front of vehicles so often that they cause more than a million collisions a year, resulting in more than 200 deaths.

The answer to the second question, according to a new scientific study, is the cougar.

Laura R. Prugh, a wildlife scientist at the University of Washington; Sophie L. Gilbert, a wildlife ecologist at the University of Idaho; and several colleagues argue in the journal Conservation Letters that if eastern cougars returned to their historic range, they could prevent 155 human deaths and 21,400 human injuries, and save $2.3 billion, over the course of 30 years.

And although cougars do kill humans sometimes, the scientists estimated that number would be less than one per year, for a total of less than 30 lives lost, far less than the number of lives saved.

The scientists studied 19 states, including South Carolina, Maine, Wisconsin, Ohio and Missouri. Four other states — Delaware, Rhode Island, Maryland and Illinois — were part of the eastern cougar’s historic range, which was wiped out by the early 1900s. However, those states do not have enough open forestland to support viable cougar populations, the scientists said.

Adrian Treves, head of the Carnivore Coexistence Lab at the University of Wisconsin, Madison, who was not involved with the study, said he was impressed with the analysis, and thought it might underestimate the benefits of cougars. He said in an email that there would probably be an even greater reduction in deer-vehicle collisions, “if governments and private citizens allow cougars to recover to historic levels.”

“The idea of being killed in a car crash with a deer just doesn’t scare people the way the idea of a cougar leaping on your back in the woods does,” Dr. Prugh said.

But she hopes that if cougars do return to the Eastern states, an understanding that they could bring tangible benefits will make people “a little more accepting, even if they are still scared.”

Shares of Nintendo are up more than 10% this evening, surpassing Sony in market cap–thanks to the extreme 100% lift in share price since the release of Pokemon Go. Due to a fanatical fan base, the Pokemon Go app is now the biggest and most successful mobile game ever.

Recently, Mcdonald’s inked a sponsorship deal with Nintendo and that stock is off to the races like you wouldn’t believe.

Shithole Mcdonald’s restaurants will now become Pokestops, creepily luring in a whole cadre of little Pokemon trainers into their denizens of unhealthy sustenance. Perhaps someone can sell them alcohol or drugs to go with those disgusting burgers too?

There are so many possibilities with this Pokemon Go shit. It’s gonna be huge (extra Trump)

By the first quarter of next year, the 10 year treasury will hit 1%. By precisely December the 31st, 2016, yields will quote 1.25%, says the sages at Morgan Stanley.

Morgan Stanley, which advised investors to bet on bonds before the U.K. vote to leave the European Union sent global debt markets surging, says Treasury yields are poised to extend their record lows.

The 10-year yield will fall to 1.25 percent by Dec. 31, the company predicts, cutting its forecast from 1.75 percent. It will tumble to 1 percent in the first quarter of 2017, based on the forecasts.

Treasuries will stay in a range in the third quarter, Morgan Stanley predicts. The forecasts were in an e-mail from Matthew Hornbach, the head of global interest-rate strategy in New York. Morgan Stanley is one of the 23 primary dealers that trade directly with the Federal Reserve.

Naturally, this bodes poorly for the risk on perverts who traverse these halls. Then again, who said Morgan Stanley knows anything about bonds? The prevailing trend has been lower for yields, inexorably, for the better part of the last 8 years, so I’m gonna take them at their word.

If our 10 yr is to hit 1%, what in the world will the German bund be by that time? Negative 2 percent?

These lads will make a very fine addition to the EU.

The Minister of the Interior just announced a 17 yr old teenager, of Afghan descent, attacked a train filled with commuters in Wuerzburg, Germany. More than 20 people have been injured, including 4 who are considered to be in ‘grave’ condition.

The terrorist was shot dead by German police and is now stewing in hell.

Update: ‘unaccompanied minor refugee’

Update: It is confirmed that the 17 year old ‘boy’ was an recent refugee who came unaccompanied. Also, people on the train said he was saying some terrorist shit.

Update: Said boy shouted ‘allah u akbar’ before launching his hate filled attack.

Update: News reports now suggest 3 people are in critical condition, while 15 in all have been injured.

No word on whether or not the religion of peace was responsible for these attacks. Maybe it was another repressed homosexual with psychological pork eating problems?

A man attacked a train filled with people in Wuerzburg, Germany and starting swinging a fucking ax into them. The internet rumor is that he was shot dead while attempting to flee.

UPDATE: A 17 year old Afghan has been identified as the attacker, according to the internet at least.

This is some real retrograde shit. On top of throwing a bag of steaming shit at investors, the rocket scientists at NFLX can’t even get the tech right to stream a fucking conference ‘interview’. I don’t know about you, but I am perfectly fine with the old fashioned conference calls. Remember back in the days you had to actually pick up a phone to hear a call?

Well, thanks to modern efficiencies, we can now enjoy an earnings interview with the same fidelity of the 1972 Sunday afternoon kung-fu movie.

Truly embarrassing. Oh, his excuses were bad too; but I was mostly too distracted by the Bruce Lee styled lip synching to heed any attention.

Remember when everyone loved NFLX? Not anymore. This is the most reprehensible company since Mercedes Benz made vehicles for the Nazis. The UNGRANDFATHERING of the subscriptions have, hitherto, not been an issue–until now. It is with the gravest of consequences that I inform you that Pokemon Go and the Olympics will drag on Netflix’s misery. The greedy nature of Reed Hastings, CEO of NFLX, will, ultimately, lead to its delicious and final downfall.