Conspiracy Theory: DEATH TO SHORT SELLERS!!!

If you’ve been shorting stocks for the past 6 months, you must feel like a homeless hobo after getting beaten by a tire iron (ban all tire irons). It’s important that we recognize the point of short sellers as the evil counterbalance they are, the constant and persistent check on prosperity that promises to drag us all into the dark ages. Having time away from the professional management of money, and hating on the markets, I can tell you with supreme confidence that selling short is a job designated for trolls, men beneath the stairs who grabs your ankles at night and who steals pieces of molded bread for his breakfast treat.

Herb Greenberg, long time denizen of the crevasse under the stairs, chimes in.

Year to date, some of the most heavily shorted stocks have been the biggest winners.

The essence behind buying  stocks, which is heavily shorted, is to pressure the short sellers into bankruptcy. Once the marshall repossesses their computers and they’re unable to hold onto their shorts, a forced buy occurs, which then adds to the tinder in a market that is completely rigged (extra Trump) to trade higher–at which point you make mountains of cash and receive first rights to urinate on the headstones of the shorts you just killed.