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Ted Cruz Unveils His VP Pick: Carly Fiorina, Because We’re All Morons

So, the news out of Washinton today is that Ted Cruz, after losing 5 primaries last night, has announced his VP pick, former HP boss Carly Fiorina. Moreover, judging by the photo of his speech below, the Rafael Cruz campaign must’ve paid some political marketing agency hundreds of thousands of dollars to strategically place all women behind him when unveiling this awesome plan. I am sure their research suggests that by doing this it would engender the trust of a certain percentage of women, in order to sway the election his way.

cruz

Scheming bastard.

Upon seeing this, I am reminded of all the reasons why I hate politicians with every fiber of my existence. All of that renegade talk by Cruz, as not ‘being one of them’, can easily be debunked after the shit he’s pulled this week.

A peace treaty with Kasich? Fucking why?

A VP pick while down by 400 delegates to Trump? Why?

The answer is straight forward: he intends to steal the nomination and circumvent the popular vote. You know, because the process of elections is about ‘grass root efforts’ and ‘political activists’ and ‘having a good ground game’.

I can’t wait for Trump to deport Cruz back to Canada.

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11 comments

  1. infinitezuul

    Sweet! Now I’m gonna vote for Cruz instead of Trump or something.

    WTF is wrong with this idiot?

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    • Dr. Fly

      His research shows that this move will sway 1.3338% of women his way.

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      • billiejones

        Cruz’s team is asleep at the wheel. What they needed was a transgender, lesbian, with a Hispanic mother and an Asian father. That LGBT vote is hot right now, get an endorsement from Caitlynn Jenner (this years courage award winner) and Cruz would be a force to reckon with.

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  2. frog

    Cruz and those who surround him are some rather strange types. He’s not your normal everyday Christian. Look at this:

    Ted Cruz’s Campaign is Fueled by a Dominionist Vision for America (COMMENTARY)

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/national/religion/ted-cruzs-campaign-is-fueled-by-a-dominionist-vision-for-america-commentary/2016/02/04/86373158-cb6a-11e5-b9ab-26591104bb19_story.html

    Cruz Super-PAC Head Promotes “Biblical” Slavery For Non-Christians

    http://www.talk2action.org/story/2016/4/25/135446/467/Front_Page/Cruz_Super_PAC_Head_Promotes_quot_Biblical_quot_Slavery_For_Non_Christians

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  3. UncleBuccs

    She thinks she’s going to get even with President Trump for insulting her face. Laughable…

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  4. og

    Nobody told Cruz the woman’s card isn’t real?

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  5. zheeeem

    Wouldn’t Ted have a better chance if Trump picked Fiorino as VP?

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  6. piratesmile

    Two words… Lyin’ Ted. I can’t help myself, I laugh every time I see or hear that.

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  7. uglyflint

    Bobby Knight just gave a speech at Trump rally. Fucking awesome !

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  8. the dude

    Cashing in his VP card before the convention. Desperate and pathetic.

    Fiorino. Ha ha ha ha ha ha . Three time loser.

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  9. zerosum

    More than anything else this “cycle,” the fact that Ted Cruz was able to run AT ALL illustrates just how smashed to shit the political system really is.

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