iBankCoin
18 years in Wall Street, left after finding out it was all horseshit. Founder/ Master and Commander: iBankCoin, finance news and commentary from the future.
Joined Nov 10, 2007
20,991 Blog Posts

Rogues on Twitter Cause Run on Chase Kenya; Bank Placed in Receivorship

Understand something, the problem here isn’t the fact that Kenyan banks open and close like the doors on a Disney ride. The problem is Kenyans expressing free speech on Twitter, using the devilish hash tag #KOT to communicate with fellow Kenyans–concerned over their deposits.

“We had some individuals that shouted fire in a crowded theater room; to me there is nothing as reckless as that,” he told reporters in the capital, Nairobi. “If one made such horrendous statements, you can cause a run, some crisis. Indeed the bank was under serious pressure.”

Chase Bank on Wednesday sought to assure customers that it was operating normally as a flurry of comments on social-media sites speculated on the financial health of the company. Rumors on the safety of deposits and investments mounted following the resignation of Chairman Zafrullah Khan and Managing Director Duncan Kabui, and concern over a qualified opinion expressed by auditors on earnings that had been restated to show a surge in loans to employees and directors.

Don’t worry folks. The government of Kenya, the all benevolent non corrupt officials who are pilfering the country, will protect you from those Twitter people causing banks to fail. Once Twitter releases the location of these criminals and the government imprisons them, all will be well again.

“Rumors have been rife on social media which is turning out to be a pre-eminent early warning system,” Aly-Khan Satchu, chief executive officer of Rich Management, an adviser to companies and wealthy individuals, said in response to e-mailed questions

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5 comments

  1. infinitezuul

    Very strange that Obama would not step in to help considering he was born in Kenya.

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    • frog

      Yeah, it’s almost as if the Right Wing “news sources” are wrong about Obama having more allegiance to Kenya than to the U.S. Imagine that.

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      • infinitezuul

        No, Frog.

        Obama *does* have more allegiance to Kenya than the US. Not sure if you read the book he had ghost-written for him but he specifically says that his allegiances are with Kenya, NOT the US. He then goes on to say how great it was to be born in a Kenyan hospital.

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      • btn

        IZ,
        Just to get the picture straight, here is what you believe:
        1) Obama was born in Kenya
        2a) The Republican establishment (“the single most important thing we want to achieve is for President Obama to be a one-term president.”) with all their resouces was not able to prove that Obama was born in Kenya, or
        2b) The Republican establishment secretly likes to have Obama as President even though they know he is Kenyan and can prove it
        3) Obama disguises his greater love for Kenya by showing less love for Kenya

        By this token, maybe frog is secretly a Trump-lover in deep disguise as well

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  2. braveflaps

    Worldwide, Chase employs powerful sorcerers, but everyone their Kenyan witches pwn Twitter.

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